Help Me With This One!

[logged out for privacy]

I have a 2.5 year old who I'd really like to work with on becoming more independent. What sorts of things do you do/say to encourage this behavior? This child has a very hard time taking initiative, but is otherwise on track developmentally.

For example...
-- If there are five snacks on the snack table, all of the kids go and choose a spot and begin eating. He will stand and ask me, "Is this my spot? Is this my spot?" and will not sit down and choose a spot, regardless of me saying, "Pick a spot, please!"
-- If the other kids his age are involved in an activity, he will come to ME and ask if he can play. He usually asks this about going in the play firehouse. "Can I go in?" on repeat. I have been trying to tell him to ask his friends if he can play or have a turn.
-- I gave all of the kids a bunch of a certain kind of toy to play with. There were a TON of these toys all spread out over the room, most of them not in use. He comes up to me and asks "Where is mine? Where is mine?" even though there were plenty unused all around.
-- If I call a child to come do something, he will repeat himself and ask "Am I doing that too?" and sometimes just comes with anyways even though I am clear about the child's name who I have called. I think he feels like everything I say is about him. Or everything I say is directed to him.

In other ways... the child repeats whatever the other kids are saying when they play. If one child says "Wow, my car is going fast!" he will repeat those exact same words. This will go on and on. He is VERY verbal, but he's not making up his own games. If he's not repeating another child, he's playing something passively, and when he's playing he is constantly telling me "I am driving a car! I am looking at a book!". He wants my input all the time.

Also, I know that there is NO TV at home for this child, but I think he may be very entertained by parents. He is also carried into the daycare every day. He does not do things for himself like push up his sleeves, pull up his pants, or dress himself -- I have been working with him to try, but he will stand there looking like he has no clue where to start and will wait for the longest time, not trying at all, and waiting for me to do it for him.

[daycare]

I have 3 of these kids...... it is a tad frustrating, but just remember each child learns at their own pace in their own way.

I have little name cards that we set down on the table for meal time. the seats are the same for the week. This way they know where to sit. We ask the older kids to help the little kids that can't read their name yet.

JOhnny, this is your name, you get to sit here today. See your name J-O-H-N-N-Y, spell it with him and help him sit. Do it all on monday and drop back as the week goes on until he can do it on his own.

As for the playing, I always just say go play. Mine does the same thing, me too, how about me, can I do this, can I do that. It used to bother me, but kids often get confused on what the boundaries and expectations are at here and at home, especially being so young.

[jenboo]

I have a 2.5 year old who I'd really like to work with on becoming more independent. What sorts of things do you do/say to encourage this behavior? This child has a very hard time taking initiative, but is otherwise on track developmentally.

For example...
-- If there are five snacks on the snack table, all of the kids go and choose a spot and begin eating. He will stand and ask me, "Is this my spot? Is this my spot?" and will not sit down and choose a spot, regardless of me saying, "Pick a spot, please!" I would keep saying pick a spot and remind him that he better hurry because snack is almost over. if he never picks a spot, then he missed snack.
-- If the other kids his age are involved in an activity, he will come to ME and ask if he can play. He usually asks this about going in the play firehouse. "Can I go in?" on repeat. I have been trying to tell him to ask his friends if he can play or have a turn. "I don't know, go ask your friends". rinse and repeat. The first few times I would walk him over and tell him what to say. After that, he is on his own. if he chooses to just stand their all of play time so be it.
-- I gave all of the kids a bunch of a certain kind of toy to play with. There were a TON of these toys all spread out over the room, most of them not in use. He comes up to me and asks "Where is mine? Where is mine?" even though there were plenty unused all around. I dont know. go find one" rinse and repeat.
-- If I call a child to come do something, he will repeat himself and ask "Am I doing that too?" "i don't know. are you?" and sometimes just comes with anyways even though I am clear about the child's name who I have called. I think he feels like everything I say is about him. Or everything I say is directed to him.

In other ways... the child repeats whatever the other kids are saying when they play. If one child says "Wow, my car is going fast!" he will repeat those exact same words. This will go on and on. He is VERY verbal, but he's not making up his own games. If he's not repeating another child, he's playing something passively, and when he's playing he is constantly telling me "I am driving a car! I am looking at a book!". He wants my input all the time. No suggestions for this one.

Also, I know that there is NO TV at home for this child, but I think he may be very entertained by parents. He is also carried into the daycare every day. He does not do things for himself like push up his sleeves, pull up his pants, or dress himself -- I have been working with him to try, but he will stand there looking like he has no clue where to start and will wait for the longest time, not trying at all, and waiting for me to do it for him. I would model for him a few times and walk him through the steps and then after a couple weeks stop helping completely.

I am a very tough love type of person. I know others would disagree with my approach but it works well for me and my dck. I have had three kids who came into care not doing anything for themselves. One was 2.5 yrs old. I helped him take his shoes off for a few weeks...walking him through the whole process. After a few weeks then he had to do it by himself. I knew he could but he wanted me to do it. He would sit for 30 minutes until he would finally do it himself. Of course that 30 minutes was when we were doing super cool activities. A couple days later he got tired of missing out and would take his shoes off himself right away. Sometimes kids just need a cold turkey approach for them to finally do stuff themselves.

[craftymissbeth]

I am a very tough love type of person. I know others would disagree with my approach but it works well for me and my dck. I have had three kids who came into care not doing anything for themselves. One was 2.5 yrs old. I helped him take his shoes off for a few weeks...walking him through the whole process. After a few weeks then he had to do it by himself. I knew he could but he wanted me to do it. He would sit for 30 minutes until he would finally do it himself. Of course that 30 minutes was when we were doing super cool activities. A couple days later he got tired of missing out and would take his shoes off himself right away. Sometimes kids just need a cold turkey approach for them to finally do stuff themselves.

I agree with jenboo's approach. It's good for them to learn that these are decisions that he needs to make rather than his adults making them for him.

[Shell]

I agree with jenboo's approach. It's good for them to learn that these are decisions that he needs to make rather than his adults making them for him.

I had this child- very entertained by adults...constantly. Took time, and the tough love approach. The child does great now, just stick with it, as the child is just waiting for an adult to do everything for them (like what happens at home).

[midaycare]

I'm tough love too, but the kids seem to appreciate it.

The week a dck starts, I'm very hands off and let them figure a lot out for themself. Within reason, of course.

[KDC]

Could you partner him up? I know a lot of my older kids would love to be a 'special helper' to help him find his way? Just an idea... 1 person helping him could change the dynamic of the group where they're all kinder and more willing to help. Positive praise when he does a good job.