Subtle Clues??

[keasb81]

Hi

My daughter who is a little over 2 years started day care about 2 months ago and although there were a lot of tears earlier on she has gotten much better. She is mostly well behaved, quite, prefers books and her teachers have told me that she is a very good child several times. Prior to day care, she was at home with her grandparents and is used to one on on attention. She now sleeps by herself at day care which was not what she did when she started.
Over the past week, her teachers have not been as friendly with me during drop off and pick up. Then yesterday, her teacher almost complained to me that my daughter would sit on her knee (while another child would sit on the other) during story time. My daughter does enjoy looking at the book when we read and she has always been interested in books, even as an infant. During pick up, the teachers don't seem interested in giving me feedback and instead they give me vague statements like she was 'superb'.

This morning when I dropped her off, she was very excited as today is picture day and had new clothes on. Her teacher was sitting in a corner with a few other kids showing them pictures on her phone. My daughter pushed her way through (2 kids) to look at the pictures while I was setting up her breakfast. I remarked 'there she is'. Her teacher responded saying that she just squeezes (she is petite for her age) her way in without saying anything. I was surprised. Is a child between 2 and 3 years of age expected to say 'excuse me'? My daughter picked up on the emotion and immediately moved out and stood away in the corner. I did not know how to respond to the teacher but went up to my daughter and told her softly that she should always say excuse me before walking in front of people.

The events of the last few weeks makes me wonder how she is being treated at day care. I am not sure if I am reading too much into all this. Should I continue sending her to this center? Sorry for the lengthy post.

[Leigh]

Hi

My daughter who is a little over 2 years started day care about 2 months ago and although there were a lot of tears earlier on she has gotten much better. She is mostly well behaved, quite, prefers books and her teachers have told me that she is a very good child several times. Prior to day care, she was at home with her grandparents and is used to one on on attention. She now sleeps by herself at day care which was not what she did when she started.
Over the past week, her teachers have not been as friendly with me during drop off and pick up. Then yesterday, her teacher almost complained to me that my daughter would sit on her knee (while another child would sit on the other) during story time. My daughter does enjoy looking at the book when we read and she has always been interested in books, even as an infant. During pick up, the teachers don't seem interested in giving me feedback and instead they give me vague statements like she was 'superb'.

This morning when I dropped her off, she was very excited as today is picture day and had new clothes on. Her teacher was sitting in a corner with a few other kids showing them pictures on her phone. My daughter pushed her way through (2 kids) to look at the pictures while I was setting up her breakfast. I remarked 'there she is'. Her teacher responded saying that she just squeezes (she is petite for her age) her way in without saying anything. I was surprised. Is a child between 2 and 3 years of age expected to say 'excuse me'? My daughter picked up on the emotion and immediately moved out and stood away in the corner. I did not know how to respond to the teacher but went up to my daughter and told her softly that she should always say excuse me before walking in front of people.

The events of the last few weeks makes me wonder how she is being treated at day care. I am not sure if I am reading too much into all this. Should I continue sending her to this center? Sorry for the lengthy post.

Should a child between 2 & 3 be expected to say "excuse me"? Mine do. My own and my daycare kids. When you model good behaviors, kids pick them up. I am sure that they are annoyed if your child is pushing her way through to get to the front of the line and basically behaving as if she were the only child there that matters.

I'm not insulting you, this is just what I read from your post.

What can you do? Talk to the center. Tell them that you get the impression that your daughter needs to work on social skills and ask what you can do to help. I am sure that if you work with them, everything can work out.

[Soccermom]

I always say to follow your gut when it comes to the well being of your child.

There are times when some daycare providers just don't mesh well with a certain daycare child or family.

If you are not getting a good vibe from them, then I would not hesitate to look around for another place where you feel more comfortable.

But, having said that, don't forget that the staff are often more open to taking the extra time to talk to you about your child's care in the beginning in order to reassure you that your child is doing well. They won't always take a lot of time to discuss your little one's day unless you have specific questions as they are often busy caring for the children and it can be very distracting having a parent in the room. The kids tend to misbehave when a parent arrives for pick up so we tend to want to make pick ups and drop offs as quick as possible.

Hope this helps.

[Play Care]

Should a child between 2 & 3 be expected to say "excuse me"? Mine do. My own and my daycare kids. When you model good behaviors, kids pick them up. I am sure that they are annoyed if your child is pushing her way through to get to the front of the line and basically behaving as if she were the only child there that matters.

I'm not insulting you, this is just what I read from your post.

What can you do? Talk to the center. Tell them that you get the impression that your daughter needs to work on social skills and ask what you can do to help. I am sure that if you work with them, everything can work out.

[akpayne]

Should a child between 2 & 3 be expected to say "excuse me"? Mine do. My own and my daycare kids. When you model good behaviors, kids pick them up. I am sure that they are annoyed if your child is pushing her way through to get to the front of the line and basically behaving as if she were the only child there that matters.

I'm not insulting you, this is just what I read from your post.

What can you do? Talk to the center. Tell them that you get the impression that your daughter needs to work on social skills and ask what you can do to help. I am sure that if you work with them, everything can work out.

Exactly this. Your daughter has gone from one on one interaction to a group atmosphere. She is not the only one with wants/ needs and she needs to learn that. Manners can never be taught too early

[cheerfuldom]

Just from your post, I think you are being too sensitive and reading too much into this. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the teachers or center, I would respectfully address these concerns with the lead teacher. Don't forget that while you are seeing and hearing every single small thing for your own child, the teachers talk to many parents and many kids every day. Something random they said with no ill intention could be taken as very worrisome by a single parent. I am guessing that they did not mean anything bad by any of these comments. Additionally, you seem to be unhappy when the teachers say positive things (like if she had a "superb" day) and ordinary things (like the comment with the photo situation)......it seems a bit like you are looking for negative things that aren't really there.......

[Heidi]

I empathize where you're coming from. Try thinking about how you would feel if your daughter had been sitting there already, and then another child had pushed her way in.

That said, a 2-3 year old who's never had to "compete" for adult attention is not going to automatically know that. As a teacher, I would have said "XX, your friend's don't like being pushed. Say "make room please", and we will all scootch over".

It doesn't sound like she's being intentionally aggressive. She's just used to being the center of the universe (and that's just fine!), and it'll take her a while to learn that she's part of a group now.

Like a PP said, now's a good time to work on that. You can play some "taking turns" games at home, remind her to say "please" and "thank you", etc, and create some practice situations at home where she has to wait patiently for things. She'll get it.

[TaylorTots]

Should a child between 2 & 3 be expected to say "excuse me"? Mine do. My own and my daycare kids. When you model good behaviors, kids pick them up. I am sure that they are annoyed if your child is pushing her way through to get to the front of the line and basically behaving as if she were the only child there that matters.

I'm not insulting you, this is just what I read from your post.

What can you do? Talk to the center. Tell them that you get the impression that your daughter needs to work on social skills and ask what you can do to help. I am sure that if you work with them, everything can work out.

Agree.

[CraftyMom]

A 2 year old shouldn't "know" to say excuse me, but should be learning from parents, teachers and other children.

Here in my daycare it is rude to shove your way past someone who was there first. Repeat offenders are made to go last, helps get the point across that there are others that also want to be first or look at the book, etc.

I agree with the others that this is what she is used to, but it's time to learn

For example, in a room full of children, and a teacher with only 2 knees, not every child will get to sit on the teacher's knee at story time everyday. Every child would like to, they must take turns.

[KiddieCahoots]

Sounds like these are the teachers subtle clues to you on areas of where she would like to see improvement.

For example; instead of your comment of "there she is", and supporting your daughter's actions to be appropriate, after having pushed through her crowd of peers, the teacher might have been looking for your second response, first of correcting the behavior. To help instruct the appropriate to benefit your daughter, and the group for future interactions.

[nannyde]

They will not conference with you daily. Saying superb means no news is good news.

Once the honeymoon is over she is just one of the kids. The level of parent attention the staff offers dramatically declines as it should. Kids don't change much from day to day o there isn't much to report.

A ton of parents want "your child is gifted" stories from the caretakers. They also want to hear all the special special things the kid did for the money they are paying and to have the staff confirm the kid is the bestest, cutest, favorite child. That may not be you but it is very common.

The staff is telling you they will tell you of problems only so take their silence as all is well. They don't want to tell you every day what she did, how she was with the kids, what academic achievement she has had etc. They want to keep your contact at just issues that come up.

With a big group with multiple caregivers, no one one to get stuck having to come up with parent pleaser stories. They don't get paid enough to be that creative.

Try checking in once a week and spoil the staff with something special now and then. That will bring you some favor and they will most likely engage you more if they know you have taken the initiative to do something for them.

My guess is that you are asking a lot of specific questions and hanging out for conferencing. Is that the case? If so, remember these guys have two arrivals and departures a day and don't want to have to do a song and dance for every parent.

If you feel they aren't giving you crucial info then talk to the owner.

[AmyKidsCo]

I always say to follow your gut when it comes to the well being of your child.

There are times when some daycare providers just don't mesh well with a certain daycare child or family.

If you are not getting a good vibe from them, then I would not hesitate to look around for another place where you feel more comfortable.

I totally agree!

But, having said that, don't forget that the staff are often more open to taking the extra time to talk to you about your child's care in the beginning in order to reassure you that your child is doing well. They won't always take a lot of time to discuss your little one's day unless you have specific questions as they are often busy caring for the children and it can be very distracting having a parent in the room. The kids tend to misbehave when a parent arrives for pick up so we tend to want to make pick ups and drop offs as quick as possible.

I disagree about this. IMO a provider who truly cares about a child will make time to talk with the child's parents at drop off and pick up - a reasonable amount, that is.

I'm concerned that the teacher's comments seem to indicate a lack of caring for your daughter, and maybe even that she's seen as a "bother" instead of the unique little person she is. If that's the vibe you're always getting I'd set up a meeting with the teacher to see what's going on. Maybe she's got a tough class and is overwhelmed, and doesn't realize she's sending out those vibes.

[cheerfuldom]

They will not conference with you daily. Saying superb means no news is good news.

Once the honeymoon is over she is just one of the kids. The level of parent attention the staff offers dramatically declines as it should. Kids don't change much from day to day o there isn't much to report.

A ton of parents want "your child is gifted" stories from the caretakers. They also want to hear all the special special things the kid did for the money they are paying and to have the staff confirm the kid is the bestest, cutest, favorite child. That may not be you but it is very common.

The staff is telling you they will tell you of problems only so take their silence as all is well. They don't want to tell you every day what she did, how she was with the kids, what academic achievement she has had etc. They want to keep your contact at just issues that come up.

With a big group with multiple caregivers, no one one to get stuck having to come up with parent pleaser stories. They don't get paid enough to be that creative.

Try checking in once a week and spoil the staff with something special now and then. That will bring you some favor and they will most likely engage you more if they know you have taken the initiative to do something for them.

My guess is that you are asking a lot of specific questions and hanging out for conferencing. Is that the case? If so, remember these guys have two arrivals and departures a day and don't want to have to do a song and dance for every parent.

If you feel they aren't giving you crucial info then talk to the owner.

agree.

It does seem as if you are looking for a specific type of interaction with the staff that is likely to be unrealistic. Like I said earlier, your child is just one in a group setting. No one has the time or interest to be detailing her whole day or worrying about if something they said might have made you mad. If you are happy with the rates, location, environment and general care of your child, you will have to learn to let little things like "did she mean something by that comment? she didnt talk to me when I came in......" go. You will drive yourself crazy over analyzing every encounter with every staff person. they are trying to do their job and nitpicking about tone and comment (especially at busy times like arrival and departure) is going to make you really unhappy. If you have a specific concern, of course voice that. But coming to the director with something vague like dissatisfaction over minor random comments that the teacher made is going to make a few things happen....the director will note that you are hard to please and wont take your complaints seriously and then tell the teacher you came in....the teacher will no longer feel free to tell you anything due to criticism and will clam up and you will get even less feedback from them.

Trust me. You are worrying for nothing here. Enjoy your daughter, look for the positives in the care situation, dont rock the boat unless it is for major issues of safety, etc. Chalk these other issues up to a difference in personality and just give the teachers the benefit of the doubt.

[hope]

OP, you seem to be a little sensitive when the teacher told you about the story time incident. When parents are sensitive we as care givers tend to back off the details we give each day to spare the parents feelings. It turns into a no win situation for us. When a teacher tells you that your child's day was "superb" you should take that as a positive thing. Instead you are over analyzing it. I think the teachers may see that you do that and are probably again afraid to say anything in fear of the way you will analyze it. So they become vague.
My advice to you would be to step back and give it time. Ask how her day was and leave it at that. You will find that you will get the details here and there but not every day. I'm not saying this to be mean or judgey. Most of us are mom's ourselves and we struggle with issues with our own kids also.

[daycarediva]

I empathize where you're coming from. Try thinking about how you would feel if your daughter had been sitting there already, and then another child had pushed her way in.

That said, a 2-3 year old who's never had to "compete" for adult attention is not going to automatically know that. As a teacher, I would have said "XX, your friend's don't like being pushed. Say "make room please", and we will all scootch over".

It doesn't sound like she's being intentionally aggressive. She's just used to being the center of the universe (and that's just fine!), and it'll take her a while to learn that she's part of a group now.

Like a PP said, now's a good time to work on that. You can play some "taking turns" games at home, remind her to say "please" and "thank you", etc, and create some practice situations at home where she has to wait patiently for things. She'll get it.

I agree.

I would say something to the lead teacher in the room

"How is CHILD adjusting to being in a group care setting? Is she doing well with social interactions? Is there anything we can work on at home?"

and go from there....

Story time here...*sigh* and all of my crew are only children... *sigh* and HALF started daycare/preschool with me at 2.... *sigh*

NOBODY SITS ON MY LAP. It solved a LOT of issues. They sit across from me on their spot on the carpet, and I read upside down. It is VERY difficult to give one child special in a group. Sitting on a lap at story time is special to every other child NOT sitting on a lap.