What Kind Of Excuses Have You Use To Terminate A Family (Gently!)?

[LovetheSun]

Hello and Happy New Year!

I wrote about a difficult little girl (who makes days so hard and stressful) and her parents who just do not know how to raise her (but are kind of nice...)

I am attached to the little girl and feel like we are the only stability she has but these past two days without her (family is out of town) has been like a dream!! So calm and peaceful.

I am trying to figure out a way to terminate them gently.. this family is friend with other families attending (for years) and I am afraid of drama...

I would love if they just happen to think is their idea to leave.. I know it makes me sound awful but I am scare to just tell them directly that is been too difficult (I believe they will be the kind to be so hurt and bad mouth us afterward).

Anyone has been in similar situation? How did you handle it? Raise the price or suggest a different setting(smaller group or more structured)?

Thank you so much

[Unregistered]

day care mom

Is she part time?

[Michael]

I would tell the parents straight up that the girl is not a good fit for your daycare. Being truthful may be hard to do, but it is the best solution IMO.

[nannyde]

I don't know of a nice way because parents want to break up with you not you break up with them. Also, some believe it is an employee employer relationship and can't grasp being fired by an employee.

If you tell them a reason they will be mad about the reason. If you don't give them a reason they will be mad about not being given a reason. Either way they will be mad.

I have a chapter in my book about the terminated parent. It describes the stages parents go through when terminated. It's a very predictable pattern that mimics Kubler Ross stages of grief.

[daycare]

what Michael said...Be honest..

NEVER LIE..

I would tell the daycare parents in person.

Let them know that DCG is not a good fit for your program, she would do better with a Nanny, smaller setting or etc. Where ever you think she would do better. Let them know their last date of service and even offer to provide the number for your county resource and referral.

example:

Dear Dcm,

Over the course of the past several weeks we have tried very hard to help DCG adjust to care, however, it just seems that she is not the right fit for our program.

I always want what is best for each and every child enrolled here and so it is with a heavy heart that I must terminate our contract for care.

After 01/15/2015, I will no longer be able to provide services for your family. As a parent myself, I know how important it is to find the right fit for your child. To help you in your search for new care, below is the number for our resource and referral dept.

Thank you for your kindness and understanding, I wish you and DCG all the best.

YOur DCP

[Shell]

Guess I'm the odd man out here, but I have given other reasons to avoid conflict. I think about what hours and days a parent needs, and then I give a reason why I can't accommodate it- changing business hours that I know they can't make work (and then actually changing it). I've also been known to over emphasize a side job or continuing education classes, and I just make sure there is no way they can make it work. My latest term I blamed on no longer taking full timers- which is true. I am only taking part timers from now on, but I knew it was a deal breaker since dcm needed full time. I agree, parents don't like being broken up with. But, I don't like conflict, so I just leave it with an excuse that can't be argued, negotiated, etc. That's my advice: think about what would be a deal breaker for them (closing early, only a few days a week, whatever it is) and come up with a good and logical reason why you can't provide it anymore. IMO, sometimes being truthful leads to a parent trying to negotiate, get you to feel bad for them, apologize- I try to avoid all that.

[NightOwl]

I have a similar situation. I have a current child who is getting a sibling soon. This child has been here almost 2 years. I'm full however and need to make room for new baby.

The one I'm considering terming is a royal pain every single day. He was here 10 minutes this morning and was already in time out for hitting another dck with a toy hammer. Parents are great, but he is just too much some days.

So I need to come up with a gentle way to let him go. I've never had to term where I had to formulate a reason for the term. I don't want to put it on the new baby because I don't want to cause any animosity between the families.

I hope I'm not hijacking. I was going to start a new thread, but our questions are so similar!

[Laurel]

Hello and Happy New Year!

I wrote about a difficult little girl (who makes days so hard and stressful) and her parents who just do not know how to raise her (but are kind of nice...)

I am attached to the little girl and feel like we are the only stability she has but these past two days without her (family is out of town) has been like a dream!! So calm and peaceful.

I am trying to figure out a way to terminate them gently.. this family is friend with other families attending (for years) and I am afraid of drama...

I would love if they just happen to think is their idea to leave.. I know it makes me sound awful but I am scare to just tell them directly that is been too difficult (I believe they will be the kind to be so hurt and bad mouth us afterward).

Anyone has been in similar situation? How did you handle it? Raise the price or suggest a different setting(smaller group or more structured)?

Thank you so much

How about "I have decided to reduce the number of children I watch."

Then later when the other families know you have filled the spot (if they notice at all; I've had some that wouldn't have) just say "It was a business decision." Big smile. Repeat as needed. Most probably the friends of this family that you have already know the child is difficult. How could they not? They might be as relieved as you are to not have this child around theirs every day.

Laurel

[Givingthemgrace]

I think if you are going to be honest, that she doesn't get along well with the group, there should at least be some warnings for the parents so it doesn't come out of nowhere. Like a few "she had a hard day" reports.

[Annalee]

I never terminate to accommodate a sibling.....I guess I have been blessed that my clients either start paying early or wait till I have the next opening....I have only terminated 3 times in 22 years and neither was necessarily easy but I sure was glad when I followed through...Twice was because of the parents not working with me on issues I felt were necessary and once because I felt the child needed one on one care which was really a parent issue.

[NightOwl]

I never terminate to accommodate a sibling.....I guess I have been blessed that my clients either start paying early or wait till I have the next opening....I have only terminated 3 times in 22 years and neither was necessarily easy but I sure was glad when I followed through...Twice was because of the parents not working with me on issues I felt were necessary and once because I felt the child needed one on one care which was really a parent issue.

It's really not fair to the family of the child I'm considering the term for. They're nice people. I have issues with him because he's been here 10 months and STILL defies me and STILL hits several times per week. He's old enough and has been here long enough to know better. If I let anyone go, it would definitely be him. I think his behavior would be enough of a reason, but the new sibling is also a big factor. Sigh.... Idk what to do.

[daycare]

sorry call me the odd man out here, but why make excuses?

You are not helping anyone here if you just make an excuse. The child may really have a problem and need professional help. But without knowing what is really going on with your child, you won't know how to help them.

[Annalee]

It's really not fair to the family of the child I'm considering the term for. They're nice people. I have issues with him because he's been here 10 months and STILL defies me and STILL hits several times per week. He's old enough and has been here long enough to know better. If I let anyone go, it would definitely be him. I think his behavior would be enough of a reason, but the new sibling is also a big factor. Sigh.... Idk what to do.

Only you have the answer...each child care program is unique and you have to do what is best for you!

[Play Care]

Just a word of warning. I had a client who was expecting and I had to let two older SA boys because they were too big and crazy for my dc. I used the baby coming as part of the excuse and it really backfired. Because they were going baby or not...

I wish I just would have stuck with the fact they had outgrown my care which is geared towards toddlers and preschoolers.

Bottom line I do think a semi-truthful version of the truth is the best way to go.

[Ariana]

My go to is "I am just feeling too overwhelmed with the number of children I currently have. I am so sorry, your children/family is wonderful and I wish it could have worked out".