Lost Connection

[daycare]

FIRST OFF I DON'T WANT TO BE FLAMED FOR THIS, I AM SURE MOST OF US HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS.

I have a dck who has been with me for 2.5 years. Child will be 5 in Jan.

Since day one child has been difficult, DCD not in picture, DCM does not give boundries, rules, etc. But I have always been able to connect and work things out with dck... NOw at 4.5 DCK is smart enough to know that DCM does not care or back rules, so why listen at school, worst thing that will happen is you get sat out. Well recently we had an incident which I required DCM to take a parenting class through the county. DCP did. I told her next time she does not back me they are gone. She has followed through so far but its only been two weeks.

Moving forward, I have lost my connection with this kid due to behavior. In past I was always able to control it, but now that the kid knows that DCM won't do anything about it, it's really eating at me.

I had a staff meeting today and asked my assistants can you tell that I am losing my patience with (johnny) they all said no. I told them well I fell like I want to leave the room as soon as the child comes in.
No matter how proactive I am about things, the kid just does not listen. I have never raised my voice at any child and do a great job of covering up my frustrations, but I just don't know what to do right now.

Have you ever lost a connection with a child and then found a way to get it back?

I am considering giving only 14 days to improve or I am going to let go, but considering all of the hard work I have put in with this child and now DCM I really want to find a way to reconnect with this child.

Advise?

[Indoorvoice]

YES! This happened to me quite a bit when I was a teacher and didn't have the option of terming. The biggest thing that helped me was to find some time to spend 1:1 with them and just play. I would make sure my assistants had control of the other kids so that they could have my maximum attention. If I thought play would be an issue, I tried cooking or art, or going outside. When I took the pressures off of my teaching and constantly correcting the child, I ended up often finding qualities I liked. It usually lasted me a good couple of weeks to a month before I was frustrated again. I hope you find something that works for you.

[daycare]

YES! This happened to me quite a bit when I was a teacher and didn't have the option of terming. The biggest thing that helped me was to find some time to spend 1:1 with them and just play. I would make sure my assistants had control of the other kids so that they could have my maximum attention. If I thought play would be an issue, I tried cooking or art, or going outside. When I took the pressures off of my teaching and constantly correcting the child, I ended up often finding qualities I liked. It usually lasted me a good couple of weeks to a month before I was frustrated again. I hope you find something that works for you.

these are wonderful ideas.....and thank you so much for understanding. I love this kid, but not when dck makes the hair stand on my neck.

I will try this right away..

[melilley]

I have one that I feel the same as you. This child was f/t and went down to p/t and I was so happy. But, when he's here just those 2 days, I want to leave as soon as he gets here. He's only 3, but is a terror (sorry to say, but he is) and the whole group changes when he's here. I'm the type that tries to stick it out and work with him, but it's hard.

I think that sometimes we just may not bond with a child and it's ok. :hug:

[Wednesday!]

It's so funny that you posted this today daycare. I just logged in to ask something very similar. But I'll start a new thread so I don't hijack.
I agree with altandra and I discovered it quite by accident. When I've had a low day with only a couple of daycare kids present (usually a holiday when most parents are off work/out of town, but not all), and I spent a lot of one on one time with them that day, I got those warm and fuzzies all over again.

[Leigh]

YES! This happened to me quite a bit when I was a teacher and didn't have the option of terming. The biggest thing that helped me was to find some time to spend 1:1 with them and just play. I would make sure my assistants had control of the other kids so that they could have my maximum attention. If I thought play would be an issue, I tried cooking or art, or going outside. When I took the pressures off of my teaching and constantly correcting the child, I ended up often finding qualities I liked. It usually lasted me a good couple of weeks to a month before I was frustrated again. I hope you find something that works for you.

I had a kid that I used to keep up from nap for about 20 minutes after the other kids went down. We'd lie on the floor and color or he'd sit on my lap to read a book. Sometimes, we'd go outside and take care of the flowers...it was as if he NEEDED some one-on-one to calm down. After spending this time together, he would be much more mellow. This kid had a terrible personal life, and I think he just needed to know that he mattered to someone.

[Indoorvoice]

these are wonderful ideas.....and thank you so much for understanding. I love this kid, but not when dck makes the hair stand on my neck.

I will try this right away..

There is no reason why anyone should not understand what you are going through! While we do this job because we love children, they are not our own, and the love is not unconditional. It sounds harsh, but it's true! You can love working with children and be a good provider without loving ALL children. I think it shows what a great provider you are to admit that you are struggling with a child and that you are willing to work on it. Good for you, and best of luck! :hug:

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

There is no reason why anyone should not understand what you are going through! While we do this job because we love children, they are not our own, and the love is not unconditional. It sounds harsh, but it's true! You can love working with children and be a good provider without loving ALL children. I think it shows what a great provider you are to admit that you are struggling with a child and that you are willing to work on it. Good for you, and best of luck! :hug:

I totally agree. Good for you for working on it!!!

[daycare]

thanks ladies...

I really love what I do for a living and really want every child to benefit from my program. I want each child to have the best experience here and want them to leave here with a love for learning.

I don't want to EVER be THAT teacher. you know what I mean?

[taylorw1210]

There is no reason why anyone should not understand what you are going through! While we do this job because we love children, they are not our own, and the love is not unconditional. It sounds harsh, but it's true! You can love working with children and be a good provider without loving ALL children. I think it shows what a great provider you are to admit that you are struggling with a child and that you are willing to work on it. Good for you, and best of luck! :hug:

I agree 100%.

I am finding myself feeling similar to the OP with a dcg of mine right now. What frustrates me the most with this family is that the mom works in early education, yet she lets her daughter run their household. Most of the time we keep it in check at my home, however sometimes her lack of boundaries at home spills over to my home and we have bad days/weeks. We are currently in the middle of a bad period and I am struggling to keep a connection with this girl.

[daycare]

:hug::hug:

It ****s when there is no parental support.

No matter what I say or do, parents will always trump me. THEY have to be on board or the behavior will never stop.

I tried making play-dough with dck today....was not a good day. no listening at all and I ended up having to throw it in the trash can, it was ruined.

I am feeling sad, but still motivated to try to reconnect....

[Unregistered]

maybe

Sometimes a child like this will blossom when given responsibility. Anytime you can find a little something that he can do for you and with you, it will make him feel important. Jobs he has seen you do- not anything you have asked kids to do. For example putting the sheets on the nap mats or setting the lunch table or even doing things for little kids like take off a little ones shoes. He might start to follow you around hoping to get his next important job. He might start to feel like he's on a little team with you. Maybe not! Hard to say without knowing more! Good luck!