Cold heart or give a second chance?

[momofboys]

I would let it go personally. You never know when someone is going to die. Would you not accept a job "just in case" a family member were to pass? It happens. My mom just died sort of unexpectedly & I had to call off a whole week for the funeral & services out of town (I nanny). Did it inconvenience my family? Definitely but they were GRACIOUS & kind about it knowing it is my mom. I could have went back sooner but this was my mom & I would be no good to the kids in my care if I was crying the whole time. I would possibly require her to provide information (an obituary) as proof. At my husband's work he gets 3 days off for bereavement time for close family members but he has to provide the obit. Sorry she got off to a rocky start.

[momofboys]

I don't think texting is fishy! When both of my parents died (5 years apart) I texted parents. I would have burst into tears if I had to talk to several parents at a time explaining that my parent had passed. Calling someone, even if you only have to call one person, is always difficult when you are trying to do so without crying.

[momofboys]

I have lost all 4 of my grandparents unexpectantly. Two were while I was doing daycare. Also, we had many close calls with my mil and if I put my life on hold and said I couldn't start a job because we might lose her, I'd have been out of work for years!


Everyone has their own opinion on texting. Personally I like having documentation in writing, but if you want employes to call as stated in their hand book, then I'd address this and make sure she understands what's expected in the future.

[lblanke]

Just get the obituary and (if travel is involved), a copy of a plane ticket, hotel or copies of the out of town gas and restaurant receipts "for record keeping purposes" for the employee's file. If her great grandmother did pass away, then it would be awful not to allow her to attend, especially when she is not working with kids and just shadowing. If it is made up and she cannot produce any documentation, let her go. The last person you want working with children is someone that you do not trust.

[daycare]

OP: I noticed in some of the previous posts you mentioned that your lead assistant is "pressuring you", "this is what my lead wanted me to do", "My lead has the right to hire and fire people in my absents", "my lead doesn't want...", and "my lead said...". I think it may be time you re-evaluate this employee's role before you try to analyze your new employee. It sounds like your lead maybe starting to cross the line a bit, like she/he's getting up in your head and knows how to manipulate you (which can happen if you have worked with them for a long time). I'm not sure what your relationship is outside of work (friends, family, etc.) but boundary crossing is an issue that can occur after getting comfortable. Is this person your business partner or your employee? Because if she is your employee, IMHO, I think you have given her too much power.

All your employees, seasoned and new, have a right to fair treatment and confidentiality between them and the employer (it shouldn't have to be a privilege that needs to be earned), would you be talking about your lead behind their back with the new employee or another employee? If your lead unexpectedly missed work because someone in her family died last minute and she didn't say "Oh, by the way, my otherwise healthy aunt has a mild cold and there's less than a 4% chance she might kick the bucket at any moment." would you give her the benefit of the doubt?

Employees also deserve the right to a hostile free work environment. Working with children can be hostile enough with out your boss and co-workers talking about you behind your back. Right now, it seems like your lead has already pitted an "us vs. them" mentality with your employees. I understand she is your lead, but if she is not your business partner there are some things that just aren't her business and shouldn't be her decision.

It doesn't matter if the death was 'expected' or not, because unless you are God or the Grim Reaper (or whatever you believe in) no one can accurately predict death. My grandmother had Alzheimer for over 10 years (after a stroke), the last 7 years my mom would say "I think this is going to be my mom's last Christmas" and doctors suggested hospices several times through out the years, because of how fast she was deteriorating. She was actually starting to slightly improve (gaining a little weight, some signs of mental clarity) before she died in her sleep last year.

Personally, yes, I would be a little irked at first that my new assistant had to miss work when I needed her; but I would trust that most people would not willingly jeopardize a new job without a good reason. If someone close to you in your family died (unexpectedly or not) you would most likely hope that others respect your feelings and understand you may need some time to grieve or be there for other family members.

At the end of the day everything is your decision, not your lead's and not us. After all, who's the boss: you or your lead assistant?




and yes, honestly, that does sound bad/unfair to lump one group of people together and assume they are all alike (irresponsible and 'entitled to everything').

I am in the age group of what most people on here would call "young people" (under 25). I am currently nannying for two families (infant and a special needs tween) and on average work 7 days a week for $5/hr for both families. One of the families takes up my full weekend from 6:45 am until 9:30 at night on Saturdays and Sundays (a 2 hour break each day when grandparents take him to therapy or bowling) and I watch both on Monday (baby while the older boy is at school).

I did call in last Monday for the baby because the weather was affecting my asthma the last few days and didn't want to risk getting the baby sick, but it was also MLK day so the school ager was out of school and I had him all day (he was already getting over a cold so I was making sure I didn't catch anything and pass it to the baby). The baby isn't too much of a deal because that's more of a mother's helper thing (the mom is usually home and just needs someone to watch/play with him while she sleeps before her friend watches him in the afternoon while she works).

Even when I worked at a home daycare (late teens/earlier 20's) I was always reliable, often filled in for the providers own daughter (my roommate) who was older than me and knew she could get away with a lot more than other employees. She actually used to make inappropriate and even racist (that didn't apply to me) comments and jokes about me being a hard worker and willing to work for less than everyone else.

I have known young people who were very hard working and selfless and I have known older people who were very lazy and selfish (and, of course, vice versa). It's all based on the individual and their personal values, not yours or your assistants assumptions of what 'young people' are like these days.

We can agree to disagree. You are way off base about how I work with my employees.
My lead is also responsible for evaluating and managing the rest of my staff. Pretty much I'm the owner she's the director. I don't discuss my wmployees with anyone but her. At the end of the day she may spend more time with them than I do.

She is amazing and has never crossed any lines.

Just as I had a gut feeling so did she. My lead was supposed to work with her that morning and of course asked why she was not there.

I already found out today that she was out at a college party. So my guy was right. Looks like I should continue to listen to my gut.

If my opinion offended you that it's hard to find young person that is not entitled. I live in a very wealthy area where that statement is not just a matter of opinion it's a fact. Im not saying all young people are entitled, but in my opinion it's hard to find some they are not.

So it looks like I will be writing a letter of termination to provide first thing Monday morning. ****s for me. But it is what it is.

Also my point about comparing it to a parent thT forgets to pay is that it starts off a rocky foundation for that family. I was also saying that when a parent forgets to pay of you don't set the tone from the start that it's not going to be tolerated you will get taken advantage of.

Again thank you all for your input. Looks like I'm back to the drawing board.

[jenboo]

We can agree to disagree. You are way off base about how I work with my employees.
My lead is also responsible for evaluating and managing the rest of my staff. Pretty much I'm the owner she's the director. I don't discuss my wmployees with anyone but her. At the end of the day she may spend more time with them than I do.

She is amazing and has never crossed any lines.

Just as I had a gut feeling so did she. My lead was supposed to work with her that morning and of course asked why she was not there.

I already found out today that she was out at a college party. So my guy was right. Looks like I should continue to listen to my gut.

If my opinion offended you that it's hard to find young person that is not entitled. I live in a very wealthy area where that statement is not just a matter of opinion it's a fact. Im not saying all young people are entitled, but in my opinion it's hard to find some they are not.

So it looks like I will be writing a letter of termination to provide first thing Monday morning. ****s for me. But it is what it is.

Also my point about comparing it to a parent thT forgets to pay is that it starts off a rocky foundation for that family. I was also saying that when a parent forgets to pay of you don't set the tone from the start that it's not going to be tolerated you will get taken advantage of.

Again thank you all for your input. Looks like I'm back to the drawing board.

Bummer that she wasn't trustworthy! Gut feelings are always best... I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it backfires.
I really hope you are able to find someone who is trustworthy and a hard worker!

[Unregistered]

op: I noticed in some of the previous posts you mentioned that your lead assistant is "pressuring you", "this is what my lead wanted me to do", "my lead has the right to hire and fire people in my absents", "my lead doesn't want...", and "my lead said...". I think it may be time you re-evaluate this employee's role before you try to analyze your new employee. It sounds like your lead maybe starting to cross the line a bit, like she/he's getting up in your head and knows how to manipulate you (which can happen if you have worked with them for a long time). I'm not sure what your relationship is outside of work (friends, family, etc.) but boundary crossing is an issue that can occur after getting comfortable. Is this person your business partner or your employee? Because if she is your employee, imho, i think you have given her too much power.

All your employees, seasoned and new, have a right to fair treatment and confidentiality between them and the employer (it shouldn't have to be a privilege that needs to be earned), would you be talking about your lead behind their back with the new employee or another employee? If your lead unexpectedly missed work because someone in her family died last minute and she didn't say "oh, by the way, my otherwise healthy aunt has a mild cold and there's less than a 4% chance she might kick the bucket at any moment." would you give her the benefit of the doubt?

Employees also deserve the right to a hostile free work environment. Working with children can be hostile enough with out your boss and co-workers talking about you behind your back. Right now, it seems like your lead has already pitted an "us vs. Them" mentality with your employees. I understand she is your lead, but if she is not your business partner there are some things that just aren't her business and shouldn't be her decision.

It doesn't matter if the death was 'expected' or not, because unless you are god or the grim reaper (or whatever you believe in) no one can accurately predict death. My grandmother had alzheimer for over 10 years (after a stroke), the last 7 years my mom would say "i think this is going to be my mom's last christmas" and doctors suggested hospices several times through out the years, because of how fast she was deteriorating. She was actually starting to slightly improve (gaining a little weight, some signs of mental clarity) before she died in her sleep last year.

Personally, yes, i would be a little irked at first that my new assistant had to miss work when i needed her; but i would trust that most people would not willingly jeopardize a new job without a good reason. If someone close to you in your family died (unexpectedly or not) you would most likely hope that others respect your feelings and understand you may need some time to grieve or be there for other family members.

At the end of the day everything is your decision, not your lead's and not us. After all, who's the boss: You or your lead assistant?




And yes, honestly, that does sound bad/unfair to lump one group of people together and assume they are all alike (irresponsible and 'entitled to everything').

I am in the age group of what most people on here would call "young people" (under 25). I am currently nannying for two families (infant and a special needs tween) and on average work 7 days a week for $5/hr for both families. One of the families takes up my full weekend from 6:45 am until 9:30 at night on saturdays and sundays (a 2 hour break each day when grandparents take him to therapy or bowling) and i watch both on monday (baby while the older boy is at school).

I did call in last monday for the baby because the weather was affecting my asthma the last few days and didn't want to risk getting the baby sick, but it was also mlk day so the school ager was out of school and i had him all day (he was already getting over a cold so i was making sure i didn't catch anything and pass it to the baby). The baby isn't too much of a deal because that's more of a mother's helper thing (the mom is usually home and just needs someone to watch/play with him while she sleeps before her friend watches him in the afternoon while she works).

Even when i worked at a home daycare (late teens/earlier 20's) i was always reliable, often filled in for the providers own daughter (my roommate) who was older than me and knew she could get away with a lot more than other employees. She actually used to make inappropriate and even racist (that didn't apply to me) comments and jokes about me being a hard worker and willing to work for less than everyone else.

I have known young people who were very hard working and selfless and i have known older people who were very lazy and selfish (and, of course, vice versa). It's all based on the individual and their personal values, not yours or your assistants assumptions of what 'young people' are like these days.

👍👍👍👍👍

[Josiegirl]

Aw daycare, I'm sorry. Hopefully you'll get a gem this next time.

No, not every young person is an entitled one and we all know that but sometimes we base our feelings, opinions, assumptions, on our own personal experiences. And sometimes our feelings are justified, sometimes not. I'll bet if you look around inside each and every single one of us, you'll find we all judge something or someone, even just a little bit. And as Daycare even told us, she's jaded. Maybe she'd been burnt with employees before? It's kind of like being jilted by a boyfriend, it's even harder to trust the next one.