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I have a dcb 2 1/2 who is testing everything a say lately. If I ask him to clean up, to a no, sit it's a no, use nice words it's a no. Everything is a no. Anyways his sister dcg 4 is here and is making everything 10x worse. If he starts crying because he is made clean up, sit, etc she goes over to him rubs his back and says it's okay buddy. It's driving me foolish because it's not okay what he's been doing. Any advice how to handle this?
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Don't allow it. Tell her you have thins under control and she is not allowed to intervene when you are directing her sibling. She is a child and needs to listen to the adult in charge. I would make sure to tell the parent as well so the older sibling doesn't make it sound like you are prohibiting her from "loving" her brother.....kwim?
Tell her she is to find something else to do and that you don't need help from her.
As for the "No's" the younger sibling is saying, ignore it. Just because he says no, doesn't mean you have to listen. If he refuses to clean up, then he does not play with anything new until he cleans up what you asked him to clean up.
If he says no to anything you tell him to do, ignore it. He says it for shock value and because he senses it bothers you. Take the weight from it and just ignore.
When you say "Clean up" and he says "No" I would say "It wasn't a question buddy. As soon as you clean up, we can move onto xxx activity." Then walk away. Let him decide if he wants to sit and not do anything or if he wants to clean up and move on. His choice.
If necessary, I'd even make sibling go into another room every time she tries to comfort the younger sibling. -
I just termed a sibling pair like this. I made the mistake of not mentioning to the parents what was going on and learned that dcb4 was going home and telling his parents I was being mean to his sister when in reality I was just redirecting and setting boundaries with her. It was so bad that he was preoccupied with her and wouldn't play with the kids his own age. Any time I redirected her, he was right there telling me to stop. I did give an explanation to him similar to what BC said to do. Ultimately, I ended up having to set up separate activities for the younger kids and older kids in separate areas so he didn't have the chance to hover around her. It kept me from repeating over and over that I had it under control when it was clear he just didn't want to give up his job of protecting his sister. I just didn't give him the chance to do it anymore.Comment
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I have a 2 year old that tried telling me No. I tell him 'You are not allowed to tell me No, you need to do what I asked you to do.'Comment
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I don't agree with the stance that a child isn't allowed to tell an adult no.
I think kids should be able to express themselves and have a choice in whether they do something or not.
Of course, there are always consequences to their choices and I don't make a habit of asking them certain things as if their "no" meant they don't have to but I'd be careful using that line as some of the "No touch" and "No tolerance" plans include teaching a child that they have a right to tell and adult no.
I understand what you are saying but I think maybe rephrasing would be better/more productive.
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