Three and Fours, Oh My!

[Play Care]

I have on any given day, three 3 year olds and two 4 year olds. For the most part everyone gets along well (the 3 yo dcg and 4 yo dcg have gotten better...) but we are into the "I'm not your best friend!" and "you can't come to my house!" stage. Good times. ::

I wanted to include something in my newsletter about this stage, and what we can do together to handle it (or survive it, whatever:: ) but am having a hard time finding good information. Most of the searches are going to mommy blogs, in which the mother swears her child is being bullied at day care because they are coming home with these phrases (not saying it isn't possible, but I know with my group no one is being bullied, they are testing out the power of their words and working on developing socially appropriate behavior/skills and are happily playing the majority of the day)
Does anyone have any good sources they can point me to? Or some suggestions to use when they do this (just in case there is something new I haven't thought of and tried)?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I do it myself here. No one is permitted to say, "I'm not your friend." They CAN say, "I don't want to play with you right now, maybe later."

No one is permitted to talk about going to each other's houses. It causes hurt feelings and THAT ONE I did tell the parents. Kids CANNOT talk about going to another's house until they are in their car and gone. The parents understood since it was causing meltdowns here, which was totally ridiculous because the parents just couldn't say no not today, and hurt feelings of other children.

I just give them the phrase to use as soon as they start in with the I'm not your friend and it seems to cut it out quickly for the kiddos that are new here. It is no issue for anyone who has been here 2+ months. I tell them, "We can't talk about that." when they bring up other people's houses. Some of them think it's a "bad word" ::...I never said it was, but since we can't talk about it here they seem to think so.

[Cat Herder]

Yep. Welcome to my world. :hug:

Here are todays books.... :::::: We will do them weekly for a month or two.

[Play Care]

I do it myself here. No one is permitted to say, "I'm not your friend." They CAN say, "I don't want to play with you right now, maybe later."

No one is permitted to talk about going to each other's houses. It causes hurt feelings and THAT ONE I did tell the parents. Kids CANNOT talk about going to another's house until they are in their car and gone. The parents understood since it was causing meltdowns here, which was totally ridiculous because the parents just couldn't say no not today, and hurt feelings of other children.

I just give them the phrase to use as soon as they start in with the I'm not your friend and it seems to cut it out quickly for the kiddos that are new here. It is no issue for anyone who has been here 2+ months. I tell them, "We can't talk about that." when they bring up other people's houses. Some of them think it's a "bad word" ::...I never said it was, but since we can't talk about it here they seem to think so.

I do the same thing, but I'm having trouble curbing it by myself. At the same time, I have some parents thinking this isn't "normal" or the child isn't being "nice" (which they are not, buuut, it is normal) I think I may get strict with them and go over the rules again but then do a TO if I hear it? Usually I just remind the perp what they CAN say (ie "I don't want to play right now").

[Play Care]

Yep. Welcome to my world. :hug:

Here are todays books.... :::::: We will do them weekly for a month or two.

THANK YOU!!!! I thought you has posted about this yesterday and was hoping you'd chime in

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I do the same thing, but I'm having trouble curbing it by myself. At the same time, I have some parents thinking this isn't "normal" or the child isn't being "nice" (which they are not, buuut, it is normal) I think I may get strict with them and go over the rules again but then do a TO if I hear it? Usually I just remind the perp what they CAN say (ie "I don't want to play right now").

I always just throw out there what I do. :: It works here.

I send them to an alternate activity if they use those phrases as they aren't nice ones, like you said, and I want them to not be used here. I set up that child with a tabletop activity OR I switch their group, depending on what I feel will be more effective for that child. I have one that LOVES playing alone just as much as he does with buddies, but he can make a buddy anywhere. So, for that one I will set up a tabletop activity and send all the buddies to the other room to play in a big group. At that point, he is NOT content to play alone and it makes a lasting impression because it isn't his CHOICE to be alone and play. Clear as mud?

Do your parents tend to take your word on what is normal and what is not? Could you simply tell them, "Saying ___ is very normal for this age but we are trying to eliminate that phrase as it is not very nice. If you could tell them _____ at home when they say it, so they are consistently being told the same thing, that would be great! "

[Cat Herder]

I have many "bully" books, too.... but now I am hearing that is not appropriate. One ratings inspector says yes... the other says no.

It is my responsibility to teach them not to bully.

It is my responsibility to teach them to stand up to bullies.

It is my responsibility to teach them to tell an adult when they are being bullied.

It is my responsibility to teach them they don't deserve to be bullied.

BUT we can't let the kids "label" their bully because "No child is a bully."

Do mythical bullies hide under beds at night now? IDK. I am at a loss on how to proceed with the bigger picture....

[Play Care]

I have many "bully" books, too.... but now I am hearing that is not appropriate. One ratings inspector says yes... the other says no.

It is my responsibility to teach them not to bully.

It is my responsibility to teach them to stand up to bullies.

It is my responsibility to teach them to tell an adult when they are being bullied.

It is my responsibility to teach them they don't deserve to be bullied.

BUT we can't let the kids "label" their bully because "No child is a bully."

Do mythical bullies hide under beds at night now? IDK. I am at a loss on how to proceed with the bigger picture....

::::::