was I wrong

[sharlan]

Yesterday morning, dcg comes is as normal. As soon as Mom shuts the door, dcg tells me, "These are my pajamas (sweat pants and t-shirt). Mommy told me to change into my pretty dress." She runs to the bathroom to change and comes out in a princess nightgown.

I'm going, wait a minute. She had on normal clothes and that's a nightgown. I proceed to question her and it comes out that yes, that was the clothes that dcm put on her and the she's now wearing her nightgown that she wore to bed the night before.

I make her change back into her clothes and put her nightgown into her cubby for lying to me. I have major issues with lying.

Mom comes in at pick-up and asks, "Where's your pretty princess dress?" I tell dcm that I made her change back into her clothes for lying. She's starting to lie and I want to nip it in the bud.

Dcm proceeds to tell me that dcg was throwing such a fit in the morning that she told her she could change back into her pretty princess dress once she got to my house. (So, dcg was partly right, dcm did tell her she could change back into her nightgown.)

Had I known that, I definitely wouldn't have let her wear the nightgown. I don't submit to terrorists, regardless of the age.

Now, I'm thinking that dcm "did" tell her that she could wear her "pretty princess dress".

This morning, they came in with a big box of donuts and chocolate milk for everyone. Yeah, like that's going to happen for breakfast. Dcm brings in chocolate milk about once a month. Dcg eats a few bites and throws the rest away. I keep telling dcm that she doesn't eat them, but dcm brings them anyways.

[Ariana]

I would apologize to the little girl, explain the misunderstanding and tell her she can where her pretty dress any other day of the week. She didn't lie to you and you thought she did. Kids respect adults who know when to apologize and it teaches her a very valuable lesson.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

No. Just no. A child would not be allowed to change into the pajamas she wore the night before for daycare. Children should be dressed and groomed for daycare. Period.

I would use this as a teaching moment for DCG as well. I would not apologize. I would let her know that I did not believe her although she was telling the truth BECAUSE of the lies she had told me before, about trust, and blah, blah, blah. Then, I might be inclined to apologize only to the DCM for not believing DCG, but that it was a justified misunderstanding since she had told her she could change from street clothes into pajamas at daycare.:confused::confused:

[Play Care]

I guess I don't understand the lying part? I would have had her change back because we don't wear pajamas here and dress up goes on OVER clean clothing...

It sounds as if this family is constantly challenging and not following policy so I can see where the frustration is coming from.

[Shell]

I'm probably going to be the odd man out, but I wouldn't say/do anything. This was a power struggle between dcm and dcg. If they try it again, then it's an issue.

[Play Care]

No. Just no. A child would not be allowed to change into the pajamas she wore the night before for daycare. Children should be dressed and groomed for daycare. Period.

I would use this as a teaching moment for DCG as well. I would not apologize. I would let her know that I did not believe her although she was telling the truth BECAUSE of the lies she had told me before, about trust, and blah, blah, blah. Then, I might be inclined to apologize only to the DCM for not believing DCG, but that it was a justified misunderstanding since she had told her she could change from street clothes into pajamas at daycare.:confused::confused:

This exactly. I have apologized to kids when I've been in the wrong, but this is a situation brought on by previous behavior on DCG and DCM part. You thought she ways lying because, well, she lies
On a side note I tell my clients to never ever tell their child I will do x,y, or z with them or for them. (So mom telling the child that she could change at my house would be out) I've even said to parents that it would be like me telling their child at pick up that mommmy would take them to McDonalds for dinner...

[Hunni Bee]

I don't think you were wrong.

I've had that happen before - where the situation was so ridiculous that I thought the child was lying and later found out that the parent was not parenting, and that was the real issue.

I wouldn't feel bad about it.

I would just say "Ms. Sharlan thought you were lying and you weren't. I'm sorry. You may wear your princess dress at home and we don't change clothes here unless we have an accident."

If the dress comes back, send it out.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

you are not wrong and don't need to apologize. If anything, the mom should apologize to you for passing off her parenting onto you. She sabotoged you from the beginning by not parenting her child and leaving it up to you to do it. I would make it clear to mom that dcg needs to be dressed for the day in appropriate clothing and no more junk food!

[Jewels]

I would tell the girl that I was sorry for thinking she lied when it was the mom who got her in trouble, which is annoying on the moms part, I however do allow children to come in Jammies especially in the winter, but that's different and most don't, The donuts I wouldn't say anything I would allow her to bring them, but only because I would cut one donut up between all children so they each just got a bite, and then I would probably eat the rest because I have a weakness for donuts(in hiding of course to not be seen) and I would love the monthly treat for myself

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I just wanted to add that in my experience, whenever a kid says, "my mommy told me I could...", I don't even bother thinking if she is telling the truth or not, I just say, "This is my house, my rules, and this is what we are going to do." Lying is really a moot issue, because regardless of if she is tlling the truth or not, what mommy says at home does not transition into my daycare. She can talk to mommy about it after daycare and if mommy has issues with my rules, we can work it out as adults. This way, it gets put back on mom at the end of the day, as in my experience with that age is they rarely forget, so mom will probably hear about it at the end of the day

[KiddieCahoots]

No apology necessary.
Dcg probably already forgot anyway, let it go and move on.
And I definitely would keep on doing what you are doing, following your own policies, and explain them to dcg right in front of dcm....."Susie, you know you cannot wear your pajamas here, so does mommy", and hand them to dcm. If dcm is going to play "good cop/bad cop" with you, play hard!

[Laurel]

I would tell the girl that I was sorry for thinking she lied when it was the mom who got her in trouble, which is annoying on the moms part, I however do allow children to come in Jammies especially in the winter, but that's different and most don't, The donuts I wouldn't say anything I would allow her to bring them, but only because I would cut one donut up between all children so they each just got a bite, and then I would probably eat the rest because I have a weakness for donuts(in hiding of course to not be seen) and I would love the monthly treat for myself

::::::

[daycare]

No. Just no. A child would not be allowed to change into the pajamas she wore the night before for daycare. Children should be dressed and groomed for daycare. Period.

I would use this as a teaching moment for DCG as well. I would not apologize. I would let her know that I did not believe her although she was telling the truth BECAUSE of the lies she had told me before, about trust, and blah, blah, blah. Then, I might be inclined to apologize only to the DCM for not believing DCG, but that it was a justified misunderstanding since she had told her she could change from street clothes into pajamas at daycare.:confused::confused:

I agree with this, but I am stubborn..I would not say sorry to DCM, becasue DCM told DCG to break a DC policy. I would be expecting an apology...

[Unregistered]

wow, you just automatically assumed she was lying without finding out for sure
yea, poor girl needs a hug and apology
gotta love those kids in your care
it's not their choice to be there

[AmyLeigh]

Yesterday morning, dcg comes is as normal. As soon as Mom shuts the door, dcg tells me, "These are my pajamas (sweat pants and t-shirt). Mommy told me to change into my pretty dress." She runs to the bathroom to change and comes out in a princess nightgown.

I'm going, wait a minute. She had on normal clothes and that's a nightgown. I proceed to question her and it comes out that yes, that was the clothes that dcm put on her and the she's now wearing her nightgown that she wore to bed the night before.

I make her change back into her clothes and put her nightgown into her cubby for lying to me. I have major issues with lying.

Mom comes in at pick-up and asks, "Where's your pretty princess dress?" I tell dcm that I made her change back into her clothes for lying. She's starting to lie and I want to nip it in the bud.

Dcm proceeds to tell me that dcg was throwing such a fit in the morning that she told her she could change back into her pretty princess dress once she got to my house. (So, dcg was partly right, dcm did tell her she could change back into her nightgown.)

Had I known that, I definitely wouldn't have let her wear the nightgown. I don't submit to terrorists, regardless of the age.

Now, I'm thinking that dcm "did" tell her that she could wear her "pretty princess dress".

This morning, they came in with a big box of donuts and chocolate milk for everyone. Yeah, like that's going to happen for breakfast. Dcm brings in chocolate milk about once a month. Dcg eats a few bites and throws the rest away. I keep telling dcm that she doesn't eat them, but dcm brings them anyways.

The child did lie. But it was probably a lie that dcm told her to tell you so that she could change back into the nightgown. Thus, the reason the child is starting to lie: mom.