How Attached Do You Become?

[Controlled Chaos]

I let one little girl in my heart too deeply once and my heart still aches when I think if her (terrible family situation, I called cps several times). I have learned healthy detachment, I care for them very much but I no longer worry about the choices their parents are making, I don't have angst over their milestones or lack there of. I look at them more with an academic approach now. I sleep better at night and focus better on my children during off hours.

[Controlled Chaos]

I let one little girl in my heart too deeply once and my heart still aches when I think if her (terrible family situation, I called cps several times). I have learned healthy detachment, I care for them very much but I no longer worry about the choices their parents are making, I don't have angst over their milestones or lack there of. I look at them more with an academic approach now. I sleep better at night and focus better on my children during off hours.

[AuntTami]

Thanks for your responses everyone! It's great to know that I'm not alone in my feelings for this DCB! I don't think of him as "my child" since I don't HAVE any children, but I do love him as if he was my NEPHEW, since I have plenty of those! I'm already dreading the day he goes to kindy, and he's only 15 mos! I feel like me NOT having any children is probably part of the problem and part of why I love him so much already. We spend 10 hours a day together. I put him to bed at night, so I feel like I'm "parenting" him since I don't have my own to parent, and believe me when I tell you, I have baby fever BAD! We can't financially afford to have a child right now, so we've put that off for a while, but I have that NEED to love and nurture someone, and my dogs just aren't doing it for me. Is that inappropriate?

All the children in my care get loved and cared for exactly the same, no one gets special treatment when everyone is here. But, when it's just him and I, yeah he gets spoiled a little bit more.

I'm really struggling with the line between professional and personal with him. His mom is a younger mom(20) and I'm only 27. She is my baby sisters age, and her son is my actual nephews age, so our working relationship has transformed almost into a mutual friendship. We don't hang out outside of daycare or anything, but we text each other throughout the day/week, mostly about how DCB is doing, and we chat for a few minutes at pick up each evening.

I wish I had two more families just like her and her son, because they're absolutely PERFECT! She goes along with anything I need, she never complains, she always pays on time, she picks up on time, she drops off on time, her son is SO well behaved and SO cute. I absolutely do not have one single complaint about this family, expect maybe I wish they had 3 children instead of just 1 so my group would be full LOL He's really forming an attachment to me as well, and that makes it even harder for me to not fall in love with him. His face lights up when he sees me, and he's constantly crawling into my lap to read a book or snuggle with me for a few minutes, and he gives me kisses every night before I put him to bed(mom works second shift)....I know it's going to rip my heart right out of my chest if/when he ever leaves, and that terrifies me.

[Jack Sprat]

We (my family) are very attached to one little guy in our daycare. He was my first, his parents are amazing and so is he. He is very much like a 4th child for DH and I. I will cry and be a mess when he starts school. I love all the others but, this guy holds a special place for sure.

[Stepping]

I find I get more attached to the ones I have had since they were babies. I'm fond of them all but there's something about having cared for them and watched them grow that makes them a little more special than the others.

It also helps if I like the parents too

[Mike]

I feel like me NOT having any children is probably part of the problem and part of why I love him so much already.
.....
but I have that NEED to love and nurture someone, and my dogs just aren't doing it for me. Is that inappropriate?

That's my situation too, so I fully understand it. I don't have any children either. I was engaged once and we had plans to have many kids, but during the engagement, she met another guy. Indirectly, I need to love and nurture someone too, but to be more accurate for myself, I need to be needed. I don't think it's inappropriate.

I took my cousin and her 5 kids out this evening so she could do some shopping. We were running a little late and her youngest one, 7, was getting a little grumpy. Between the mother, her 16 year old son, and myself, we spent 15 minutes trying to calm her down. Guess who did it? Me. I figured out the right thing to say to her and she calmed down, then wanted me to hold her. I picked her up and she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head against mine. I kissed her on the cheek and said "grumpy or not, I will always love you". Put her back down a few minutes later and she was fine for the rest of the shopping.

Times like that are the happiest moments of my life.

[Play Care]

I really love kids kindergarten age and younger. Love to be around them. Understand them. Speak their language. Have worked with young kids for 30 years....they are my life! That said, I enjoy them, they bring me much happiness, but I do not get deeply, emotionally attached.

Minus the 30 years, THIS.
The other day I tried to think of if I ever had a "favorite" dck. And honestly, I could not think of one child I've had in 10 years that was a "favorite." I like them when they are here, but don't mind when they go. It's a natural process - they come to me and then "graduate" to school.
Several years ago a provider I think very highly of let me know that "the only kids she LOVED are her own" and honestly? That's how I feel as well.