4 year old that doesn't listen

[Unregistered]

I watch a 4 year old girl that just refuses to listen. Anything I say, she does the opposite or ignores me altogether. I ask her why she did something and she says because I wanted to.

I'm just trying to make it until August when I won't be doing full time care. The only thing they do at home is bribe, but I don't bribe so if she knows she doesn't get a present, she acts out anyway or she'll misbehave after she has gotten something.


Suggestions? Time outs don't work. Rewards don't work. Parents don't help. I'm at a loss.

[Unregistered]

I have a dcb like that. We had days and days and days of punishments all the time. He finally got it. It was tough for both of us but now he is great now!

[Unregistered]

What did you do? Time outs?

[Play Care]

I have a 3 yo "diva" in my day care. She was told to keep her socks on in the house. Took them off anyway. When it came time to go outside, we couldn't find them. Everyone else went outside, and she got to watch from the window Where I made sure to gently remind her why we listen to me.

Not listening through out the day would also mean losing out on activities - and I would make sure that there were many fun things planned so that it *hurt* to miss those things. I wouldn't bother with time out - but it would be "I'm sorry, you chose not to clean up when Mrs. Provider asked, so you can look at books in the quiet corner while the other kids paint/water table/snow table etc. etc. Typically this takes a couple of times of missing out and the kids get a "reset."

That said, not listening/following directions IS a big deal, and if a child consistently didn't feel they needed to follow my rules, listen to me, etc. Then I would have to let them go. I mean, if they don't listen for small things, they are not likely to for bigger things.

[Unregistered]

I have a 3 yo "diva" in my day care. She was told to keep her socks on in the house. Took them off anyway. When it came time to go outside, we couldn't find them. Everyone else went outside, and she got to watch from the window Where I made sure to gently remind her why we listen to me.

Not listening through out the day would also mean losing out on activities - and I would make sure that there were many fun things planned so that it *hurt* to miss those things. I wouldn't bother with time out - but it would be "I'm sorry, you chose not to clean up when Mrs. Provider asked, so you can look at books in the quiet corner while the other kids paint/water table/snow table etc. etc. Typically this takes a couple of times of missing out and the kids get a "reset."

That said, not listening/following directions IS a big deal, and if a child consistently didn't feel they needed to follow my rules, listen to me, etc. Then I would have to let them go. I mean, if they don't listen for small things, they are not likely to for bigger things.

I did time outs, after 3 he would take an extra nap; missing out on all fun activities; no tv time; made him follow me like a shadow (he hated because it would interrupt his games)....
I ended up only allowing him to play with the toys in the toy box, nothing else.
Just be consistent!

[daycare]

sorry not trying to be mean, but why would you ask a child WHY the did something.

What is it that they are doing?

I am asking, because depending on what they are doing can determine the advice we can help give you to fix it.

[Heidi]

sorry not trying to be mean, but why would you ask a child WHY the did something.

What is it that they are doing?

I am asking, because depending on what they are doing can determine the advice we can help give you to fix it.

I know what you mean, daycare.

Just another perspective, OP, but I generally have a rule never to ask a child a question that I won't like the answer to, or one that sets them up for lying.

"Why did you do that?"

To a child that age might be a legitimate question, but they're never going to give you an acceptable answer.

"Who did that?" or "Did you do that?"

to a child (when you know who did it or saw them do it, or have strong evidence that they did), sets them up to lie.

She's clearly seeing who's boss around there. Very frustrating! I'd give it a certain amount of time (3 weeks of consistency, lets say), and then I'd say "bye". I just don't have much tolerance for that in my old age.

[Josiegirl]

I have one like that too. She's the strongest willed child I've had in a very long time. And she's extremely bossy and controlling to the other kids too. I have to really keep my eye on her.
I know a lot of people don't believe in the 1 2 3 Magic but it works with her. In the beginning it wouldn't. I had to dole out consequences a lot because I'd always say 3. Now she knows if I start the count I mean business and she WILL lose privileges. Consistency is not one of my strong suits but if I get perturbed enough I can be consistent like you've never seen. So now she knows what to expect if I say 1.
She's still challenging but knows that I'm not likely to put up with her crapola.
And this part is hard for me but try to leave emotion out of it. She riles me up like no other but I grit my teeth and try to stay calm. The more you react to them, the more they'll try to rile you up.

[Josiegirl]

I'm always asking 'who did this?' Stupidest question cause it's always always 'not me'.

[Play Care]

sorry not trying to be mean, but why would you ask a child WHY the did something.

What is it that they are doing?

I am asking, because depending on what they are doing can determine the advice we can help give you to fix it.

Normally I agree with this. NEVER ask a child why they did something. Typically the questions leads to lies or finger pointing

That said, there is a huge world of difference between you witnessing a child doing something and you asking "why" (in your case) and the asking of "why" that leads to lies, etc. which is usually the issue with the "why" questions.

Your issue is happening *before* the question is asked. Your "why" isn't because you don't know what happened. It sounds like my "why" questions with my 4 yo dcb - I know the answer, he knows I know the answer:: It's more out of exasperation. Perhaps find another thing to exclaim when the dcg is behaving in a deliberately disobedient manner?

I stand by my original advice. DCG would be missing out on activities. Also, if I was asking the kids to do something and she wasn't, I might even *gently* physically assist her to comply "You were asked to help _______, if you can't do it by yourself, Mrs. A will help you. Can you do it by yourself?"

[Unregistered]

Also, if I was asking the kids to do something and she wasn't, I might even *gently* physically assist her to comply "You were asked to help _______, if you can't do it by yourself, Mrs. A will help you. Can you do it by yourself?"

I've done this before. Holding their hands and picking up toys to put away. They did not like that. I've also had everyone else stop and have that child clean up by themselves. If they refuse then time out. Over and over until they listen.