A Little Fed Up This Morning

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I have a DCF that has been with me for 4.5 years, with 2 kids that I've cared for since they were both babies (the older one came to be just before his first birthday from an unsavory daycare, the younger one since birth). This DCF has always been great, one of my favorite families of all time.

Then, this morning, DCM tells me that I need to shorten nap time for the younger one beginning next week. DCG is not quite 2 1/2. She says that she is up until 10:30 at night, and describes last night's scenario: They put her in her crib at 8:30, where for the next two hours they watched her from the video monitor and witnessed DCG strip her pajamas, diaper, all bedding, pee on the mattress, then tried reaching everything from the floor and pulling it back in.

I replied that nap is only 2 hours, from 1-3, and she usually sleeps the entire duration, so that says to me her body needs it (especially at her age). And that it is natural for her to have a later bedtime than 5yo big bro that doesn't nap at all anymore (he's here still in his final year before Kindergarten). And lastly, that what she describes sounds more like a discipline issue than a sleeping issue. She didn't like that.

I've had this come up so many freaking times it just completely and absolutely disgusts me. And now from one of my best familes, too. So many DCFs just want to put their kids to bed as early as possible, and expect daycare to make that possible and then deal with the fallout.

So, what do I do? In the past, I've told the parents of kids under 4 that I'm going along with it, giving them shorter naps (when in reality nothing has changed), and it shuts them up. Their bedtime woes magically disappear.

I'd like to give them a big, fat no. Suggest they try a new bedtime routine, dole out consequences, transition to a big kid bed, backwards footie pajamas that cannot be removed, just a bare mattress so there is nothing to do, use3 some discipline and common sense, TRY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ELSE BEFORE YOU ASK ME TO COMPLICATE MY DAYCARE DAY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR CHILD AT HOME.

Okay. I feel better. Thank goodness for all of you here that understand and can sympathize. It really does make a difference to have this support, virtual or not!

[hope]

You can tell dcm that children are required to rest, nap or have quiet time from 1 till 3. If her child wakes up she can play quietly. You will not wake the child up because if you do she will be cranky and wake up the rest of the group. If she didnt need the sleep she would wake on her own. This is group care so you can not have one cranky child up after only napping an hour. Suggest all that you can for her to make bed time better and move on. Parents love to ask us to vhange our schedules and that usually results in a big mess for us, all the daycare kids and it eventually trickles down to affecting tje other families also. Stick to your schedule.

[sharlan]

I have a DCF that has been with me for 4.5 years, with 2 kids that I've cared for since they were both babies (the older one came to be just before his first birthday from an unsavory daycare, the younger one since birth). This DCF has always been great, one of my favorite families of all time.

Then, this morning, DCM tells me that I need to shorten nap time for the younger one beginning next week. DCG is not quite 2 1/2. She says that she is up until 10:30 at night, and describes last night's scenario: They put her in her crib at 8:30, where for the next two hours they watched her from the video monitor and witnessed DCG strip her pajamas, diaper, all bedding, pee on the mattress, then tried reaching everything from the floor and pulling it back in.
I replied that nap is only 2 hours, from 1-3, and she usually sleeps the entire duration, so that says to me her body needs it (especially at her age). And that it is natural for her to have a later bedtime than 5yo big bro that doesn't nap at all anymore (he's here still in his final year before Kindergarten). And lastly, that what she describes sounds more like a discipline issue than a sleeping issue. She didn't like that.

I've had this come up so many freaking times it just completely and absolutely disgusts me. And now from one of my best familes, too. So many DCFs just want to put their kids to bed as early as possible, and expect daycare to make that possible and then deal with the fallout.

So, what do I do? In the past, I've told the parents of kids under 4 that I'm going along with it, giving them shorter naps (when in reality nothing has changed), and it shuts them up. Their bedtime woes magically disappear.

I'd like to give them a big, fat no. Suggest they try a new bedtime routine, dole out consequences, transition to a big kid bed, backwards footie pajamas that cannot be removed, just a bare mattress so there is nothing to do, use3 some discipline and common sense, TRY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ELSE BEFORE YOU ASK ME TO COMPLICATE MY DAYCARE DAY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR CHILD AT HOME.

Okay. I feel better. Thank goodness for all of you here that understand and can sympathize. It really does make a difference to have this support, virtual or not!

They observed all of this from the baby monitor and did nothing about it.........

IMHO, this is a parent issue, not a daycare issue.

[Shell]

I know what you mean, but I seriously doubt the parents are going to change anything at home. I would just tell her you will wake her early (and don't). When dcg is still acting up in the crib, you can give dcm a nice, big, blank stare ::

[daycare]

They observed all of this from the baby monitor and did nothing about it.........

IMHO, this is a parent issue, not a daycare issue.

That was my thought as well... WHY didn't they do anything? They just sat there and watched it? wow

I would tell them no, sorry. If your child has outgrown naps, they have outgrown my program. From 1-3 all children sleep.

[daycarediva]

they observed all of this from the baby monitor and did nothing about it.........

Imho, this is a parent issue, not a daycare issue.

seriously!

[finsup]

Yeah...if I saw my child even ATTEMPT to undress and pee on the mattress, I'd be in there long before they acomplished it!
Naps/nap times are non-negotionable here. I tell parents that all children rest from 11:30/12 to 2:30/3. No one has to nap, they can read books quietly if that's what they want to do but I won't wake anyone that falls asleep.

[daycarediva]

I would tell them that the children are not required to sleep, but you ARE required to offer a rest period. You cannot help if they fall asleep, maybe dcg would sleep less if she was getting enough rest at night.... then insert sleep recommendations here.

I stopped writing down sleep times on the kids sheets a while ago. I just checked napped/did not nap.

[daycare]

I would tell them that the children are not required to sleep, but you ARE required to offer a rest period. You cannot help if they fall asleep, maybe dcg would sleep less if she was getting enough rest at night.... then insert sleep recommendations here.

I stopped writing down sleep times on the kids sheets a while ago. I just checked napped/did not nap.

what daily reports do you use?

[renodeb]

According to the "experts" shortening or waking a child up from a nap before the nap is really over is the worst thing you can do. Kids are tired at dc. My dc parents are always surprised if there kids sleep after they reach two years old. I have one that will be 4 in April and he still naps. (here anyways) He is tired. The parents are thrilled! At home he doesn't always sleep then he is tired at 5:00pm.Im sorry your having issues with what was a really good family. I wouldn't change a thing. Do the kids share a room at home?
Deb

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I know what you mean, but I seriously doubt the parents are going to change anything at home. I would just tell her you will wake her early (and don't). When dcg is still acting up in the crib, you can give dcm a nice, big, blank stare ::

This is just what I've done in the past. Say I'm doing it, when I've actually done nothing different other than making sure I get that child up and changed/pottied first every day, and like magic, everything's all better.

I will hold my tongue about suggestions, but be prepared if by the end of next week DCM does say it's no better. I will reiterate that it is clearly a power struggle at home, not something I can solve for her, and give her some pointers, whether she wants them or not.

Yes, it is insane that they watch this go down on the monitor. I'm sure DCG knows they are watching her and is putting on a show. IMO, they are doing everything wrong in this situation, and looking for the easiest solution possible - pawning it off on me. I wish more people would realize that the harder thing to do is always the right thing to do.

Nope, Deb. Kids don't share a room. DCM even said to me that DCB that isn't napping anymore (that's when I do preschool with them) just drops dead from exhaustion around 7:30/8:00 and they want her to do the same.

Thank you, all of you. It really is nice to come on here when I'm in a funk or irritated. Your advice is so appreciated!

[KiddieCahoots]

I know what you mean, but I seriously doubt the parents are going to change anything at home. I would just tell her you will wake her early (and don't). When dcg is still acting up in the crib, you can give dcm a nice, big, blank stare ::

.......I agree.
Sounds like dcp's are in a power struggle at home, don't know what to do, and instead of seeing it as their problem, passing the blame onto anybody but themselves, you just happen to be "in the wrong place at the wrong time", being closely associated with dcb. Typical!
Considering they are taking this route in the first place, especially after they watched all that go on with the monitor without taking control, it's obvious they will continue with this power struggle at home and continue looking for someone else to be the cause of it.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Maybe instead of trying to put her to bed at 7:30/8 like their other child, they could use that extra hour or so to have one on one quality time with her instead. Then put her to bed at 9 and actually enforce bedtime. Why buy a video monitor if all you are going to do is stare at it and do nothing? I bet if she was younger and just fussing, they would run right in and "fix" it, so why does that stop at this age and now it is just a tool to see what she is doing and do nothing about it other than make you deal with it. I would either say I made changes and don't, or be really blunt and say "naptime is my responsibility ad bedtime is your (parents) responsibility." Period.

[SquirrellyMama]

8:30 is not an early bedtime for a 2.5 year old. Yes, I agree that this is a discipline issue, but I wouldn't expect the parents to keep her up until 9pm.

Kelly

[daycarediva]

what daily reports do you use?

something I tweaked from the daycare lady forms website. I print them out (typed in menu/date each day) and then just check the box for what the child did/didn't do and when they pottied.