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How would you feel if a very good friend who you had hired to be an assistant in your family childcare wanted to start who own business up the street from you? Also applied for license before letting you know?
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I would be hurt as a friend because she didn't tell me that she had applied for a license but in ONLY because "as a friend" she kind of owed that to you.
However, as a child care provider in business, I don't care if someone opens a child care next door to me. I don't view anyone as competition. In home family child care's are as unique and individual as snowflakes and no two are the same.
I would be upset only because now I have to go through the entire hiring process again to find an assistant..... when this one "knew" she wouldn't be staying.Comment
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Thank you for validating my feelings. I have let her and the friendship go. I have asked friends and family how they would feel but I wanted to get other providers opinions. I felt completely used. I had employed her for over 3 years I was very good to her. And of course she would tell my clients she was starting her own day care! She wanted me to help her. She considered me not a true friend because I wouldnt show her my contract, give her referrals, help,her set up her home etc. If she was in a different community I would have no problem at all. I have helped another friend from another community. But right up the street!!! And working for me!! I would never put a friend in that kind of a position. I told her my feelings but they were ignored.
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Welcome to the forum by the way! Nice to see some new members!!
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I wouldn't mind her starting a new childcare, even if it were up the street. I would not share my personal stuff with her-I worked hard to develop it, and that's something she should do for herself. If I felt she were capable, I wouldn't have a problem with sending referrals her way, either. I get way more calls than I have space for.
Trying to steal your clients is another story. That would be enough for me to end the friendship.Comment
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I understand every program is unique. I have many friends who are providers. But when you are working with me and want me to help and give your referrals there is no uniqueness there. If you are using my contact, setting up your room like mine, using my clients for referrals I feel that is using me.Comment
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Thank you for replying and thank you for welcoming me to the forum!!!Comment
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I would be mad and hurt too. I started working at my sister's home daycare and after some time, opened my own home daycare. But I told her that I since I was pregnant, I wanted to stay at my home with the baby and was thinking about opening my own daycare. We lived in completely different neighborhoods with enough driving time between us that we weren't technically competition for each other. She had no problem with it and she helped me with some things regarding setting up and opening my own home daycare.
But, in your case, your friend didn't tell you that she was going to open her own business and started doing so behind your back. And she is close enough to be your competition. Yeah, I'd be mad as anything at her! I'm sorry she did that. I think that if she had just told you ahead of time that she was thinking about opening her own daycare, you'd probably feel differently. But the way she did it, would make me feel like she planned this for a while and used working at your daycare to get inside information and ideas. And the fact that she obviously tried to get your clients to leave you and go to her daycare!
WOW!, just WOW! Unbelievable!
I had been friends with a daycare lady down the road from me for years. A few months ago, I realized that she has started only calling me to find out the new things and changes that I was making here at my daycare. She'd call, immediately ask if I had bought any new items, or started doing anything new or different. As soon as I would tell her about improvements I had made lately, she'd immediately get off the phone. Within 2 weeks, she would advertise that her daycare now does/has whatever I had just told her I had changed about my daycare!
After a few times of that, I decided that our 'friendship' had run it's course and now she was using that 'friendship' just to copy my daycare ideas and I decided to cut ties with her. It was very upsetting to me at first, but after a while, I got used to not having her as a friend.
So, I definitely know how you feel and I'm sorry you are going through that.Comment
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I'm sorry that you are hurt. But let me tell you how I started out in childcare. I did not want to leave my secure job, where I'd worked for over a decade. But I did want to do child care So I convinced my sister, who lives on my block, to do it instead :
: Then a year or two later, I decided to take the leap. She showed me her policy and paperwork, at her house, not for me to keep but only to get ideas of what to include. Then I made up my own stuff.
A year or so later another neighbor on the block, who had substituted for both of us, decided to do child care too! She looked at my sister's stuff and at mine, and had worked in both of our settings.
The three of us all ran successful, and similar child care homes, but with significant 'personality' differences. One was much stricter and 'old-school' with discipline techniques, one was very permissive and one was middle-of-the-road. One used only her basement for care, one used her whole home, and one used one entire floor of her home. (There were other differences too, but those were noticeable.)
We had lots of fun getting together, taking field trips, going to the park, over the next fifteen years or so. Then another provider (on the same block!) joined us. We all got along so well. We had an automatic support system, automatic back-up care (to varying abilities) and always sent our overflow phone calls to the people we knew well enough to refer
It was fantastic I still miss that. (Everyone else had the sense to get out, except for me ::
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I hope that you will be able to move past your hurt, and maybe even embrace the change. It's possible that it could even work out to your benefit
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I guess I just feel as if I have worked so hard for so many years doing this job. There have been many sacrifices made. She has said to me many times "this is just babysitting" anyone can do this. I have a degree and take pride in my work. I don't like the idea of someone just thinking they can just take all my business ideas, rates, referrals that would otherwise go to me etc. it has taken me years to build my reputation. If I had a friend in a jewelry business or a pizza shop I would never have the nerve to say "guess what? I'm going to do the same business up the street! " I personally could never do that to a friend. Where is your originality?Comment
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I do appreciate you showing me how to look at it in another way though. I guess friends and business do not mix.
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Definitely a business relationship....when I turned in my 2 week notice at a center years ago, the director refused to let me work it because she was afraid kids would follow me....clients will make their own decisions about where their kids will stay and, oddly enough, several found me and thought I chose not to give notice at the center.....persons can be so cruel, but, in the end, IT IS a business relationship.....mom is my assistant but if she ever retires, I drop my ratio and work alone. I am a work-alone, be my own boss person because I like to run things......control is a better word::
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Anything that you have, that she does not, will show. Smart parents get a good feel for the person and the child care during interviews. Hopefully she didn't steal your personality :: 
because then you'd be in trouble.
The hard work you've put in shows in your program, and in your kids, and in your clients. I think you will be fine. Stay confident
As to the friends and business, I would say it's "some" friends
This one knows you, and clearly must have violated a boundary that it seems likely that she knew was there. I'd stay open to the friendship being okay, but from how you feel, it seems like you must have reason to be wary.
From what you've said, it sounds to me it's the 'not letting you know' part that is troubling. That would probably trouble me too - none of our group asked permission of the others, but we certainly brought it up in conversation! (Before it happened!)Comment
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Yes analee the problem is you need to work with someone you can depend upon and trust. Which is usually family and friends. I also have my mom with me but after she leaves I'm going to 6. I don't like to feel as if I have to entertain someone anyways. I like to run my own show. I have found out the hard way friends take advantage and it is more aggravation then it is worth depending on anyone else in this businessComment
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