Lying

[DaycareMom]

I have DCB 5... all of the sudden he has been misbehaving quite a bit and is lying to me about it!

He has been breaking toys, hitting, coloring on my doors, etc. When I ask him about it, he lies to me and says " I don't want you to get mad at me"

For example, last week, I stood behind him and watched him color on my door. When he turned around and noticed me, I said "Who colored on my wall?" He started crying and said " I don't know. I would NEVER do that!"

We all talked for a long time about what was the truth or reality versus what is a lie or a made up story. I explained I would be way more mad than if he lies than to just admit it.

Well, my talking/explaining did not work. He lied to me an additional 3 times just on that day!!!

I spoke to DCM about it at pick up and she didn't seem to care. She just said she was surprised since her older child is so honest ... . Not sure that is true, but anyway ...

Have any of you ever dealt with this? How do I get him to stop lying?!?!
There is nothing in this world that irritates me more than lying!!! HELP!

[Heidi]

I guess, the first thing that jumps out at me is why as a question you know the answer to? I think perhaps it reinforces the lying.

"DCB, we DO NOT color on walls. We color on paper!"

[Play Care]

I guess, the first thing that jumps out at me is why as a question you know the answer to? I think perhaps it reinforces the lying.

"DCB, we DO NOT color on walls. We color on paper!"

This. Lying or story telling is actually very common for this age. Children tell lies for many reasons - to get out of trouble, to feel powerful, etc. It sounds as if your child is lying to get out of trouble. I would take away the opportunity to lie, as Heidi suggested. But this is a child who should be in sight at all times and with a designated spot when you have to attend other things (making a meal or changing a baby, etc.) The child would not have access to crayons or other writing implements unless it was at the table under my direct supervision. He isn't able to handle the freedom right now.
Take away the need to lie and see if that helps.

When I talk to the parents during this lovely stage, I make it clear that while it may be developmentally appropriate, it won't be tolerated. The same way I do when I have a 15 month old who might bite or hit... I don't think it's enough to tell the parents that it happened, in this case, given how high the stakes could be, you need to make it clear that you won't put up with it.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

When I ask him about it, he lies to me and says " I don't want you to get mad at me"

I agree with the previous posters about not asking about it like this--with a slightly different perspective. Asking a question like this sets him up to fail. Either he admits it--and gets you mad--or he lies. Neither option is a good one. Try to set him up to succeed. When you call him on it, offer him a way to make it right. For example, you could say "you drew on my wall. We don't draw on walls; only on paper. Here is a scrub brush so you can clean it off."

But I think there's also another question here, which is why has his behavior suddenly changed? That's what I'd talk with his parents about. Is something going on at home that you should know about? At five, it's often kindergarten anxiety. Are they talking about it already? I think you'll have more luck solving the problem if you can find the root of it.

[Heidi]

I agree with the previous posters about not asking about it like this--with a slightly different perspective. Asking a question like this sets him up to fail. Either he admits it--and gets you mad--or he lies. Neither option is a good one. Try to set him up to succeed. When you call him on it, offer him a way to make it right. For example, you could say "you drew on my wall. We don't draw on walls; only on paper. Here is a scrub brush so you can clean it off."

But I think there's also another question here, which is why has his behavior suddenly changed? That's what I'd talk with his parents about. Is something going on at home that you should know about? At five, it's often kindergarten anxiety. Are they talking about it already? I think you'll have more luck solving the problem if you can find the root of it.

I really like the idea of adding the opportunity to make amends. I have always tried to teach my children that we all make mistakes, and that saying your sorry is a start...but FIXING it is better.

[Play Care]

I agree with the previous posters about not asking about it like this--with a slightly different perspective. Asking a question like this sets him up to fail. Either he admits it--and gets you mad--or he lies. Neither option is a good one. Try to set him up to succeed. When you call him on it, offer him a way to make it right. For example, you could say "you drew on my wall. We don't draw on walls; only on paper. Here is a scrub brush so you can clean it off."

But I think there's also another question here, which is why has his behavior suddenly changed? That's what I'd talk with his parents about. Is something going on at home that you should know about? At five, it's often kindergarten anxiety. Are they talking about it already? I think you'll have more luck solving the problem if you can find the root of it.

Kind of off topic, but YES! To Kindegarten anixety!! I find pretty much the whole 4th year is now "next year you got to school! Isn't that EXCITING!" "Are you going to ride the BIG bus?!" "I bet you can't wait to go to school!!"
And then we wonder why the child starts talking like a "baby" or having accidents, and misbehaving, etc.

[daycarediva]

Kind of off topic, but YES! To Kindegarten anixety!! I find pretty much the whole 4th year is now "next year you got to school! Isn't that EXCITING!" "Are you going to ride the BIG bus?!" "I bet you can't wait to go to school!!"
And then we wonder why the child starts talking like a "baby" or having accidents, and misbehaving, etc.

Oh god yes!!!!

I would call him out on it, and not give him the opportunity to fib. "Oh no dcb, we don't color on walls. Here. You clean this up and then come sit by me while I _________."

[DaycareMom]

That is only one example of his lying. I have straight out called him out on things right after he has done it. He knows i saw him, I have said to him, "i just saw you hit dcb. You need to sit in time out. We do not hit."
He will start whining and saying, "no i didn't! I would NEVER hit dcb!"

I understand that lying is somewhat normal at this age. He has become my shadow since catching him in so many lies but even if he knows I saw him, he knows he is caught and he still lies. And, what i find even more alarming is the "i would NEVER..." Statement after every lie...

When I spoke to DCM, I was very clear that i do not tolerate lying. She said she thinks it was because she was on a business trip the previous week and Dcd prob let him do whatever he wanted. She is a very busy businesswoman with a very active social life. Her mentality is that if she doesn't have to deal with it, then she doesn't concern herself with it.

I suppose it could be kindergarten anxiety but he doesn't start until September. We rarely ever talk about it. I feel like its too far out to be psyching him up for it just yet.

Perhaps this is more of a vent, but again, if anyone has had a similar experience, please share and help. Thank you to everyone who has responded. Just feeling frustrated!

[sharlan]

Everyone knows how I feel about continual lying - T E R M!

[Hunni Bee]

I also agree on not setting him up to lie, but I know sometimes you have to ask or they start lying befor you even ask!

For this, I make it clear that I will not be lied to. I ask twice more, and on the last one I say "I'm giving you one last chance to fix this. I need the truth". They usually fess up, but if they don't, I say they lost their chance and now its up to me what happens. Proceed to consequence. I try to let them know they have more power to change the situation by telling the truth than lying.

[Littlehouse-Lotsofkids]

That is only one example of his lying. I have straight out called him out on things right after he has done it. He knows i saw him, I have said to him, "i just saw you hit dcb. You need to sit in time out. We do not hit."
He will start whining and saying, "no i didn't! I would NEVER hit dcb!"

When they say something inappropriate like that I like to say something like "No, you did hit her. You can say I feel so frustrated/sad/angry (whatever seems to fit best at the time), I'm sorry DCB, I won't hit you again."
If they don't use the words I am giving them or similar words and they say "I didn't do it" again then I take them by the hand bring them over to DCB and say it for them "sorry DCB, I won't hit you again" then continue with the consequence.
It is something that works well with my younger kids (2 and 3)but I do it from time to time with my almost 7 year old nephew who I watch. He hates it. He grumbles and glares at me for treating him like the younger kids but it makes the point and I see improvement the following days.