Mention or Just Correct At Daycare?

[Kabob]

I have a couple of small pet peeves that are bothering me right now and usually I am very blunt about stuff that's bugging me but I don't know if I really should say something to the parents or just correct the issues as they happen here.

The first issue bugging me is the 23 month old dcb that likes to make every toy into a gun. It's a pet peeve of mine, especially since he is so young. I wasn't even sure that's what he was doing until we were playing a fishing game yesterday as a group and when it was his turn with the fishing pole, he immediately grabbed it like a gun and pointed it at another child and said "bang bang bang". Le sigh. I took it away and redirected him to something else. He gets in their face with every toy and tries to get them to run from him while he does it so it is a problem. I thought I was just imagining things until dcm told dcb yesterday at drop off that he can watch more Iron Man after daycare. I really don't care what parents let their kids play or watch at home but it really is a nuisance at daycare...

The other pet peeve of mine is dcm of 2.5 yo dcg telling her that she'll be left here if she doesn't hurry up and get dressed to leave. I.hate.that. It makes dcg anxious about being left here at drop off and it doesn't help her get ready at all. Dcm likes to let dcg make her own choices but really there's a time when she just needs to tell dcg that she needs to listen. Dcg is really great at finding wiggle room in the rules and when given 2 choices, she likes to pick option 3. It just doesn't work to give her choices when it is time to get her ready to go and it certainly doesn't help me to tell dcg that she is going to be left at daycare as a punishment for not getting ready quickly. I usually get dcg ready myself for this very reason as she never wiggles or protests when I get her ready to go. She knows it isn't an option with me. However, dcm has been showing up randomly early so that leaves her to get dcg ready and then she takes so long that she barely gets out the door on time for her scheduled pick up time.

Should I say anything to either parents? Or should I just continue to correct here at daycare and let the parents carry on...

These really are pet peeves of mine so I know it doesn't bother other people as much as it bugs me so perhaps I'm just extra sensitive about it.

[Blackcat31]

I have a couple of small pet peeves that are bothering me right now and usually I am very blunt about stuff that's bugging me but I don't know if I really should say something to the parents or just correct the issues as they happen here.

The first issue bugging me is the 23 month old dcb that likes to make every toy into a gun. It's a pet peeve of mine, especially since he is so young. I wasn't even sure that's what he was doing until we were playing a fishing game yesterday as a group and when it was his turn with the fishing pole, he immediately grabbed it like a gun and pointed it at another child and said "bang bang bang". Le sigh. I took it away and redirected him to something else. He gets in their face with every toy and tries to get them to run from him while he does it so it is a problem. I thought I was just imagining things until dcm told dcb yesterday at drop off that he can watch more Iron Man after daycare. I really don't care what parents let their kids play or watch at home but it really is a nuisance at daycare...

The other pet peeve of mine is dcm of 2.5 yo dcg telling her that she'll be left here if she doesn't hurry up and get dressed to leave. I.hate.that. It makes dcg anxious about being left here at drop off and it doesn't help her get ready at all. Dcm likes to let dcg make her own choices but really there's a time when she just needs to tell dcg that she needs to listen. Dcg is really great at finding wiggle room in the rules and when given 2 choices, she likes to pick option 3. It just doesn't work to give her choices when it is time to get her ready to go and it certainly doesn't help me to tell dcg that she is going to be left at daycare as a punishment for not getting ready quickly. I usually get dcg ready myself for this very reason as she never wiggles or protests when I get her ready to go. She knows it isn't an option with me. However, dcm has been showing up randomly early so that leaves her to get dcg ready and then she takes so long that she barely gets out the door on time for her scheduled pick up time.

Should I say anything to either parents? Or should I just continue to correct here at daycare and let the parents carry on...

These really are pet peeves of mine so I know it doesn't bother other people as much as it bugs me so perhaps I'm just extra sensitive about it.

If something bothers you about a child's behavior in your program, say something.

I allow gun play (within certain boundaries) but if you don't then talk to the parents and let them know it will not be tolerated. Especially the pointing the "gun" AT others. That isn't something I would allow.

Tell the parents that is NOT acceptable and if they are "supporting" it at home (via the TV shows they watch etc) then it's their responsibility to set guidelines for the child so he doesn't get kicked out of places that don't allow gun play.

The threats to leave their child at daycare would have me steaming mad. That is not fair to you or their child. I would definitely suggest to the parent that they need to find another way to prompt their child to be faster as threatening them is almost emotionally abusive in my opinion.

Way to give your kid anxiety issues...

[Kabob]

If something bothers you about a child's behavior in your program, say something.

I allow gun play (within certain boundaries) but if you don't then talk to the parents and let them know it will not be tolerated. Especially the pointing the "gun" AT others. That isn't something I would allow.

Tell the parents that is NOT acceptable and if they are "supporting" it at home (via the TV shows they watch etc) then it's their responsibility to set guidelines for the child so he doesn't get kicked out of places that don't allow gun play.

The threats to leave their child at daycare would have me steaming mad. That is not fair to you or their child. I would definitely suggest to the parent that they need to find another way to prompt their child to be faster as threatening them is almost emotionally abusive in my opinion.

Way to give your kid anxiety issues...

I should clarify the gun play thing as it is a pet peeve because he isn't doing it to play but rather to scare or chase or harm the other children. I don't allow running in the house as it is dangerous and so I also don't allow roaring like a dinosaur/bear/whatever and chasing either. Someone gets scared or runs and then gets hurt. So no go. Plus this kid also has been my biter in the past so he has a tendency to be physically aggressive with the others...he also has been trying to kick the others lately...fortunately I have caught him every time so far but I don't like that new behavior either and think it is related to his new obsession with sticking pretend guns in other kids' faces and trying to harm/chase/scare them.

As for dcg...yeah...I just want to tell dcm to knock it off...I have been avoiding the issue for a very long time...months...as dcm always has had trouble getting dcg ready to go so I've always gotten dcg ready...but this threat is new since these early pick ups are new. Any suggestions how to nicely tell her to stop saying this...I feel like I come off as condescending when I rehearse in my head.

[Kabob]

Oh and add to my list of pet peeves...newly 3 yo dcg likes to lick/****/chew on everything. Her fingers...toys...the wall...books...if I redirect her to another toy, she immediately starts again. Not sure if this is a behavior that the parent needs to have evaluated or just a phase...but goodness I have to clean more mouthed toys from her than my own baby...

[CraftyMom]

You might mention these to parents in such a way that you are bringing it to their attention, but not exactly telling them it is huge problem.

For example "Johnny has been pretending everything is a gun. We are working on not pointing guns in his friends faces since no one likes that and guns (whether they are real or fake) should never be pointed in someone's face"

"We are working on getting dcg to stop putting everything in her mouth. There are too many germs to be spread back and forth by licking things, ****ing on her fingers, etc. With cold and Flu season in full swing we do not need to be spreading extra germs around"

As for the mom threatening to leave her kid there, that just needs to stop. "Dcm, please do not threaten to leave your child here. This is a fun safe place and you are giving her the impression that leaving her here will be a punishment. It is not a punishment to be here, she enjoys it"

[mamamanda]

Sounds like 3yo dcg may be seeking sensory input? At that age I'd think its more than "exploring" like it is for a baby. Have you noticed any other sensory issues? Heidi might have some input on this. She helped me a lot with a couple dcks I had who struggled with that. Maybe offer other opportunities for sensory input aside from mouthing things. Or suggest to parents maybe buying a "chewing necklace" to redirect to something appropriate for her mouth?
As for the other dcm, maybe you could say something like, "When you threaten to leave her at daycare I feel like it causes her to be anxious about staying with me. Do you think we could come up with an alternative way of getting her ready to go?"

[Meeko]

You might mention these to parents in such a way that you are bringing it to their attention, but not exactly telling them it is huge problem.

For example "Johnny has been pretending everything is a gun. We are working on not pointing guns in his friends faces since no one likes that and guns (whether they are real or fake) should never be pointed in someone's face"

"We are working on getting dcg to stop putting everything in her mouth. There are too many germs to be spread back and forth by licking things, ****ing on her fingers, etc. With cold and Flu season in full swing we do not need to be spreading extra germs around"

As for the mom threatening to leave her kid there, that just needs to stop. "Dcm, please do not threaten to leave your child here. This is a fun safe place and you are giving her the impression that leaving her here will be a punishment. It is not a punishment to be here, she enjoys it"

[daycare]

I don't do guns at all, so that would bug the life out of me. I agree say something like pp said.

My dcks never want to leave when its time to go and some will try to run and hide from their parents. So I tell them anyone who is still here after 5 min has to scrub toilets and wash dishes...

we have a (clean) toilet brush for the lint, long story that is by the closet door. THe kids run out that door really quick and the parents think its super funny. But for a parent to threaten their kid with I am going to leave you there is not ok...they need to stop doing that.. thats mean

[SignMeUp]

I had a wonderful child who was a chewer ::
This tip came from a class I attended and it worked wonders for him. It's supposed to give "as much sensory input as eating a bowl of popcorn", according to the teacher.
Try it on yourself before you teach him: Stick out two fingers on each hand. Place those fingers on your jaw joint - trace from the ears down to the joint.
Rub in circles seven times (could be ten times - seven was how long my boy tolerated) on that joint.
I had him do this whenever I saw something in his mouth, and saw dramatic improvement within days. I'm sure part of it is just the redirection.
I talked to his mom before we did this. We figured it could do no harm, so we tried it, and we're all so happy that he went off to school without chewing on everything he touched

[Unregistered]

thoughts

I'm a preschool teacher not family childcare owner (and a former preschool director). Where my son went to preschool (co-op where I worked there as a parent), the director allowed pretend gunplay with the restriction that the child must ask if the other child wants to play and respect when other children don't want to play. That way the ones who like it are fine and the ones who don't are fine. I didn't like the idea of gunplay, but I liked how she made it work.

For the parent threatening their child, that is really messed up! She is probably grasping at straws and can't think of what to do to make the kid hurry up. She needs tools maybe. You could hint at things by talking to the child in a reasonable respectful way and helping them get ready and maybe that would serve as a good model for the mom? I would also flat out tell the mom, we don't punish or threaten here, thank you!

For the mouthing 3 year old. I have seen this every class with at least one maybe two three year olds. We give them their own teething item. keep it in the freezer. Wash after every use. Give it to the child everytime you see them start mouthing something. Verbalize to them that they can chew or lick this and not the table (for example) because this keeps the germs away from the other children- so we dont share germs and get sick. when they tire of the teether, give it a quick soapy water wash and put it back in the freezer. If its impossible to wash everytime, I would have a few and just keep the used (unwashed) in a specific labeled "mouthed toy" container to clean end of every day... Good Luck!

Oh and as far as the parent giving choices and you feel like the child doesnt hop-to with mom the way she hops-to for you: thats because they test their parents more than anyone else. Students- even the most independent ones- totally hop-to for me, but my own 27 month old loves to see how far he can push! It's not automatically a parent's fault that a toddler is asserting independence. It's only natural development.

[Kabob]

Yeah my own 3 yo likes to test me more than any of my daycare kiddos but even the 2.5 yo dcg mentioned is terrible if you give her choices...if I tell her we're playing playdoh and offer her 2 different colors to choose from, she'll ask for a 3rd option that she knows doesn't exist so she doesn't have to play playdoh. That's how she maintains control but it just doesn't work in a daycare setting...but dcm just drags it out anyway by offering endless options at pickup then gets frustrated and starts with the threats. I have an idea now how to approach her threats to leave dcg behind so hopefully between our chat and me continuing to get dcg ready to leave (if possible), the threats will stop. Definitely mentioning how it makes dcg so anxious about being left behind here...

As for 23 month dcb, I talked to dcd and he told me they let dcb watch whatever he wants at home to get him to go to bed...otherwise he needs a bottle. He did ask for suggestions to curb his bedtime issues so hopefully that will help.

I will try some options with 3 yo dcg for her mouthing everything. Other than that one issue, she is fine. I just was so baffled to see her licking/chewing every book she got her hands on yesterday...ick!

Glad to know I'm not alone and I appreciate all the feedback!