Sneaking Underwear In

[Blackcat31]

They showed up at normal time today, she was in a rush to get out the door. They did bring diapers! I have taken her to the potty a few times but it is a hit and miss. I really don't think she is ready to start. I think the only reason she is using the potty is because we are catching her right before she has to go. The reasoning was dad was in meetings all day and mom was on off site. It could be true but unlikely. I don't know if I'm going to term or not. The child is my youngest best friend. He was really struggling for the 2 weeks she was gone. So I'm having a hard time deciding. The parents forgot the check again so that's just more salt in the wound.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but they are walking all over you and you are letting them,

REGARDLESS of whether mom was in a meeting all day or not is NO excuse to be unreachable.

Being in a hurry at drop off and pick up is NO excuse to simply disregard your policies and not discuss yesterday's incident with you.

NOT paying you is another way to manipulate you into being at THEIR disposal. If you are concerned about your son losing his best friend, then I would cave and just let this family do as they please for free because that is basically what they are doing right now.

I'm sorry they are treating you so poorly and I'm sorry you are allowing it so in my honest opinion the blame falls on everyone here.

Some things in my program are simply non-negotiable and the underwear thing and the being unreachable is two examples of those non-negotiable things. We all have to decide what we are and aren't wiling to put up with and if something is non-negotiable for you, you HAVE to enforce it or what's the point? Venting about something you aren't willing to change is not fair to those who are offering suggestions and advice.

Like I said....I am NOT trying to be harsh or hurtful and I'm sorry if it comes across like that but its disheartening for me to read so many vents from providers about things THEY have the power to control...but are often afraid or unwilling to do so.

[TheGoodLife]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but they are walking all over you and you are letting them,

REGARDLESS of whether mom was in a meeting all day or not is NO excuse to be unreachable.

Being in a hurry at drop off and pick up is NO excuse to simply disregard your policies and not discuss yesterday's incident with you.

NOT paying you is another way to manipulate you into being at THEIR disposal. If you are concerned about your son losing his best friend, then I would cave and just let this family do as they please for free because that is basically what they are doing right now.

I'm sorry they are treating you so poorly and I'm sorry you are allowing it so in my honest opinion the blame falls on everyone here.

Some things in my program are simply non-negotiable and the underwear thing and the being unreachable is two examples of those non-negotiable things. We all have to decide what we are and aren't wiling to put up with and if something is non-negotiable for you, you HAVE to enforce it or what's the point? Venting about something you aren't willing to change is not fair to those who are offering suggestions and advice.

Like I said....I am NOT trying to be harsh or hurtful and I'm sorry if it comes across like that but its disheartening for me to read so many vents from providers about things THEY have the power to control...but are often afraid or unwilling to do so.

I agree- you are providing free care, AND to a disrespectful family I would contact mom today and tell her you need your payment at pick up, with 2 days (or whatever it is) of late fees or no care will be given.

[mountainside13]

I mean this in the nicest possible way but they are walking all over you and you are letting them,

REGARDLESS of whether mom was in a meeting all day or not is NO excuse to be unreachable.

Being in a hurry at drop off and pick up is NO excuse to simply disregard your policies and not discuss yesterday's incident with you.

NOT paying you is another way to manipulate you into being at THEIR disposal. If you are concerned about your son losing his best friend, then I would cave and just let this family do as they please for free because that is basically what they are doing right now.

I'm sorry they are treating you so poorly and I'm sorry you are allowing it so in my honest opinion the blame falls on everyone here.

Some things in my program are simply non-negotiable and the underwear thing and the being unreachable is two examples of those non-negotiable things. We all have to decide what we are and aren't wiling to put up with and if something is non-negotiable for you, you HAVE to enforce it or what's the point? Venting about something you aren't willing to change is not fair to those who are offering suggestions and advice.

Like I said....I am NOT trying to be harsh or hurtful and I'm sorry if it comes across like that but its disheartening for me to read so many vents from providers about things THEY have the power to control...but are often afraid or unwilling to do so.

You are completely right! I needed straight forward! They are walking all over me, they know it and I am letting it happen. I am getting better at standing up for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have told them no more underwear, I would have just dealt with it. Taking awhile but I'm getting there.

[daycare]

my daughter lost a friend because the mother of the friend was a not a good person. It's unfortunate for my daughter that she had to experience this, but I could not allow for my daughter to continue a friendship that was lead by an adult that was just not nice or responsible at all.

your children may be too small to experience this now, but what about in years to come. Are they still going to be friends???

If they are still friends are you ever going to be on the same page as the best friends mom? Probably not. so just let it go now.

Your child will be ok....

[Luna]

I can't imagine why you are having a hard time deciding. You know they don't care about your potty training policies, you know they don't care that you can't reach them in an emergency, you know they don't care that you now have to deal with urine on your furniture and carpet, and you know they don't even care that you don't get paid on time. What more do you need? It's too bad your child will miss his friend, I agree. But really, what else would they have to do to help you decide? How badly do they have to treat you?
I promise it will only get worse, because now they know there are no consequences for anything. I'm so angry for you.

[Blackcat31]

You are completely right! I needed straight forward! They are walking all over me, they know it and I am letting it happen. I am getting better at standing up for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have told them no more underwear, I would have just dealt with it. Taking awhile but I'm getting there.

:hug: It IS hard but look at it this way, YOU are setting an example for YOUR child by speaking up and being direct about what you will and won't tolerate.

That's a skill ALL children need. Especially in today's world. ANY time a situation calls for directness, just take a deep breath, imagine your child is watching and THIS moment is the only lesson they are going to receive about standing up for their rights/wants/wishes etc....WHAT actions do you want your child to witness?

THAT ^^^ makes it easy to do...because we can all do that for our own children. Do NOT let others (DCF's, other providers or anyone else for that matter) tell you what you do or don't have to put up with in YOUR life.

YOU have the power to make so many things happen or not happen. It really does begin with YOU.

Now take that POWER and use it to make yourself happy....in your personal AND professional life and don't apologize for it.

Everyone deals. We can't change others....only our own actions and choices and that is a gift we ALL have but VERY few use.

[AuntTami]

You are completely right! I needed straight forward! They are walking all over me, they know it and I am letting it happen. I am getting better at standing up for myself. A year ago I wouldn't have told them no more underwear, I would have just dealt with it. Taking awhile but I'm getting there.

A few months ago I had a child that fell and cut her lip open. Dad was unreachable, and grandma(the emergency contact) wasn't able to come right away. Fortunately I only had her at the time so I took her to the hospital. Where we waited for over FOUR HOURS with a bleeding crying 2 year old before her dad even got to the hospital! Grandma came 2 1/2 hours after I called her but the hospital wouldn't touch DCG until dad got there- at his normal pick up time!!!! I was IRATE! and I ended up terming. There's absolutely no excuse for no one to be reachable. I am lax on a lot of my policies but after that incident I require mom and dads personal and work numbers and THREE LOCAL emergency contacts. If mom or dad isn't here in 20 minutes I call the next on the list until I find someone who can come get the kid IMMEDIATELY. It's your program. Put your foot DOWN! What if it had been an emergency?! Nope no way. Termed on the spot they would have been

[mountainside13]

:hug: It IS hard but look at it this way, YOU are setting an example for YOUR child by speaking up and being direct about what you will and won't tolerate.

That's a skill ALL children need. Especially in today's world. ANY time a situation calls for directness, just take a deep breath, imagine your child is watching and THIS moment is the only lesson they are going to receive about standing up for their rights/wants/wishes etc....WHAT actions do you want your child to witness?

THAT ^^^ makes it easy to do...because we can all do that for our own children. Do NOT let others (DCF's, other providers or anyone else for that matter) tell you what you do or don't have to put up with in YOUR life.

YOU have the power to make so many things happen or not happen. It really does begin with YOU.

Now take that POWER and use it to make yourself happy....in your personal AND professional life and don't apologize for it.

Everyone deals. We can't change others....only our own actions and choices and that is a gift we ALL have but VERY few use.

You are such a great motivator! I got some texts from the dad earlier that made my decision a lot easier. I printed out my termination letter and giving it to them at pick up.

[TheGoodLife]

Curious what the DCD text you!

[Josiegirl]

You are such a great motivator! I got some texts from the dad earlier that made my decision a lot easier. I printed out my termination letter and giving it to them at pick up.

Good for you!!

[NeedaVaca]

Curious what the DCD text you!

Me too!

[mountainside13]

That his cash was at home and if he had to go get it then he would be 30 minutes late. I said fine. He texted and said that he was getting off work late and that he will just come pick up the child and pay tomorrow. I said no, he can run home and go get it. He complained that he had to go out of his way. I made a snappy comment and said he wouldn't have to do this if it was paid when it was due yesterday. He got here clearly ticked and handed me a hand written termination notice. I agreed and took my term notice out of her diaper bag, said guess I won't need this. Not quiet what I planned but it's over either way.

[Ariana]

Great thread and great advice from all! Good for you for standing up and giving them the boot . I term face to face, no letters. You will get there

[hope]

That his cash was at home and if he had to go get it then he would be 30 minutes late. I said fine. He texted and said that he was getting off work late and that he will just come pick up the child and pay tomorrow. I said no, he can run home and go get it. He complained that he had to go out of his way. I made a snappy comment and said he wouldn't have to do this if it was paid when it was due yesterday. He got here clearly ticked and handed me a hand written termination notice. I agreed and took my term notice out of her diaper bag, said guess I won't need this. Not quiet what I planned but it's over either way.

Did he at least pay? Or did her come ticked without pay?

[Shell]

That his cash was at home and if he had to go get it then he would be 30 minutes late. I said fine. He texted and said that he was getting off work late and that he will just come pick up the child and pay tomorrow. I said no, he can run home and go get it. He complained that he had to go out of his way. I made a snappy comment and said he wouldn't have to do this if it was paid when it was due yesterday. He got here clearly ticked and handed me a hand written termination notice. I agreed and took my term notice out of her diaper bag, said guess I won't need this. Not quiet what I planned but it's over either way.

what nerve! Does he honestly think the next provider is going to take this crap?! Guess he'd better keep his pen handy- he's going to be hand writing lots of term letters if this is the way he behaves. What's with all these parents lately?!