Advice on Not Staying In Touch?

[therov]

I'm closing soon and I have a family that is eager to actively stay in touch afterward. I very much want a clean break since a) I'm done, b) the parent seems to have problems adjusting to change in general and has been EXTREMELY anxious about moving on, and c) my kids are much older than the daycare child.

Any advice on how to politely set out that this is it, without being too harsh about it? I just want to be done with it all and don't want some sort of passive aggressive I-didn't-see-your-message stuff dragging on and on.

Thanks.

[Crazy8]

I have never had to say anything, lives get busy, everyone gets used to the change and even the ones I would have liked to stay in touch with we just exchange xmas cards. I really wouldn't worry about it too much and I probably wouldn't outright say anything about it.

[racemom]

I have never had to say anything, lives get busy, everyone gets used to the change and even the ones I would have liked to stay in touch with we just exchange xmas cards. I really wouldn't worry about it too much and I probably wouldn't outright say anything about it.

This! Everyone thinks they want to stay in touch, but rarely do. It's like people you work with, when someone quits there are always plans to get together but rarely happens. I think because besides work or daycare you have little in common.

[craftymissbeth]

I agree with PP's. They're probably just trying to be nice and when the time comes life will get in the way and they'll move on.

[Heidi]

Ditto the PP's.

I have dcp's that left on good terms (such as a move to CA) on my FB. They even came to have dinner with us when they visited last summer. Our family just LOVES their family, though, and we have older kids that were BF's and keep in touch somewhat.

Other parents, I've just quietly "unfriended", and only rarely hear updates through the grapevine. They are almost never GOOD updates...

[therov]

I wish it would be that easy. If I thought it would be, I wouldn't have asked for advice. This family is the clingiest that I've dealt with in five years, and she has asked for off-topic advice from me from time time to time. While I try to be polite, I can imagine numerous emails and texts in the weeks to come. So in case someone out there has some magic words to help ease the transition...

[SignMeUp]

I can't think of any polite way to say "I don't want to stay in touch". And maybe you'll consider this passive-aggressive (and maybe it is), but here's what I'd do:
Phase One: Respond two days later. Don't answer any direct questions, just say "Hope you are all doing well". Don't say things that aren't true, like "It's so nice to hear from you".
Phase Two: Respond a week or more later. Don't answer questions, just say, "My life is just so crazy busy". (Just pretend you're a daycare parent :
Phase Three: Hopefully there isn't a response because she is not getting help/advice/counseling from you and she will likely seek it from someone more responsive to her 'needs'. But if there is a phase three, this is when I would stop answering. Alternatively, at Phase Three you could say, "Sorry, I'm just so busy. I just can't keep up with this correspondence." Or, you know, whatever words work for you ::

That's the best I've got. I don't think there is any magic, but I wish there was

[TheGoodLife]

I can't think of any polite way to say "I don't want to stay in touch". And maybe you'll consider this passive-aggressive (and maybe it is), but here's what I'd do:
Phase One: Respond two days later. Don't answer any direct questions, just say "Hope you are all doing well". Don't say things that aren't true, like "It's so nice to hear from you".
Phase Two: Respond a week or more later. Don't answer questions, just say, "My life is just so crazy busy". (Just pretend you're a daycare parent :
Phase Three: Hopefully there isn't a response because she is not getting help/advice/counseling from you and she will likely seek it from someone more responsive to her 'needs'. But if there is a phase three, this is when I would stop answering.

That's the best I've got. I don't think there is any magic, but I wish there was

[rosieteddy]

What about just saying "It was great getting to know you and your family.Iknow how busy we all will be with our own families,I look forward to exchanging Christmas cards for years to come". What about something like that?

[daycare]

I wouldnt say anything and then just ignore most of their responses.. maybe I am just mean....

[e.j.]

I agree with everyone else when they say any communication would probably naturally just drop off eventually.

If it were me and I felt the way you do, I guess I would just be honest about how I felt. "Ann, I feel terrible saying this and hope you won't take it personally but I really feel the need to make a clean break from child care. As much as I've loved getting to know you and dcb, I feel the need to move on. I hope you understand." They're not magic words but she'll probably be hurt no matter what words you use. At least she'll know where she stands and can move on, too.

[KidGrind]

I wish it would be that easy. If I thought it would be, I wouldn't have asked for advice. This family is the clingiest that I've dealt with in five years, and she has asked for off-topic advice from me from time time to time. While I try to be polite, I can imagine numerous emails and texts in the weeks to come. So in case someone out there has some magic words to help ease the transition...

You hold the power. You can tell her, “Hey Jane it’s been great. But I am closing for a reason. I am hoping for a clean break.”

or

When she texts you keep it short.
When she calls you ignore it or answer and keep it short.
She sounds like she needs attention. So the less you give the sooner she’ll move on.

Good luck!

[Controlled Chaos]

I agree with easing into the distance you want.
At first maybe let 24 hours go before answering a text. If she calls just respond via text or email.

Then make is 2 days before responding, then 3 etc. And keep with the "I am so busy!" line and keep it cheerful and vague.

It will take a bit of "re training" but treat it like sleep training Consistently longer times before responding to her cries and she will learn to self soothe :: Or she will find a new person to pat her back.

Good luck!

[Solandia]

It will fade away,i promise! The mom will find a new "expert opinion" and ask for favors from new people who are more easily accessible. I still get a random call from my ex dcp like that...but that is because our paths cross at community events, volunteer stuff, and the occasional school event.

The first month or so there were a lot of calls, honestly. But I didn't mind so much, And contact fell away pretty quickly. You just never know what kind of contact you will have in the future, or what circumstances. I would rather have a bit of a transition now, than hurting someone unintentionally. Sometimes the parent-provider relationship was more of a mentoring relationship. It happpens, and a messier "break up".

[nannyde]

I agree with easing into the distance you want.
At first maybe let 24 hours go before answering a text. If she calls just respond via text or email.

Then make is 2 days before responding, then 3 etc. And keep with the "I am so busy!" line and keep it cheerful and vague.

It will take a bit of "re training" but treat it like sleep training Consistently longer times before responding to her cries and she will learn to self soothe :: Or she will find a new person to pat her back.

Good luck!

::

Self soothe!

Tell her whatever you have to to get thru the last days and then just stop answering her.

She will find another person to latch onto soon enough.