I Need Some "It Gets Better" Stories

[deliberateliterate]

I have a new-ish 13 month old boy. This is his 5th week. He's FT with his 3yo sister, 715 - 445.

All day long, he's pushing, hitting, pinching, grabbing faces, stealing toys, climbing EVERYTHING. I mean everything. It's compulsive with him. He walks to a chair/table/stair/person/toy, and his leg goes up to climb it.

He chews food then spits it out, throws food. Lifts his tray insert, and throws it. He's screaming/whining or moaning 75% of the time.

Diaper changes are the worst. He screams like I'm stabbing him, hits and kicks me, flails, and tries to roll away. I follow him everywhere or someone is crying. He doesn't ever smile, despite his mom telling me that he's a happy baby.

I can't term him, his family accounts for over 50% of my income. I just need someone to tell me their horror story and that it gets better. Please. lovethis

[Givingthemgrace]

I haven't experienced that but I would imagine if he's good at home, he should shape up at daycare with your consistent discipline. Sorry you are going through it!

[jenboo]

I have a new-ish 13 month old boy. This is his 5th week. He's FT with his 3yo sister, 715 - 445.

All day long, he's pushing, hitting, pinching, grabbing faces, stealing toys, climbing EVERYTHING. I mean everything. It's compulsive with him. He walks to a chair/table/stair/person/toy, and his leg goes up to climb it.

He chews food then spits it out, throws food. Lifts his tray insert, and throws it. He's screaming/whining or moaning 75% of the time.

Diaper changes are the worst. He screams like I'm stabbing him, hits and kicks me, flails, and tries to roll away. I follow him everywhere or someone is crying. He doesn't ever smile, despite his mom telling me that he's a happy baby.

I can't term him, his family accounts for over 50% of my income. I just need someone to tell me their horror story and that it gets better. Please. lovethis

start looking for a replacement family...

[Heidi]

Sensory seeking?

Toddlers and Preschoolers

Make a “burrito” or “sandwich.” Firmly press on your child’s arms legs and back with pillows or make a “burrito” by rolling her up in a blanket.

Push and pull. She can push her own stroller, and a stronger child can push a stroller or cart filled with weighted objects such as groceries.

Carry that weight. Your child can wear a backpack or fanny pack filled with toys (not too heavy!).


From Sensory Smarts.com

[Angelsj]

I would just start with diaper changes, since you said these are the worst.
Hold flailing arms and legs down gently and tell him, "NO, be still."
Wait for him to relax (this might be a few minutes at first) then start to change again. If he starts back up repeat. It will work if you are consistent.

Otherwise, I would get a large play yard, and fence him off for a little while. When you can sit right there, you can start teaching him to be gentle. When you cannot be right on top of him, the other kids are safe. Make sure he has appropriate toys and a fair amount of room. It isn't a punishment, just a way to make sure everyone is safe. If you can afford the space to have one, you might get one of these.

[Controlled Chaos]

1. I am always looking for replacement families, just in case. Parents get laid off, move etc. So I would be actively looking just in case it doesn't get better.

That said -

My dd is going through a rough phase she just turned 15m, and CLIMBS everythings, just started pushing. I obviously can't term her I have been using the play yard a lot. If she can't be re directed, or I am losing my patience I plop her in there with a special box of play yard toys and let her chill there for 5-15 min, then we try again.

Diaper changes - maybe he is used to being changed standing up? Or make it more a routine - tell him you are about to do it, talk in a calm soothing voice. Ask mom what their diaper changes look like (maybe she is bribing him with candy and unintentionally sabotaging you with that expectation?

[daycarediva]

I second the play yard idea. He would not be free range until he could control his aggression. As it is, he sounds like a danger to himself and others.

I would ask Mom how diaper changes and meals go at home, I highly doubt there is a much of difference between daycare behavior and home behavior with a child that young.

I would put ONE thing on his plate at a time, and if he eats it, he gets another. If he throws food or spits it out, I would wait a few before reoffering anything.

[melilley]

Awwwww :hug:

I have a child who started here at 18 months. He hit, kicked, bit, pulled hair, screamed, cried, etc... I shadowed him constantly and had to have him by me all the time. I was in he**! Well, I never termed because I love mom (dumb, I know). He does take great naps though.

Well, he is still here and is almost 3 1/2. He no longer does any of those things and is tolerable to be around, for the most part. It took almost 2 years, but he FINALLY calmed down. He has his moments, but is a far cry from how he used to be!

I will say that if I ever have a child like that again, I definitely will term! I was so stressed out.

And that's my story.

So, if you can't term, it may get better down the road.

[jenboo]

Play yards work great but make sure it's allowed by licensing. Here, children need 35 sq ft. I definitely don't have a play yard that large so I cannot use one to separate a child.

[laundrymom]

Here, he would be my shadow. He would accompany me the whole day except for my own potty breaks when he would go in a pnp. I wouldn't give him the chance to do something unacceptable. He would get praise with each good choice and be physically removed any time he needed removed. No talking. No coddling. Just moved.

If he chooses not to eat, I choose to remove him from meal. That is completely unacceptable and some one has conditioned him to believe it's allowed. My advice, if he spits out food, try again. If he spits again, take his plate. Give him a cup. If he throws cup he is telling you, in his non verbal way, that he is finished with meal. I would remove him from the meal.

For diaper changes, I would do as other poster suggested and hold him still gently and resume when he calms down.
He has been allowed to do these things. He has been taught that this is life. This is how he is supposed to act. You have to reteach him acceptable methods and reactions. It's not easy. But it is not impossible.
Hugggggs and love to you. You're going to need it.

All day long, he's pushing, hitting, pinching, grabbing faces, stealing toys, climbing EVERYTHING. I mean everything. It's compulsive with him. He walks to a chair/table/stair/person/toy, and his leg goes up to climb it.

He chews food then spits it out, throws food. Lifts his tray insert, and throws it. He's screaming/whining or moaning 75% of the time.

Diaper changes are the worst. He screams like I'm stabbing him, hits and kicks me, flails, and tries to roll away. I follow him everywhere or someone is crying. He doesn't ever smile, despite his mom telling me that he's a happy baby.

[deliberateliterate]

THANK YOU everyone for your words of encouragement, advice and support.

I catch glimpses of what DCM sees, so I hope that once I get him under control, he'll be the sweet boy his mom thinks he is.

When people mention play yard, is that the same thing as a pnp? He sleeps in a pnp in the playroom, so that is definitely an option if I put some toys in there. As it is, he spends more time in his highchair than the other kids (when I'm making food, in the washroom, or changing someone else's diaper).

I kind of do the same thing as somone mentioned at meals, of only giving him one or two bites at a time. I think we are making some progress there, so I'll keep at it. One lovely thing he does that I forgot to mention is he'll take huge gulps of water, then spit it all out down his shirt. So I've even stopped giving him a cup. I just offer him some water, and hold it for him to drink.

I tried doing as suggested for his last diaper change. I usually try to speed through it, but I took my time, rubbed his belly and didn't proceed until he had stopped freaking out. It worked better than I thought it would, so I'm going to use this method.

Mom experiences the same thing as far as diaper changes. On his intro form she wrote "have fun with diaper changes"

I'm hoping the screaming/whinning/moaning thing will get better with time, because it's constant. He fights getting ready to go out, sitting in the stroller, being held, etc. It's exhausting, but I don't give in to him ever.

Thanks all :hug:

[Play Care]

A play yard is bigger than a PNP and has no floor - more like a small fence. I'll try to post a pick of what I have.

[Play Care]

See if this works!

[Controlled Chaos]

THANK YOU everyone for your words of encouragement, advice and support.

I catch glimpses of what DCM sees, so I hope that once I get him under control, he'll be the sweet boy his mom thinks he is.

When people mention play yard, is that the same thing as a pnp? He sleeps in a pnp in the playroom, so that is definitely an option if I put some toys in there. As it is, he spends more time in his highchair than the other kids (when I'm making food, in the washroom, or changing someone else's diaper).

I kind of do the same thing as somone mentioned at meals, of only giving him one or two bites at a time. I think we are making some progress there, so I'll keep at it. One lovely thing he does that I forgot to mention is he'll take huge gulps of water, then spit it all out down his shirt. So I've even stopped giving him a cup. I just offer him some water, and hold it for him to drink.

I tried doing as suggested for his last diaper change. I usually try to speed through it, but I took my time, rubbed his belly and didn't proceed until he had stopped freaking out. It worked better than I thought it would, so I'm going to use this method.

Mom experiences the same thing as far as diaper changes. On his intro form she wrote "have fun with diaper changes"

I'm hoping the screaming/whinning/moaning thing will get better with time, because it's constant. He fights getting ready to go out, sitting in the stroller, being held, etc. It's exhausting, but I don't give in to him ever.

Thanks all :hug:

The pac n play is different from a play yard. http://www.target.com/p/north-states...G_4aAidM8P8HAQ

That is what I have. Sorry the link is weird long
I am allowed to have child in here as long as they still get personal interactions from me every 20 min. I wouldn't leave a kid in there that long though. I use it to fence of tables sometimes so big kids can use scissors and glue without the littles grabbing their stuff, and then as a I stated above for the toddlers gone berserk.

[Unregistered]

funny thing is

Here, he would be my shadow. He would accompany me the whole day except for my own potty breaks when he would go in a pnp. I wouldn't give him the chance to do something unacceptable. He would get praise with each good choice and be physically removed any time he needed removed. No talking. No coddling. Just moved.

If he chooses not to eat, I choose to remove him from meal. That is completely unacceptable and some one has conditioned him to believe it's allowed. My advice, if he spits out food, try again. If he spits again, take his plate. Give him a cup. If he throws cup he is telling you, in his non verbal way, that he is finished with meal. I would remove him from the meal.

For diaper changes, I would do as other poster suggested and hold him still gently and resume when he calms down.
He has been allowed to do these things. He has been taught that this is life. This is how he is supposed to act. You have to reteach him acceptable methods and reactions. It's not easy. But it is not impossible.
Hugggggs and love to you. You're going to need it.

I put the pnp away because the kiddo could clear and climb out of it no problem. I know I have to seperate with tall gate if I had to go number two of something which I rarely do during daycare for fear of "that kid" doing something to another child or the child who is "the victim" really hurting "that kid". I have "that kid" in my care right now, and I think it will get better so I just keep up with the shadowing, behavior guidance, to's. The behavior guidance I don't give up on but I am noticing that the child perceives behavior guidance as an order and says "no". So I am still working on this with them. I don't know if I should act like the behavior guidance is a choice with this child or what?? I am kind of at a loss too but I know it will get better cause I have seen kids like this come around. An expert once said that sometimes it takes telling a child 500 or more times the right way to do it before you see the results.....