How Attached Do You Become?

[AuntTami]

How attached do you become to your daycare kids? Are they just fun little kids, or do you think of them as your own flesh and blood? Or somewhere in the middle? I'm just kind of wondering where everyone stands on the emotions involving their dck's and how much they "love" them...

For instance, my full time DCB is the sweetest, cutest little boy and I love having him here. I told his mother yesterday that he's "like my nephew"... But I have a couple part timers that I have fun with while they're here, and they're super cute, but they're not "family" in the way my FT DCB is... Does that make any sense? I *guess* it would make him like a "favorite" (even though I DONT have a favorite!) I'm just wondering how far you extend your love? Do you cross into that "feeling like family" area or do you strictly keep it at "she's a really cute and fun kid and I enjoy having her around" level?

[Josiegirl]

After being burned a couple(hundred) times I try to keep my emotions at bay.
I had a dcb from 4 months till 3 1/2, lost him and his baby brother to a nanny. I cried buckets over that one and actually made myself sick. Another dcf asked if I'd care for their dcg for 9 days when they were gone. I said sure. OMG when they came home it was like turning over my own child. Then a year later when I took a few weeks off for maternity leave, dcm told me they were staying with the new dcprovider. I was heartbroken.
So yeh, I feel sad when they leave, some more than others. I have lots of fun with them while they're here and I care about them, but not like my own. Besides, always in the back of my mind now, I'm thinking a dcf can change plans at the drop of a hat.

[Butter Biskets]

I have one that I love, but not in the it's my child, real love, kind of way. She is my favorite and I would even take her after hours if I was available. There is just something about that girl if you know what I mean. The others, meh, I like them and all, but I can't say that I am attached to them or anything. I wouldn't take them after hours unless I really needed the money. That being said, I don't think that I would cry if my favorite (but I don't have favorites, ) ever left. As bad as it sounds, the kids are my job and there will be others. This one is just special.

[KidGrind]

I get attached.

I get my career is to provide a safe and nurturing place for the kids. I know the parents as soon as they get a better deal or more convenient situation they will bounce. I get it.

Yet, most of the little ones that cross my doorway wiggle their way into my heart. There has been one or two that I’ve been like, “Buh Bye!” The rest I will ugly cry when I know they are moving on. There are two that I can actually type I love them as if they’re my own. I know they are not mine. And I know I am paid to provide care. Yet, if I won Lotto tomorrow. I’d keep them part-time for free.

[BumbleBee]

Let me preface this by saying that all of the children I provide care for are well cared for while they are in my home.

As far as attachment goes, the completely honest answer is, it depends on my relationship with the child's parents.

If the parents and I have a great business relationship then I tend to be more attached to their child(ren).

If the parents and I do not have a great business relationship I am not as attached to their child(ren).

Every once and awhile I have a child who I form an attachment with even though the parents and I do not have a great business relationship. Those situations are tough for me.

[TickleMonster]

I love my little ones but I do not get attached and think of them as my own anymore. I have in the past. I had 3 little boys (all brothers) that I just adored and one little girl who I loved so much that I would have cared for 24/7 if mom would have let me. After both families left, even though both were on great terms, I bawled my eyes out and felt depressed for weeks. It was over a year before I could look at their pics without crying. So no, I refuse to get that attached anymore.

[kitykids3]

I do get attached. Not as much as I used to, when my first family left i was heartbroken, and have been times since then. I do get very attached to the children and love them, but not the parents. The hardest part of this job is caring for a child for years and them leaving. But the benefits far outweigh that.

[midaycare]

I get attached. I will admit I get attached to some more than others, but I do care for all of them. I have a preference for dcb's over dcg's, but all of the kids here are really cool

[Sunchimes]

My first dc child was here from the time she was 6 months old until she left for school last month, at 4 years old. For most of the first couple of years, she was the only child, sometimes one of 2. She was ours. I took that child into my heart. I hated the idea of sending her to school. I even offered to change my program to a pre-k program. Mom wisely decided that she had me wrapped around her little finger and the child needed to learn about other adults. It was a good choice, I see that now. It hasn't been too hard so far, because I still have her little brother and see her twice a day. But, he leaves for school in January, and I won't be seeing her anymore. It's breaking my heart.

That said, I saw the mess my heart was getting into a long time ago, and I vowed not to make them my own anymore. I love my daycare kids like grandkids, I can't help it. But they aren't part of my heart now. I love them, will always love them, but I'm able to let them go when it's time. Luckily, I've never parted on bad terms with a parent, so I can still see them around town, on FB, and we all hug and enjoy the visit. It was a hard lesson that little girl taught me, but a valuable one. Love them, don't adopt them.

Now though, I have a new baby. A teensie micro-preemie that mom has declared "our baby". I can already feel my heart slipping into that same place. Hubby has already fallen into the trap and I find myself telling him to put her down, it's ok if she cries for a few minutes. If he had his way, she would never be in a swing or crib. :: I'm afraid that I may have to do this job until this child goes to high school, because he isn't going to let her go. I'm not sure I can let her go either. But you know what? I don't think I could like myself much if I didn't love my kids.

Midaycare, I'm just the opposite. I much prefer girls over boys. I would like to be a girls only dc, but since I do special needs, that isn't going to happen. Something like 90% of the ECI kids are boys. It was just a miracle that I got this new little girl.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Let me preface this by saying that all of the children I provide care for are well cared for while they are in my home.

As far as attachment goes, the completely honest answer is, it depends on my relationship with the child's parents.

If the parents and I have a great business relationship then I tend to be more attached to their child(ren).

If the parents and I do not have a great business relationship I am not as attached to their child(ren).

Every once and awhile I have a child who I form an attachment with even though the parents and I do not have a great business relationship. Those situations are tough for me.

I am the same. Although, I do not love any. I like them. Care for them. Don't love them.

[daycarediva]

I get attached.

I get my career is to provide a safe and nurturing place for the kids. I know the parents as soon as they get a better deal or more convenient situation they will bounce. I get it.

Yet, most of the little ones that cross my doorway wiggle their way into my heart. There has been one or two that I’ve been like, “Buh Bye!” The rest I will ugly cry when I know they are moving on. There are two that I can actually type I love them as if they’re my own. I know they are not mine. And I know I am paid to provide care. Yet, if I won Lotto tomorrow. I’d keep them part-time for free.

Yup. I ugly cry over most of them. Can't help it at all.

[Kelly]

I am definitely attached to my current dcb. I feel like his grandma--his mom is about the age of my own kids and I'll never have any grandkids. He's the only one I have right now. He started here 2 years ago when he was 7 months. He had been shaken by his dad at 4 months and had some delays, was getting physical therapy, etc. (He is fine now.) I know someday he'll leave and I don't even like to think about it. I worked in a daycare center 30 years ago and still get sad when I think about one of the little girls there that I got attached to. I'm sure it will be the same way with this dcb.

[nannyde]

Yup. I ugly cry over most of them. Can't help it at all.

Ugly cryer here too. When they are going to Kindy I start grieving in February! I can't imagine my life without them.

[Unregistered]

I really love kids kindergarten age and younger. Love to be around them. Understand them. Speak their language. Have worked with young kids for 30 years....they are my life! That said, I enjoy them, they bring me much happiness, but I do not get deeply, emotionally attached.

[SignMeUp]

I cry when some of them leave too. But many keep in touch as they grow up
Some are among my friends now. It's funny when they tell other people how we know each other