Can 2 YO Learn Binky Is Not Welcome At My House?

[Kindermom]

I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!

[Blackcat31]

I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!

You can try but I doubt it will get anywhere if mom is just doing the opposite at home.

I won't work with families that don't share the same parenting philosophies as I do for this very reason.

I don't want to spend my day in a power struggle with someone else's child because of that child's parent.

As a parent, if I wanted my DD to have a paci and the provider tried to take it away against my wishes, I would be livid.

If this is something you can't live with, then tell mom to take it away. If she refuses and you don't want the child to have it in your house, then let the family go so they can find care that better matches their parenting styles.

There are some behaviors that are super easy to "cure" or "fix" at daycare but comfort items or attachments like that are an area I WILL NOT venture into.

Pretty soon it becomes a battle that does nothing but make every party miserable and has no winners.

[Play Care]

I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!

I don't allow children to have paci's anywhere but in bed. Period. This goes for any comfort object (blankies, special stuffies, etc) I make this clear during the interview, so I would have no issue taking the paci as dcg came in and putting it up for bedtime. But my policy is crystal clear and I make a point to highlight it at interview.

[Shell]

Agree that if they're not doing it at home, it's going to be difficult at daycare. I currently have one boy just like yours. Parents aren't willing to tackle it yet, so neither am I. He's the only one that needs his all day long- not even the infants use theirs. I posted about it last week, but I used to have a dcm that allowed her child to walk around with a blanket and pacifier at all times. He had no coping skills- always ran to that stuff when he was upset, scared, tired, etc. I would take it away, he would scream forever, dcm would pick up and immediately give it to him. I wound up terming them for other reasons, but at age 3.5 the boy went to a center and had no choice but to give it up. With my current dcb, I am just letting it be for now. Dcm sees pictures on my daycare site, and his got that pacifier in every picture. She's made comments, so I think she's beginning to see the issue. With yours, you may need to tell her you are having trouble understanding her, and keep it for nap only. Although if dcm keeps spoiling her, you may never win this one!

[Annalee]

I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!

I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.

[Cat Herder]

I have a couple here that have them at home, one is almost 4

They don't have them here. It has not been an issue since nobody has them here, not even the baby dolls.

It is part of my infection control policy.

[sally]

At 1 point I had 3 kids here with pacifiers. 2 were dcbs and 1 was my dd. My dd gave hers up on her own before she was 9 months, the other 2 dcbs were 2 and would drop them and try putting each other's in their mouths. That's when I said no more pacifiers except at nap. The parents would pop them in their mouths at pick up and couldn't believe that they didn't use them during the day. Finally I quit giving them at nap and after a while the parents learned to stop bringing them. If they still give them at home-I have no idea. I just know what worked for me and what didn't.

[NightOwl]

I've had several that come in with a paci and immediately hand it over. They don't ask for it at all, all day long. Then mom walks in to pick up and the very first thing the dck says is "PACI!!!" Mom hands it over and the dck keeps it constantly until the next morning when they return. So yes, it's totally possible.

[Play Care]

I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.

[renodeb]

To be honest, she is doing that girl a bigger injustice by letting her have it. Her teeth will really be effected by having a paci 24/7. Most all the kids I have had here either get weaned from the paci or just know its for home only. I once had a 4 y/o come to my home with a paci. After a lot of pushing the parents they finally agreed to get rid of it. I think its fine to have diffrent rules for home and dc but parents don't always agree. Good luck with this parent

[Blackcat31]

I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.

I also have kids who do things one way at home but another way here and it's usually not an issue but I said it probably would be in this situation simply based off of what OP said about what the DCM said about spoiling her child...kwim?

[Laurel]

I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.

Have had several times where this happened just like this.

Laurel

[Annalee]

I also have kids who do things one way at home but another way here and it's usually not an issue but I said it probably would be in this situation simply based off of what OP said about what the DCM said about spoiling her child...kwim?

[Sunshine74]

I've had several that come in with a paci and immediately hand it over. They don't ask for it at all, all day long. Then mom walks in to pick up and the very first thing the dck says is "PACI!!!" Mom hands it over and the dck keeps it constantly until the next morning when they return. So yes, it's totally possible.

Yep, this exactly. When they start in our class at around 2, we only use it for nap for a few weeks, and that is only I'd the child us having trouble sleeping without it. Otherwise it stays in their cubby until they go home. We have 2 dcg's who ask for it as soon as they get into the hallway where the cubbies are with their parents- but never say a word about it all day.

[Kindermom]

Thanks everyone for your input. I really don't know why I let myself get so stressed about it, but I feel so much better after reading your posts back, just feeling like someone else gets it and what it is like to deal with dcf's and kids. After reading a few replies this morning, we ended up having a great rest of the morning/afternoon.

I tried giving her a substitute one since hers was ripped in two places and I was worried about choking. She refused it, and even fell asleep for her morning nap without it since she threw it out of her p&p bc it wasn't the "right one".

I will discuss with mom. She is a school teacher, so I am thinking Christmas break would be the perfect time, but it's not up to me, so we will see.

I hope I didn't paint a negative picture about this family or myself in my OP. I think the issues (other than paci) have been building up. But like I said, somehow getting this all out has made me feel like I can stop sweating the small stuff, so thank you all for listening and helping =)