Mom Wants List of "Challenges/Concerns"

[Littlehouse-Lotsofkids]

I just terminated my child care arrangement for DCK2. I tried for 2 months and it was NOT working at all. He is completely non-verbal and refuses to attempt sign, or even basic body language like nodding his head. He is aggressive with the other kids and the final straw was that he has started trying to swallow things around my house - coins, rocks, art supplies including but not limited to the tips of all my markers, the corners of my foam floor mats etc.
The mother seemed ok with it when I told her that I would be terminating in 2 weeks. The next day she asked me for a written list of all of the challenges, concerns, and issues I had with him. Saying she needs to know these things. I can't help but feel like it is a trap of some sort (paranoid). Also I can't figure out how to write such a list. I have always been taught that if you are going to give a criticism or negative then it should be accompanied by a positive. A list doesn't really lend itself to that. Thoughts? Ideas? Am I being paranoid?

[Soccermom]

I just terminated my child care arrangement for DCK2. I tried for 2 months and it was NOT working at all. He is completely non-verbal and refuses to attempt sign, or even basic body language like nodding his head. He is aggressive with the other kids and the final straw was that he has started trying to swallow things around my house - coins, rocks, art supplies including but not limited to the tips of all my markers, the corners of my foam floor mats etc.
The mother seemed ok with it when I told her that I would be terminating in 2 weeks. The next day she asked me for a written list of all of the challenges, concerns, and issues I had with him. Saying she needs to know these things. I can't help but feel like it is a trap of some sort (paranoid). Also I can't figure out how to write such a list. I have always been taught that if you are going to give a criticism or negative then it should be accompanied by a positive. A list doesn't really lend itself to that. Thoughts? Ideas? Am I being paranoid?

I assume she has noticed some strange behaviors from the child at home as well and is looking to have him evaluated.

She is likely asking you to give her a list of unusual things you noticed him doing in order to present them to her pediatrician since you spent a lot of time with him. She probably trusts that you know what is odd for a child that age since you work with children.

I would help her out but I would ask up front what her intentions with this list are.

[Littlehouse-Lotsofkids]

I should have specified that both Mom and Dad have made it very clear to me that they have no concerns about him at all, especially his speech because they know someone who didn't talk until they were 3 and she talks all the time now. They also say ALL of the other behavior does not happen at their house or when with friends with kids. He never pushes or hits and doesn't put anything in his mouth at home.
I would love to think that maybe they want the information to bring up with their doctor and maybe get some screening done but I really do not feel like that is the case here.

[Soccermom]

I should have specified that both Mom and Dad have made it very clear to me that they have no concerns about him at all, especially his speech because they know someone who didn't talk until they were 3 and she talks all the time now. They also say ALL of the other behavior does not happen at their house or when with friends with kids. He never pushes or hits and doesn't put anything in his mouth at home.
I would love to think that maybe they want the information to bring up with their doctor and maybe get some screening done but I really do not feel like that is the case here.

Isn't that frustrating? I swear some people raise their kids with blinders on. In that case, I would say that a list of concerns is not something you provide to families upon termination and that you chose to term because he was not a good fit for your program (or home).

[MissLiz610]

I agree that I too would be concerned with writing a list of things and what her intention is to do with the list. Rather than just making a list of issues, does your state have a child assessment form that is done on the children? If so, just use that form to go over where he is developmentally compared to where he should be at. That way it covers you professionally and handles her concerns at the same time.

[Solandia]

I would just tell them that you have already addressed concerns as issues came up. But...f they need you to fill out a questionnaire of some sort as part of an eval in the near future, that you would be able to help at that time.

The only time I did a list of issues was when the parents needed to address real issues with their child, and the pedi was labeling their concerns as First Time Parent Syndrome.

[Annalee]

I should have specified that both Mom and Dad have made it very clear to me that they have no concerns about him at all, especially his speech because they know someone who didn't talk until they were 3 and she talks all the time now. They also say ALL of the other behavior does not happen at their house or when with friends with kids. He never pushes or hits and doesn't put anything in his mouth at home.
I would love to think that maybe they want the information to bring up with their doctor and maybe get some screening done but I really do not feel like that is the case here.

I would keep it simple since she is leaving your care..something like the child has social-emotional issues or learning delays....whatever the case may be, then I would give her resources for where the child could be tested.

If they were in my care to stay, I would be more specific......but I am leery of anyone whom has been terminated. Good luck!

[Shell]

Maybe a progress report would work. The CDC has guidelines of what to expect at different ages, you could use that as your reference. I would use specific language from their handouts, nothing else. The other part of me says why bother?! If they aren't concerned, and the child is leaving, I would just say something like, "I'm very busy with paperwork at this time. My concerns are x,y,z if you would like to write them down yourself. I would not bend over backwards if you feel they aren't going to use your list with good intentions.

[cheerfuldom]

I would tell mom that I am not open to rediscussing the termination. I would however provide numbers to local resources to have her child evaluated. Professionals can help her figure out if his behaviors are normal for his age or if further attention is needed. I would end with "It is very possible that I was not the right fit for his needs but on the other hand, professionals will be able to appropriately evaluate his milestones as well as decide what, if any, measures and resources may be available to him"

[KiddieCahoots]

I wouldn't. Now that you've terminated, it's no longer your concern.
If the dcp's were that interested before, then before is when they should have asked you for your input and help.
You could always tell them that once they establish an EI worker, then you would be more than happy to discuss it with the worker, once they've signed the necessary paperwork to do so, but I don 't think I'd put myself out there for that either.
I may be too burnt out to answer this question in a biased manner, but feel there are a lot of parents that are in denial and looking for retaliation rather than help, like these dcp's sound to be.

[Unregistered]

I am seeing major redflags of Autism (my son was diagnosed at two - now 12). If they are going for assessments, then your findings would be extremely important, but if you feel like it's a trap then don't put anything in writing. Maybe they are keeping their suspicions on the dl until they know anything for sure? We did at the beginning. And btw, we also downplayed the speech concerns for the exact reasons as these parents. Would you be comfortable suggesting they see a Dr and if he needs to know anything, then you'd be more comfortable listing everything.

Monkey Toes

[melilley]

I agree with Ceerfuldom and Shell.
Here is a link to the CDC website. You can download and print off milestone checklists among other things. You could pass this on to dcm or print one off and fill it out to give to her.

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/index.html

There is also the Zero to Three program. Here the link to that: http://zerotothree.org/

[TaylorTots]

Don't give her the chance to use it for any bad intentions she may have.

"DCM, I'd be happy to give my challenges, concerns and issues to either your pediatrician or their nurse so that they can have him evaluated. I'm glad you are one of the responsible parents out there, rather than one who just ignores these issues when experienced professionals like myself see so many warning signs. Please have them call me during business hours or they can mail/fax me a form to complete for his much needed screening."

A little passive aggressiveness might keep her from having an argument with you about his need to be evaluated.

[Heidi]

If you want to do an ASQ-SE assessment, you can find it here:

file:///C:/Users/Birgit/Downloads/ASQ-SE%2024-Month%20Questionnaire%20(Eng).pdf

Scoring information is here:

http://stephanl.faculty.mjc.edu/UsingASQSE.pdf

Basically, every 'Z" is o points, "V" or boxes marked "concern" is 5, and "X" is 10.

Here is the score sheet:

http://www.healthyfamiliesnewyork.org/media/pdf/web_forms_pdfs/hfny_asqse110312.pdf

I would write down your concerns, in any case, or do a quick CDC "milestones" form.

[Blackcat31]

I would tell mom that I am not open to rediscussing the termination. I would however provide numbers to local resources to have her child evaluated. Professionals can help her figure out if his behaviors are normal for his age or if further attention is needed. I would end with "It is very possible that I was not the right fit for his needs but on the other hand, professionals will be able to appropriately evaluate his milestones as well as decide what, if any, measures and resources may be available to him"