When A Parent Tells You That They Are Your Boss

[Unregistered]

ugh!

I had an issue this morning with a parent telling me how it is and what is expectable in my daycare and what she expects I said nope I let her have it then she said do I need to find another daycare? I said if you think you need to she said well then here throws her 23 month old at me and slams my door almost knocking my decorations off! I wasn't on my game or I would have not let her leave her kid here. I can't believe she slammed my door and threw her kid on me. Not sure how to address this at pick up today. To top it off she didn't pay me this morning she better have a check at drop off. I'm so angry right now.

[Wednesday!]

Passive aggressive much? She's telling you HER feelings, as the other ladies have stated. Dad may not even feel this way. This is a common tactic to displace blame from themselves and still get their point across to you. Take that check and give them notice when they return from vacation.

[Neekie]

Well if he's your boss, then he needs to be paying half your taxes and social security and and he needs to provide you with medical insurance. And how about unemployment when he fires you because you refuse to work late.

[TheGoodLife]

This would be a term for me.

But I would have fun first. Smile big. Tell her that her husband needs to bring all the paperwork for you to sign. When she asks what paperwork, explain that as an employer, he is responsible for taking care of your taxes, Social Security, etc etc. and you will need proof at the end of the year showing all tax contributions he has made on your behalf.... etc.

When she looks shocked, wipe off the smile and say "Exactly. I am NOT your employee" and hand her the kid's stuff.

LOVE this! I would be tempted to do one of the following (if you can afford to)

1: Be a complete "B" and give them their 2 week notice immediately... meaning it covers the time of their cruise and they would be w/o care as soon as they get back. Especially if it is a paid vacation for them- take those paid two weeks of their month's payment and then refund the remaining 2 weeks. (What'd I'd REALLY want to do!)

OR

2: Give notice the day they come back.

If their vacation is UNpaid, I'd term immediately! No way would I let them think they could even talk to me that way, whether or not it was supposedly being said by the person telling me! Immature, self-centered people for sure!

[LadyK8]

I'm sitting here with fake popcorn waiting for an update. The nerve.

[ccare_erin]

Thank you!!!!!

Thank you for all the replies!!!!! As I was reading them at naptime yesterday she showed up unexpectedly and I was thrown completely off guard-grrrr!!!

Here is the thing. It would rip my heart out and my other daycare kids if dcg left. I have an extremely tight knit daycare and I can't imagine what it would be like without her. So I am trying to balance it out.

DCM came in practically crying about dcd being mad at her about money, charging up credit cards,etc... This is nothing new. She has complained non-stop about him since the interview two years ago. I know way too much about him and their personal/financial/sexual life.

So I listened and waited for her to stop talking so I could say something but she was still talking as she was out the door and going down my sidewalk with dcg.

So I sent a text and basically said I was sorry she was having a stressful day but she would need to talk to her husband at some point on vacation and let him know that I am strict with my pick up time and I have terminated care for late pick ups in the past. I don't want it to come to that so he is going to have to find a way to be here on time.

There was SO much more I wanted to say. But here is what really bothers me, so many of you pointed out that she is being passive agressive and it made me think about things she has said before under the umbrella of "dcd says.....". I think you all are right, she must think the same way.

So when she gets back I am going to approach it the same way. That she should really let her husband know he is entitled to his opinion but in all reality he is not my employer and I have the right to choose which people I do business with and I cannot do business with someone who feels they are my employer. That she needs to make sure he can accept that or we need to end our professional relationship.

These are the type of people who really don't appreciate what I do because they have never been anywhere else for care. In eight years I have never once closed for anything other than a holiday or scheduled vacation. I never even close early. My sister is my sub so I can make appointments and not disrupt anyone's schedule. All closings are scheduled at least one month in advance. I take four weeks of vacation each year (two paid and two unpaid) and this family complains every time I am closed even though they know about it well in advance. I provide exceptional loving care to their daughter, have an awesome preschool program, take these kids on tons of field trips and am underpriced for this area. We live in a fairly upscale suburb. I do this job because I love it. My husband makes enough money that I don't have to work. I could easily let this family go and not care financially. I do this job because I love it and consider myself lucky to have such an amazing profession! So when people like this feel they have a right to tell me how I should do my job it really, really makes me mad. They have no idea how good they have it.

I would LOVE to let them go so the parents can get a strong dose of reality. Trust me, I was tempted to give a 2 week notice and refund all of their money so they couldn't come back but honestly, the mom scares me. She is crazy, evil and vindictive. She paralized her husband's dog while he was at work so he would be forced to put it down when he got home. And told me about it. C-R-A-Z-Y. She has tried so hard to be my best friend to the point that I got 79 texts in less than four hours one day, CRAZY. Ugh...the stories I could tell about this nut job. I don't put anything past her so I have kept them way longer than I would have.

Again, thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it so much!!! And I plan to read through them all again before she returns in two weeks so I am armed and ready.

Although as I sit here writing this I am getting upset again and am so tempted to send a 2 week notice........

[Josiegirl]

Um ok, you know all this stuff that dcm has been telling you and yet you still want to keep them? I truly don't think dcd's employer attitude is the only issue you're dealing with here. Just from what you've told us here, this woman is a tad crazy! Even though you'd miss their dd(who I feel deeply sorry for having parents like that!!)there will be other children that you and your dcks will become attached to.

There is absolutely no way I would keep any dcp who uses me as their personal therapist or treats me like their employee, no matter how much I love their child.

I'm sure Nannyde or BC can offer you guidance as far as protecting yourself and your business if you term but wow, you do need to rid yourself(and your dc) of this toxic family asap. Call your local resource agency or licensing and ask for suggestions too.

Never keep a dcf out of fear. They'll keep you right where they want you.

[Heidi]

OP-

Please PM one of the mods and have your name removed from your posts, plus switch out your picture for an avatar of some sort. You really don't want anyone you know accidentally coming across this thread.

MODs..you can remove this post once that's done, if you want.

[MOM OF 4 LOGGED OUT]

Definitely, OP, remove name and avatar pic to protect yourself.

Also, she did WHAT to the dog? You have GOT to get rid of her! This will only be worse for you later if you don't, more dangerous, possibly as well. There is something very wrong with a woman who acts crazy like that.

I would call licensing BEFORE giving notice, let hem know you're having issues with this family and really are scared of them, that they may retaliate against you if you let them go, but it's got to be done.

Document everything here forward: Date/Time/Conversation summary/any and all bruises or injuries or illnesses that happen and any actions taken (called mom? Gave meds?)

I would collect the check for that vacation and then give them notice. I would let them know that you're giving them notice because they have blatantly violated your house rules of being respectful in your home, and that it's been more than one time.

One of a couple things will happen:
1. They will not say anything and just find someone else
2. They'll B you out and retaliate, just be prepared
3. They'll beg you to keep their kid and apologize and grovel (and bide their time to be rude to you in the future).

Don't give in out of fear. Doing that lets people like THEM feel even more entitled than they already feel. It's time they're shown that life does NOT revolve around THEM. I know you love the kid, we all love most of our daycare kids, however, sometimes, it's best for EVERYONE if you let them go. I've let go kids I loved so much, because of their rotten parents. And kept kids I didn't care for as much, for great paying, respectful parents, because I know that if their parents are decent, then eventually, that really trickles to the child. Likewise, if the parents are like yours (entitled) that will eventually trickle to the child as well. Best of luck, please protect YOU and yours first and just be very prepared.

[ccare_erin]

Thanks ladies. Removed and removed
I didn't even think that anyone would know who I am
I shouldn't have shared what little I shared. There is a lot more. It's the kind of stuff you listen to and you think 'Does anyone REALLY live like this?" Everyone else here is professional, mature, and 'normal' as far as I can tell. Thank goodness.
I did call licensing once before because dcm was unemployed for a while, showing up late consistently, and I realized she was drunk one day. I called licensing before I gave her the 'shape up or ship out' notice.
She has since found a sponsor and held a job consistently. Still, the stories and the badgering to hang out outside of work are a bit much.
When she gets back we are having a talk

[Unregistered]

If a parent tells me they are my boss

I'd say sorry this is not burger king you can not have it your way! 😄 I offer a service you either want my services or you don't period!

[LadyK8]

Any updates?

[ccare_erin]

Not yet. They won't be back until next weekend and then I am closed the week of Xmas so I won't see then until the end of the month.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

Wow, as I read through that story, it got way more complicated than just a jerk dcd. I guess the best thing you can say about them as clients (besides their great kid you love), is that it will NEVER be boring!::

I think in your shoes, I would probably respond the same way you are. Not so much "afraid" of the crazy dcm, but more concerned about not wanting to have a general confrontation with such odd people.

I've had just 3 previous clients that treated me as their ungrateful employee, and I just tried to set the record straight by reiterating my policies and unfailingly enforcing them every. Single. Time. Did it eventually squeeze them out? You betcha, and that way more than fine with me. At least then they left on their own terms, and didn't really have a right to be angry with me, only disappointed that they couldn't bully me into bending my policies just for them. They were smart enough to know if they bad-mouthed me, they would end up sounding like horses' asses.

[renodeb]

Dad may deny it if you approach him about something he told his wife. I think I would have to term with that kind of attitude. Your supposed to pack up the child and take her with you and they will p/u when they can? Unacceptable!
Dear Parents,
This letter is to serve as a notice that I can not extend my business hours out any later at closing. Please pick your child up on time or arrange a ride for them. Failure to pick up on time will result in immediate termination. You are right KIDSRMYBIZ. if you keep sticking to your rules eventually they will probably leave on there own. Just make sure and document what happens incase things go side ways!
JMO!