Question for Home Care Providers, Feeling Lonely

[mrs.meg]

Hello all,

I just wondered if any of you ever feel lonely? I am fine most of the time, but the 4 year old I watch went to all day preschool Mon-Thurs and now I have been feeling like I have no one to talk to. I watch his brother, who is 2 and my own 2-year old and they fight a lot and are just kind of both in the terrible twos. The brother was a pain but apparently he kept me company. I usually go all day without talking to a soul, except some days I talk to a friend on the phone.

I would love to get out and do things, but the boys mother doesn't want me to, even though she said in the beginning she wouldn't mind if I took them to the park, she now decided against it. I wondered what you all do during the day? I would try to find another child to watch, but I am 8 months pregnant, and really don't think it is the right time.

Thanks for listening!
Meg

[Unregistered]

I think the lack of adult conversation is one of the hardest part of the job. I care for 2 families and one of them is a friend. She calls every day to check on the kids, so I get some interaction that way. When she doesn't call, I can tell that I get lonely, even though the kids are 4, 4, and 3.

Naptime is my time, which is very helpful. I use that time to feel like an adult again...watch tv, read the paper, do a word search, email, etc.

Is the mom ok if just take the kids for a walk around the block? Do you have a swing set in your backyard? When the weather is nice, we go outside as much as possible. Just a little change of scenery helps me. If you are ok being assertive, maybe after the baby is born and you feel up to it, you could just give the mom a permission slip and tell her that you are going to take the kids to the park on x day. I know I wouldn't be able to do that, but my parents are very easy going and think it's great to take the kids out.

Congrats on the baby! Hope everything goes well!

[GretasLittleFriends]

Congrats on the baby!

I do find myself getting a little stir crazy once in a while. The backyard thing doesn't always help. We have 20 acres of which about 5 is house and yard. Now that the weather is getting nicer the boys I watch (4,3 & 1) go outside a lot. We also do crafts inside when the 1 yr old is sleeping. Though these things keep me occupied, it still doesn't compare to adult conversation.

Honestly, I call my dad typically once daily. I also talk to my husband frequently, but he's a long-haul trucker and is gone from home a lot, so I guess that is typical couple conversation time. We just don't have it at the dinner table, or on the couch in the evening after the children are gone or in bed...

Do you have any friends nearby that are stay at home moms/dads? You could invite them over to have their child/children play with yours and guys could have the adult conversing that you both probably need?

[Unregistered]

This is a very lonely job. I have gotten myself involved with a couple other daycare forums, and that helps. It gives us a place to go to ask question and make friends. I have been fortunate enough to meet 2 people in person I met on dc forums.

Do you know anyone else that is a provider, maybe exchange numbers and talk a couple times per week. Your parents, any family members, give them a call. You need adult interaction in some form, whether it is thru an online group, phone calls from friends and family, etc.

As far as the parents not wanting their children to go anywhere, I understand their concern. I have had many a parent ask if I transport anywhere in a vehicle, which I don't. Many parents don't want their child in a vehicle. As far as a short walk. I would do what was mentioned and write up a short paper requesting permission to go on a short walk.

We also spend a lot of time outside during warm weather. You don't need a lot of activities for the kids, just some basics like balls, jump rope, bubbles, a bucket with water toys from the Dollar Store, a ride on toy to share. Very basic things. Oh yea, the sidewalk chalk.

Good luck, and try to find someone to chat with regularly.

[lilbiddapopcorn]

Referrals

I'm sorry you feel this way. I know how that can be. Sometimes you just need that adult interaction. Are you licensed...working with the food program...in a referral agency...or anything like that? Usually these places have little groups for providers to mingle and get to know each other. It helps a lot because you meet people who understand where you're coming from and share the same concerns. It's also nice to have people to bounce ideas off of, and it creates an environment where providers in the area are seeing each other more as friends and less as "the competition". Hope this helps.

[mrs.meg]

Thanks

Thanks for all the suggestions..

I don't live in a subdivision, we live in a wooded area on 10 acres. We walked around our path today, the kids seemed to enjoy it.

I am not in any food programs or anything. Most of my friends are stay at home moms that home school and I do chat with one of them a couple of times a week, which helps. I guess it is worse on the days that I don't talk to her.

I did ask the mom of the little one I watch if she could talk to her husband about me taking her little one to the park or on field trips with my daughters class occasionally. I just talked to her today and she said she is fine with it but she wants to check with her husband to see if it is okay with him. I think it would help to get out every once in a while for a change of scenery.

I also will take the advice of a pp and try to get my old playgroup friends to come over every now and then. We used to meet on Wednesdays, but haven't for a while, I think I need to get that going again.

Thanks again, it is nice to have a place to ask questions!

[Mary2009]

Hi,

If you are not happy with your current job then there are a lot of employment opportunities in the field of home healthcare. The best paying jobs will be those that require some post secondary training. There are administrative and support positions like medical coders, accounting and billing, medical secretaries, nurse managers, shift schedulers, information technology and marketing. Working for a home health company doesn’t necessarily involve providing direct patient care.

[SimpleMom]

It is a lonely job, esp. when you don't have very many children to watch. I started my home daycare when I was pregnant. I had one child with Autism to start. I didn't have many friends (just moved to town). I ended up getting very down.

Once I got into the routine of things (switching from working outside of the home to working inside the house-alone) it got much better. I don't as lonely anymore--except for the days I have fewer kids.

That's too bad you can't even take the kids to the park. Even a walk around the block is nice. Sounds wierd, but it's so nice to see another adult--even just walking by them. If I get to talk to them for a second that's an added bonus! Plus, the kids LOVE it.

One thing I did do when I was pregnant was sign up for Yoga class. They were really good at modifying it for me. I got some excersize, got out of the house, away from responsibilities, and met some people.

Good luck, and hang in there!!!
Good luck and hang in there.

[judytrickett]

Personally I wouldn't care for any child whose parents would not allow them to at the very least visit the park, take them out to the donut store for an occassional treat etc. If I were you I would advertise for a new family. Once they come along you can terminate the old family. Or, I would be upfront with mom and let her know that the isolation is not fair to you and her children would benefit from going out.

[Chickenhauler]

Another thing you may want to look into is your local library-they have story hours, kids days, etc to try and get the youngsters involved early with reading and books, and that can be a good way to meet other adults while the kids interact.

[sunmoonandstars]

I just wrote an article about this...isolation is a big issue when it comes to family child care providers. I included all kinds of ideas on how to beat the isolation and boredom of staying home all the time.

[mrs.meg]

Great article, thanks

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I agree witht he poster who said they wouldnt keep kids whose parents wanted you to stay locked up inside the property all the time. I have too many to do field trips anymore,.. but we do change things up to keep things interesting. In the winter I bring in snow in a kiddie pool and we play inside, . I have mixed ages (birth to 12) so I cant really go out in terribly cold weather. But we can always have fun. I have the kids across the street come over and have band concerts. Nothing says fun day at daycare like trumpets, saxaphones and clatinets blaring dance music! . I also have an email loop that I am in,.. nothing to do with daycare . We are a group of moms, so it keeps me grounded in the real life mom and wife aspect. We also get away alot on the weekends. It gets me out of the house and we have a blast. (camping is our method). I got bored on about year 3-5. But now I cant imagine life differently. I love my career,... have fun every day... and am only as secluded as I want to be. Im starting my 20th year this month! =-)

[mac60]

Mrs. Meg,

Just wondering how you were doing. Did you find any outlets to find some outside friendships? It is a very lonely job.

[ramonfernandez]

Hello MrsMeg. I hope all is well with you these days. How's your new born child? How's your job? Just remember that you should be happy at work. If all the boredome remedies are used up and are no longer working, I suggest, turning on a new leaf. Best of luck.




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