How To Get Toddler To Even Touch A Spoon And Fork

[Hunni Bee]

My daughter is 15 months old. She has a wonderful appetite, and I refuse to start giving her snack-y finger food mess but I'm also sick of hand feeding her. Plus I cook a lot of one-pot stuff, which is not finger food.

She refuses to use utensils. Screams and cries, tries to fling the food off her tray, etc. The only way she will is if I get stern and do hand-over-hand and she realizes thats the only way its getting to her mouth. But she goes back to shoveling in it with her hands as soon as I let her go.

She also eats way too fast. If she's self feeding she just scoops it with both hands. If I'm feeding her and I don't pile it in, she screams. (Shes been getting a lot of her meals finished early because of tantrums at the table.) I feel like if she has to use a spoon, it'll force her to slow down. I think she knows this

How can I get her to use spoons and forks, or even try without screaming?

[daycare]

My daughter is 15 months old. She has a wonderful appetite, and I refuse to start giving her snack-y finger food mess but I'm also sick of hand feeding her. Plus I cook a lot of one-pot stuff, which is not finger food.

She refuses to use utensils. Screams and cries, tries to fling the food off her tray, etc. The only way she will is if I get stern and do hand-over-hand and she realizes thats the only way its getting to her mouth. But she goes back to shoveling in it with her hands as soon as I let her go.

She also eats way too fast. If she's self feeding she just scoops it with both hands. If I'm feeding her and I don't pile it in, she screams. (Shes been getting a lot of her meals finished early because of tantrums at the table.) I feel like if she has to use a spoon, it'll force her to slow down. I think she knows this

How can I get her to use spoons and forks, or even try without screaming?

She still nursing ??

[Heidi]

I would not expect a 15 month old to confidently use a spoon or fork. I would certainly offer one, but expect a lot of finger-feeding.

Bib her up, give her small portions and then refill. Deal with the mess. They wash....::

What's worse, a little mess or a daily fight?

[Indoorvoice]

My dd is 20 months and just started using utensils semi properly. I think 15 months is a little young to expect them to get the hang of utensils. There are a lot of steps involved. Certainly offer them, but I wouldn't expect her to use them the right way. IME, the less you force and expect them to do something, the more they are apt to try it on their own. Babies also learn a lot about food by touching it and making a mess!

[Josiegirl]

I agree with the above. Right now I have a 14 mo who mostly throws stuff, especially if she doesn't like it or she's getting full. I put a toddler spoon on the tray, then her food(not even a plate cause that'd go flying too). I feed her very little myself, yogurt or applesauce might be the only 2 things I'll feed her. The other day we had yogurt and I fed her some, plus she'd attempt with her spoon with a little guidance. But most everything else I just let her go at it.

[racemom]

I agree with the above. Right now I have a 14 mo who mostly throws stuff, especially if she doesn't like it or she's getting full. I put a toddler spoon on the tray, then her food(not even a plate cause that'd go flying too). I feed her very little myself, yogurt or applesauce might be the only 2 things I'll feed her. The other day we had yogurt and I fed her some, plus she'd attempt with her spoon with a little guidance. But most everything else I just let her go at it.

This is how I do it with all of my infants/young toddlers. Everything is placed on the tray (no plates) and they are given a spoon. I show them how to use it, but no pressure. Everyone eventually gets it! It is okay if they eat with their hands and get messy. I would not let this become a battle, she will start using the spoon, and right now knows it's a big deal so is showing her independence by refusing to use it. Kwim?

Edited to add: I let them eat everything like this, except applesauce and yougurt. With those things I hold the cup and let them put the spoon in and help get it to their mouth. This is something they like and will try to use the spoon. But everything else they can use their hands. It doesn't have to be finger foods, mine eat all meals this way. Yes it is messy, but they are washable. If it is something especially messy, like spaghetti or stew, I take their shirts off and they do a big bib only.

[Hunni Bee]

No she doesn't nurse. I fell off that train many moons ago.

And its not the mess I'm worried about. Its the shoveling of food into her mouth. She can completely done in 6-8 minutes. Her teeth are coming in really slowly, and sorry to be gross, but I am finding chunks of unchewed food in her diaper. If i only give her a little at a time, cue screaming.

BC had utensils ned in another thread that she gets her toddlers to use utensils right after they get on table food. And from what I've seen from my daughter, I believe shes capable of using a spoon but refuses to.

[SignMeUp]

A couple of thoughts:
If she's cramming food in her mouth and not chewing well, is it possible that she is too hungry by lunch time? Maybe get her started a bit earlier when you are getting things ready?
Could you give her just a few bites at a time, whether for finger food or to eat with a spoon? Maybe give her a spoon to hold, whether or not she uses it.

I usually give my babies a (short) toddler spoon to hold while I spoon-feed them with an infant spoon. Once they start using their spoon to scoop, I start backing off spoon-feeding them.

[Cradle2crayons]

No she doesn't nurse. I fell off that train many moons ago.

And its not the mess I'm worried about. Its the shoveling of food into her mouth. She can completely done in 6-8 minutes. Her teeth are coming in really slowly, and sorry to be gross, but I am finding chunks of unchewed food in her diaper. If i only give her a little at a time, cue screaming.

BC had utensils ned in another thread that she gets her toddlers to use utensils right after they get on table food. And from what I've seen from my daughter, I believe shes capable of using a spoon but refuses to.

If it were me, I'd give her a few bites at a time and let her scream. She'll eventually stop. If you give in to her screaming related to food, then she'll soon realize she can scream and get her way.

I'd give her a spoon. If she throws her plate, don't give her one at all. Give her a spoon, and if you serve what has to have a spoon, then give her finger type foods instead.

[Hunni Bee]

Well we did pretty good tonight. I hand over handed the spoon a few times, then just put the food on the spoon and handed it to her, and wonder of wonders!! She managed it. I didn't push it, and anytime she started attacking the spoon/plate/me I just stopped until she was calm again.

I don't care that she uses the spoon correctly so much as she slows down some. I figure with a toddler size spoon she can't do too much cramming.

C2C, I was trying to avoid so much foolishness at the table so I admit I was giving in on giving her the whole plate. I'll start giving her smaller amounts. Like you said, she'll get over it.

[Heidi]

Well we did pretty good tonight. I hand over handed the spoon a few times, then just put the food on the spoon and handed it to her, and wonder of wonders!! She managed it. I didn't push it, and anytime she started attacking the spoon/plate/me I just stopped until she was calm again.

I don't care that she uses the spoon correctly so much as she slows down some. I figure with a toddler size spoon she can't do too much cramming.

C2C, I was trying to avoid so much foolishness at the table so I admit I was giving in on giving her the whole plate. I'll start giving her smaller amounts. Like you said, she'll get over it.

Probably 6 weeks ago, my 15 mo dcb still screamed and yelled as soon as he was sitting and I was plating food. Then, he'd cram it down in five seconds and yell for more. I started holding is plate out away from him and say "shh....I will give you your food when you stop yelling". If he increased, I'd move him away from the table to the furthest corner of the room. I'd say "we don't yell at the table. When you are done, you can come sit down". It took a couple weeks of this consistently. He learned very quickly; you're NOT getting food for acting like that. I was matter-a-fact about it, kind of shrugging, like "so sorry".

Now, he sits in his chair (toddler table), puts his hand on his lap (like they all do) and waits (ok..once in a while he slips a hand up...) until everyone is served. Then, I say "Bon Apetit" (and the oldest, 21 months, says "GO!", which she came up with on her own) and they eat. NO WHINING! I cannot tell you what a miracle this is!

I do have to remind him sometimes "little bites". He sometimes crams. He hold his spoon or fork in one hand, and mostly eats with his other, but hey, I don't expect perfection. Just no drama, please!

I had a brunch today for all the families. Mom and he were the first to arrive, while I was still finishing brunch. Mom offered to help, but he's whining right away. She says "Can I give him a little snack?" Um, no! 3 more toddlers are arriving with their families any minute, and half the food isn't done yet. He is not snacking. He can wait 15 minutes.

[Elko]

Ooh I like the idea of moving the screamer away! We have one, and it's been driving us bonkers...

My mother-in-law suggested the 2-spoon approach too, and it seemed to work for us (one for you to feed her with, one for her to clutch in her hand and wave the food around with, eventually she'll get more interested in it and start using it herself).

I think the food-cramming is normal for that age, and does take some patience on your part to make sure she takes it slow. It is possible she's hungry by then, so you could adjust lunchtime, but it sounds like just putting in the effort to focus on slowing her down is working! And you'll probably just have to wait for more molars to come in before the food in the diapers becomes less recognizable