I Need Advice on Preparing to Move

[permanentvacation]

I'm 43 years old and in 17 months, want to move out of town. This would be the very first time I move with no one helping me. I am scared to death!

I have honestly been living financially off of my ex-husband for years. Daycare income fluctuates. I seem to average $300/week. I can barely afford my bills. My ex-husband pays my rent and I often get extra money from him for groceries, gasoline, and occasionally have to get him to pay a bill or two for me. I don't know how in the world I expect to be able to move!

But I can't stand the area I live in and really want to move to a better area when my daughter graduates high school. I would like to move to the area my older daughter lives in (where she goes to college). It's a mid to upper class area, people are more respectful to each other, more neighborly, the children have more respect and manners, the area is cleaner, people speak properly, etc. Where I live now, honestly scares me! I literally witnessed a gang of teenagers yelling at a man in a parked truck. Then the man opened his truck door, pulled out a machete and started chasing the teenagers with it! There have been a handful of people who have been shot in my neighborhood. There's a lot of drug and gang activity here. My daughter and I don't socialize in my neighborhood, so we should be left alone and stay safe enough. But, this is definitely not where I want to live for too long. My ex refuses to help us move, and I'm completely broke, so I have to stay here for now. I am hoping to be able to move once my daughter graduates high school.

My problems are:

I don't know how much money I should set as a goal to have to be financially ready to move.

I have credit issues and items in collections as well. I don't know if I should work on saving money to move or work on paying off my debt.

I don't know if and when I should try to establish employment in the area I want to move to. It's about an hour away, and it is common for people to drive an hour to work. But the money I would spend on gasoline, I could save towards moving.

My thoughts and things I have looked into:

I have thought about getting a weekend job in the area I want to move to so I could establish employment there and get to know the area (jobs, housing, etc.) but would only be spending gas money 2 days/week driving there instead of 5 days (for a full-time job there).

I have looked around at apartments in the area I want to move to. The typical apartment will be about $1,000 to 1,200/month.

I have spoken with a couple of licensed home daycare providers there and they say there is a real need for daycare providers. So, if and when I get a house that I could do daycare in, I can get back into my true profession.

I just don't have a clue as to how to go about preparing to move to a new town. I know it's pathetic that I am 43 years old and am scared to death and clueless about this. But every time I've moved, it was when I was a kid and my parents did everything to move, my boyfriend (now ex-husband) got us an apartment to move in together, when we were married, I just found a house I liked and told my husband to 'get me that one', and after getting divorced, my ex has done everything to move me (except I did make the calls to turn the utilities in my name). Honestly, my ex has completely taken care of me moving since I was 18 years old. I have no clue how to prepare (financially and job wise) to move!

Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

[permanentvacation]

I know it's a simple concept of lower your expenses, raise your income, and save as much as possible. But I don't know how much money I should need or when to to what.

[Baby Beluga]

Firstly, don’t feel bad. Everyone has to start somewhere.

As far as how much to save; I think only you can answer that question. Since it sounds like you are temporarily switching jobs and not doing DC I would recommend 6 months of bills/living expenses plus, any additional money you would need for moving expenses, deposit, etc before moving but I know that isn’t always possible.

I think before you look for a part time job in the new area you may want to try a part time job in your area first. That way you can save money without spending as much on gas and wear and tear on your car. Then maybe 6 months prior to your move date you can look for a part time job in your new area.

[permanentvacation]

Another reason to want to move...

My 16 year old daughter (who drives her own truck) came in after school today and the first words out of her mouth were, "I think this man just tried to kidnap me!". She went to Rite Aid before coming home from school. She said a man walked into the store right after she did. He followed her around the store and as she walked out of the store, he followed her out and told her "Come on with me, let's go."

Of course she got right into her truck and came straight home. I asked her if she called the police from the store. She said she did not. She said she's just fine and doesn't see a reason to call the police. I told her that if a man is trying that if he's trying to get an older teenager to go with him, he might also try to get younger kids to go with him. And younger kids might not think fast enough to get away from him. I told her that she should report it to the police to hopefully keep other kids safe from this man. So I called the police and am waiting for them to come to my house so I can file a report.

[permanentvacation]

Baby Beluga,

Thank you. I have never had to save for anything in my life. I have never had to pre-plan and prepare for something that I wanted. I really don't know how to prepare and save for something.

[craftymissbeth]

Baby Beluga,

Thank you. I have never had to save for anything in my life. I have never had to pre-plan and prepare for something that I wanted. I really don't know how to prepare and save for something.

I'll be following this thread for ideas of my own... I'm in a similar situation. I won't get into my situation because I don't want to thread jack, but I definitely understand how overwhelming it is wanting so desperately to get on your feet and take responsibility for everything financially and just not being able to or knowing where to start.

[Margarete]

First thing you need to do is see where you are at now. Learn to budget and learn to plan. A good first step is just start tracking everything you spend money on into categories, and you can build your budget from there. You may find areas you can cut back on to start saving. Only you can determine what categories are a priority and what you feel you can live without, for something else you would like more.... moving in this case.

Plan on some unexpected expenses (also annual bills)... they happen... if you expect them you won't get discouraged by what looks like set backs.

Also, bad or good things can happen anywhere, moving is not going to make you or your daughter immune. Growing up we lived in a very 'good' town... and had our own family experience in the day, on the main street that might make you think otherwise.

Great job by the way on determining a timeline 17 months seems very reasonable time to save up!

[Meeko]

Start down sizing as much as possible now. Sell anything you can live without. Your toaster, extra pots and pans, clothes, furniture....everything.
It will give you extra money and be less you have to move later. Open a special savings account and put something in it every week...even if it's only a dollar.

Make it a challenge to eat frugally and find some new, cheap recipes. Work evenings and weekends, keeping in mind that it is just for a while so you can get to your goal.

If you cannot find a job you want, do some house cleaning, ironing etc....again...it's temporary. I took in ironing for several neighbors when I was first married. I don't mind ironing...they hated it and were willing to pay. It was just a few dollars, but it adds up.

Ask others what they have done (besides here). You obviously have internet access, use it to research budgeting/moving plans. You may find a blog or something written by someone who has been in the same situation.

Good luck! You can do it!

[permanentvacation]

There's a little shopping center at the entrance of my neighborhood. I just found out that yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon, someone was robbed at gunpoint by 2 people in the parking lot.

Yeah, I NEED to move!

[permanentvacation]

Margartete,

I know there's crime everywhere. But in my neighborhood, it's MAJOR crime (people getting shot point blank (usually over a drug deal), drive-by shootings, robbed at gunpoint, houses broken into over night by guys with guns, etc.) on a constant basis.

In my daughter's neighborhood, you might hear of someone stealing a bicycle once every 6 months. There's a BIG DIFFERENCE in the crime between our neighborhoods.

[Heidi]

PV, I really, really, want to encourage you to seek out assistance from an abused women's program.

I know your ex is not physically abusing you now, but he has in the past. He's still controlling you under the guise of helping. Maybe he's making up for before, or maybe he's looking out for his daughter, but my feeling is it's not that innocent. I think he LIKES "taking care" of you as a means to control.

If there is a such a program in your area, they could perhaps help you sort out your finances and set some real, realistic goals. Maybe they have contacts such as landlords that can rent to you. Renting with bad credit and the idea of doing childcare may be a double whammy in a landlord's eyes.

Unfortunately, just paying off your collection items won't help quickly. If you pay them off, they will still stay on your credit bureau report for several years. Sure, eventually you can say "that was before", but that'll take a while.

You can do this, PV, but you need to reach out to every resource you can find; except that EX of yours!

[permanentvacation]

And this evening, within a 5 minute drive, there is, yet again, another armed robbery. This time, of a business.

The amount of violent crime in my area is absurd!

[permanentvacation]

Heidi,

Yes, I know he is using money to control me and I am sure he is enjoying controlling me. That's why I can't stand it when I have to ask him for money. I feel so degraded and belittled when I have to get money from him.

Until very recently, he used to demand that I provide things for my daughter that I honestly couldn't afford. Things like cable (which many single parents don't have), taking her out to eat when she didn't like what we had at home, giving her money to go to the movies, mall, etc. It is all normal pre-teen and teenager activities, but, as a single mother, I just couldn't afford. I would tell my ex-husband that I had to give her my gas and electric bill money for her activities, and he would just continue to demand that I give her money for whatever she wanted. I don't know why, but in the past month or so, he's stopped demanding my money for her and has been giving her his money for everything she asks for money for. SO, at least I don't have to give her my money now. But like I said, it wasn't that I had extra money to give her. I was just not paying my bills on time. So, with him giving her money instead of making me give her money, I can start paying my bills on time. But I still don't have extra money to pay my debt down or save towards moving. She recently got hired for a job, so soon, she will have her own spending money.

He physically, mentally, and verbally abused me for years when we were married. He mentally and verbally abused our younger daughter, and although he didn't directly abuse our older daughter, she witnessed pretty much everything he did to me our younger daughter, therefore, she was also mentally abused by him. I called Child Protective Services then about him and they said that they couldn't do anything about the things he did, said, and allowed the children to see him do to me. Apparently, at least, at that time, there was no such thing as mental child abuse or verbal child abuse. I did, finally become able to get him out of the house and divorce him.

As far as getting on a program that would help me now. I have called around and talked to different agencies, and talked with women who have been in situations like mine. Everyone has told me that the only way to get help is if my daughter and I were homeless for a full year and stayed in a homeless shelter that keeps track of you staying there at night. We would have to be homeless and have a record from the homeless shelter that we slept there every night for a year before a program would help us.

I am not willing to make my daughter be homeless for a year and I know my ex-husband would fight for custody of her if I became homeless. So, I have to figure this all out relying on myself with no major help from a program. I do have free government health insurance for my daughter and myself though. We used to have food stamps until my daughter turned 16 years old and didn't have a job. Here, if your child's 16, they are required to have a job and their income is included in your family's income to receive food stamps. She had been looking for a job since she was 15, but had been unable to get hired anywhere. She recently got hired at a local restaurant, but they aren't going to have her actually start working until after the holidays. We have to wait until she gets her first paycheck to take the paycheck stub to Department of Social Services as proof of her employment and income. Then I can re-apply for food stamps.

[jenboo]

I'll post tonight when I'm on the computer. I have some good tips!
At least I think they are good

[Heidi]

PV-

How about seeing about a nanny job? It sounds like you've only got 2 kiddos (based on your weekly income). Someone with your experience should be marketable as a nanny, and be able to make double what you're making, I'd think.