How To Meet The Needs Of Boys In A Home Daycare Setting?

[Indoorvoice]

I realized something about myself recently that has me unsettled: I don't do well with boys in my program. It's weird, because I'm a tomboy myself and always wanted to be a parent to boys, but alas I wound up with 2 girls and now all of a sudden I don't "get" boys. Like, at all.

I recently termed a dcb4 from my program. His parents were great, and he was actually a very good kid, but I just couldn't handle his need for constant rough and tumble play and how different his play was from my girls and the other girls in my care. He was constantly accidentally hurting them or breaking my toys. My girls were so happy to sit and and do art or an activity whereas he was constantly bored with the things they wanted to do. And since he was the only boy, I catered to the girls. I was getting ready to term, I was convinced this was his problem and that he just didn't know how to play normally. But as I look back on it, I realize that I didn't offer enough opportunities for him to embrace his boyness and let him play differently than the girls. I expected him to sit quietly and play sweetly and never get out of line. Boys need to get messy, get moving, and play differently than girls. Maybe I was expecting too much from him.

How do you do this in your home, when you have limited toys and resources and space? Where do you draw the line on what you allow for rough play, is it even appropriate for controlled rough play into have a place daycare? I want future boys in my program to be well-behaved, but I also don't want to stifle them. How do you balance this?? Basically, I need some ideas on how to get boys to enjoy my program besides the obvious of having "boy toys" (which I already have) and also appropriate expectations for boy behavior.

[Thriftylady]

Could it be you had an issue because he was the only boy? Perhaps if you had two boys it may have been different because they could have some shared interests to play together.

[NeedaVaca]

Honestly I don't see much of a difference between my girls and boys. They all play with the same things, they all love blocks, puzzles, train set, kitchen, cars, dolls, dinosaurs, crafts, coloring, stickers, etc. Every toy I have is played equally with both. I do not allow any rough housing ever, none of my boys have ever hurt one of the girls or broke a toy by being too rough either, maybe he just wasn't a good fit for you.

[Unregistered]

Honestly I don't see much of a difference between my girls and boys. They all play with the same things, they all love blocks, puzzles, train set, kitchen, cars, dolls, dinosaurs, crafts, coloring, stickers, etc. Every toy I have is played equally with both. I do not allow any rough housing ever, none of my boys have ever hurt one of the girls or broke a toy by being too rough either, maybe he just wasn't a good fit for you.

Same here!

[unregistered]

movement

I ran my childcare for 9 years and in that time I only registered 3 girls, they were all happy. It just happened that we have more boys in my area. Anyway, I found that the key to the boys was movement. It doesn't have to be rough or wild, but if I expected them to sit for a story I was in for a lot of correcting. If I could put some actions (wiggle fingers, stomp feet, flap like the birds) into the story for them they were more engaged and behaved. We would march around the table while singing ABC's or act out the nursery rhymes etc. As far as free play was concerned we had lots of blocks, puzzles, toy cars ect but they really loved the science (magnifying glass, view finders) and the creative art box ( tp rolls, paper plates, glue, tape, cotton balls,) they would sit on the floor and roll a ball to each other for a long time. Having only one boy in a group would be tough, but mine did great in groups of 3-5.

[spud912]

I will put in my 2 cents. When I first opened, I had 2 boys and 4 girls in my care. One of the boys was very young and the other was one of my oldest, so they didn't really play together. The youngest was not remotely wild because he was so young. The oldest was a handful, but we got through it over the years.

Well, a year and a half ago 3 of my daycare children "graduated" to kindergarten. I went from 2 boys and 4 girls to 3 boys and 3 girls. The biggest difference was that all the boys were now the same age. It got wild . . . super wild. The boys need constant reminders (no running, no "shooting" friends, stop playing rough with the toys, stop banging things on the walls, no wrestling, hands to yourselves). It still goes on every day, all day. I am convinced one of my dcb's has adhd...seriously. Another has a serious problem with impulse control and a lack of attention. The last boy, who is the oldest now (he was the youngest before) has taken on the role of a bully to the boy with adhd.

I don't know if it's necessarily the fact that we have a lot more boys or that these particular boys just do not mesh well and they are all a handful. If the adhd boy is out of my care, I've noticed that it does improve a lot for me. I do really really miss my last crew though. I think of them often and how this job was much easier than it is now. This crew absolutely needs constant attention and constant monitoring. The three boys cannot be out of my sight for any amount of time.

[finsup]

Honestly I don't see much of a difference between my girls and boys. They all play with the same things, they all love blocks, puzzles, train set, kitchen, cars, dolls, dinosaurs, crafts, coloring, stickers, etc. Every toy I have is played equally with both. I do not allow any rough housing ever, none of my boys have ever hurt one of the girls or broke a toy by being too rough either, maybe he just wasn't a good fit for you.

Interesting! I have had mixed groups for the past 3 years and all the girls gravitate to the "girl" toys and the boys to "boy" ones. Its not that they ignore the other ones preferred toy compleltly but they do play with them less. The boys have def been rougher on toys ten the girls i've had here! As for the boys in my care, I make sure to provide a lot of large motor and building activities. They really enjoy those...and of course the girls are welcome to do them as well if they want

[preschoolteacher]

Honestly, right now my girls are more wild than my boys. I have a home preschool so they are all about 3 years old.

The girls LOVE to dress up and dance, with enthusiasm.
The girls LOVE to run around acting out scenes from Frozen (wolves chasing them, most of the time)

If I have to tell kids to calm down, I swear 99% of the time with my group, it's the girls!!

The boys love to build with blocks. They are very into projects. One of the boys will spend longer doing an art project than any other child, including all of the girls.

I used to work in a preschool, though, and I DID see groups of boys (3-4 years old) get very wild. It was usually centered around superhero play or acting out movies that had wild scenes.

Actually, now that I think about it, the boys in my care do NOT watch TV or movies at all. The girls do. Do you think that plays into it?

Some ideas I have to help active kids:
Jump/skip/hop when walking places (to the bathroom, to wash hands)
Get an indoor tunnel for crawling through
Soft balls and a basketball hoop or a bean bag toss
Lots of outdoor time!
Less structured, "you have to sit" time. Let them move around during stories, circle time, art projects.
Have dance parties with music
Sensory play (play dough, pouring rice, sand) will help expel energy

[Blackcat31]

I don't think any particular behavior has anything to do with gender.

I've had calm, mellow, artistic and creative boys and I've had crazy, very physical, loud girls.

I think it depends on a lot of things.

I have 2 boys right now that are a year apart in age.

One of them will sit for hours and color or read books. Quiet and reserved. He can be mentally exhausting at times.

The other one is ALL hands. Touches everything and everyone. Has an insatiable need to be moving at ALL times. He can be physically exhausting.

They are brothers. Same parents. Same home environment.


I think gender CAN play a role in it but I don't think it always does.

Currently I have 4 girls out of 14 kids.
I'd rather have the 10 boys on one day verses the 4 girls.

Ask me next year and I'll probably have a completely different answer.

[permanentvacation]

I have many more problems with boys than girls as well. Like Spud912 said, they're always trying to wrestle, making 'guns' and 'shooting' the other kids, running constantly, ramming the cars into the walls, etc. Typically by the time they are 3, they are much more loud, violent, and energized than the girls are. They also get bored much faster than the girls. It doesn't matter if I have one boy or all 8 kids are boys.

The way I try to get them to calm down is to do activities with them almost the entire day. If they are getting too wild during free play, when I would usually just let the kids play and do whatever they want, I announce something like, "Hey guys, lets build a zoo" and sit with them and kind of demand that they help build a zoo with the Legos, animals, and people and then we play with our zoo. So instead of true free play, it's more like teacher directed play.

I go from a calm activity with them sitting down to an activity that allows movement and noise constantly so they get time to be loud and moving, but then have to sit down and focus on a calm activity before they get too wild.

Honestly, it doesn't always work. I find myself telling many boys' parents that I think they should take them to daycare centers. I've worked at a couple of centers. The teachers don't really pay much attention to the kids at the centers here and they don't have much of any teacher directed time. They all just do a max of 15 minute circle time in the morning and the rest of the day, the kids play. They run all around inside during what's supposed to be center time, they wrestle, make guns, etc. and the teachers don't even see them doing it or care that they are doing it. The teachers just sit around and chat with each other. If a child tells the teacher that another child hurt them, they tell that child not to tattle and don't do anything about the fact that the other child hurt them.

So, I figure that's a perfect place for the wild children to go and suggest that the more wild boys go to centers. When I suggest centers to parents, I tell them the above information. I also tell them that here, I am actually watching the children, stopping harmful or scary 'play', correcting grammar, reprimanding them for using foul language, etc. because I am right here with nothing else to do but monitor them and work with them. But at centers, the
'teachers' are busy chatting with each other, the room is much bigger than mine, which allows the children to be further away from the teachers so the teachers don't hear or see as much as I do, and the children can do pretty much what they want.

[Indoorvoice]

Thanks for your feedback so far. I guess it is easy to label rough play as a boy trait and perhaps that shows my lack of experience with boys in general. It has just been the common trait of the boys that have been enrolled here so far, and it has me seriously frustrated. I haven't clicked with any of the 3 boys that have been a part of my program and it got me wondering if it is because I am favoring the girls over the boys. Is it something about boys in general I'm not clicking with, or is it just these particular boys that are rubbing me the wrong way? I guess that's my main concern, because if there is some special method to teaching boys that I'm missing, then I would like to learn! My girls are not perfect and need redirection too... It's just... Different! How can you tell if you're just teaching a child "the wrong way" or if they are just a bad fit? Is it bad if I find I just can't click with ANY boy? Is this something I should even be worrying about? :confused:

[daycarediva]

I will put in my 2 cents. When I first opened, I had 2 boys and 4 girls in my care. One of the boys was very young and the other was one of my oldest, so they didn't really play together. The youngest was not remotely wild because he was so young. The oldest was a handful, but we got through it over the years.

Well, a year and a half ago 3 of my daycare children "graduated" to kindergarten. I went from 2 boys and 4 girls to 3 boys and 3 girls. The biggest difference was that all the boys were now the same age. It got wild . . . super wild. The boys need constant reminders (no running, no "shooting" friends, stop playing rough with the toys, stop banging things on the walls, no wrestling, hands to yourselves). It still goes on every day, all day. I am convinced one of my dcb's has adhd...seriously. Another has a serious problem with impulse control and a lack of attention. The last boy, who is the oldest now (he was the youngest before) has taken on the role of a bully to the boy with adhd.

I don't know if it's necessarily the fact that we have a lot more boys or that these particular boys just do not mesh well and they are all a handful. If the adhd boy is out of my care, I've noticed that it does improve a lot for me. I do really really miss my last crew though. I think of them often and how this job was much easier than it is now. This crew absolutely needs constant attention and constant monitoring. The three boys cannot be out of my sight for any amount of time.

This is sooo much like my current group. Until last week I had 3 girls (ages 2,3,4) 3 four year old boys, and the only calls and interviews I am getting are for 3-4 year old boys.

I have one diagnosed ADHD who doesn't have it, one not diagnosed who very much does have that along with impulse control issues/poor motor planning/immature in social and self help skills, and one who has SPD. My boys are always separated at activities, we do a LOT of gross motor/physical things.

It's not ALL boys though, I know it's just those two and my 3rd dude going along with it. When the other two boys are both absent, the other dude is a sweet, laid back, gentle guy. He's going to K this year.

My 2 four year olds with issues are staying another year and not going to K. I may let one (or both) go when the calls come in Summer/Fall. It's very draining. *ETA* I was considering dropping each set of parents 'the hint' in Summer, "I think they might do great in a bigger group to better prepare for the higher ratio of kindergarten." (translation: they need to have more staff!)

[daycarediva]

Back to the op.

Gross motor games, physical/hands on activities, sensory bins, Legos, blocks, cars, trains, a place where it's OK to run/jump. I have a space right now down the hallway where they are allowed to throw balls. I don't have to say no only to have them turn around and do it anyway. Instead I allow activities in designated areas. It gives the girls their own space free from all of that little boy energy, and allows the boys to be just that-boys.

[permanentvacation]

It might just be that you, yourself, are just more of a 'calm' person. You said you don't have much experience with boys. It just might be that from lack of experience with more rambunctious children, you are experiencing a sort of culture shock. If you are used to little girls calmly playing tea party, sitting at the table and feeding their baby dolls, then all the sudden, you have boys trying to throw each other to the floor wrestling and running all over the place, you're going to be standing there looking at the boys like, "WTH are you doing? We're not trying to pound each other's face in, we're pouring tea!"

I was a tomboy as a kid. I had maybe 5 female friends the whole time I grew up. I had dozens of guy friends. Gross stuff never bothered me as a kid; burping, expelling gas, being rude and crude was just normal life. I didn't try to be prim and proper. When I was a pre-teen, the guys and I all had dirt bikes (motorcycles) and we'd ride through the cow pasture in the back of my neighborhood. We'd climb on the hay stacks, wait for a cow to come by and jump on the cow and ride it until it bucked us off! I was ALL tomboy!

But now, I'm a FEMALE, WOMAN, who likes things calm. I can't take the wildness and loudness of boys running, wrestling, making car noises, or more crude play such as making fart noises.

I watched children when I was a teenager and violent play didn't used to bother me at all. But after becoming a mother, I became more aware of the seriousness and dangers of guns and have been concerned over my own child after someone made her afraid of the dark and monsters, etc. I am more sensitive about scary or dangerous play. Also as I got older, I decided that it wasn't 'cool' to be rude and crude and when I started raising my own children, I didn't want them to be rude or crude. As an adult, that type of behavior became something that I didn't approve of even though it was the way I acted when I was a kid. So the daycare children's rude and crude play (which is more so done by boys than girls) bothers me.

Also, with the more wild play, comes more chance of someone getting hurt which makes me more worried about my liability.

However, I do occasionally get boys that are not too wild. I actually can think of 4 of my favorite daycare kids that were boys. One I called belly-button man. He had a thing about playing with his belly button. One, you would have thought was my older child's personal child. We really connected with him. One was highly intelligent. And the other one is the little boy I have right now. He's just plain out cute!

So, don't think that you can't deal with ANY boys. I'm sure you will find some that you really like. Just keep weeding through them. Give yourself time to adjust to their behavior and interests. Maybe tweak your daycare program a little to make it a little more boy friendly. And I'm sure in time, you will find some boys that fit well in your daycare.

[permanentvacation]

Daycare diva gave you some good ideas. And do some bug activities, build a volcano with dinosaurs around it, etc. Do proper activities that allow the kids to be more physically active and play around with cool, gross stuff.