Quiet, Willful Disobedience

[Hunni Bee]

I have a 4 year old dcg, very cute and mostly mild-mannered. But she does what she wants, when she wants.

Lately, she has been just quietly disobeying rules and ignoring things I ask her to do. If I ask the children to clean up, she'll just calmly continue playing or take out more toys. If we are doing an activity, she'll just walk away and go do something else. If we're waiting for everyone to be served before we eat, she just quietly picks up her fork and begins eating. When disciplined, she looks up at me with her big green eyes and then skips off to do the same thing again.

I didn't say anything for a while because I couldn't tell if maybe she hadn't heard me or what. But after observing, I can tell she understands perfectly and knows all the rules, but chooses not to follow them if she doesn't want to.

What she does is not something that derails the whole class or anything, but its not a behavior I like. Do I keep correcting her or let it go?

[Leigh]

I have a 4 year old dcg, very cute and mostly mild-mannered. But she does what she wants, when she wants.

Lately, she has been just quietly disobeying rules and ignoring things I ask her to do. If I ask the children to clean up, she'll just calmly continue playing or take out more toys. If we are doing an activity, she'll just walk away and go do something else. If we're waiting for everyone to be served before we eat, she just quietly picks up her fork and begins eating. When disciplined, she looks up at me with her big green eyes and then skips off to do the same thing again.

I didn't say anything for a while because I couldn't tell if maybe she hadn't heard me or what. But after observing, I can tell she understands perfectly and knows all the rules, but chooses not to follow them if she doesn't want to.

What she does is not something that derails the whole class or anything, but its not a behavior I like. Do I keep correcting her or let it go?

I would not let that go. If she refuses to clean up, I'd pick her up and move her away from toys and tell her "no more toys until after lunch (or whenever) because you didn't clean up when you were told". If she picks up her fork first, serve her last, and don't give her a fork until everyone else has been served. If she does the same thing after being disciplined, then repeat the consequence as much as necessary. This child needs consistency, it seems, and you need to make sure that EVERY instance is dealt with.

[SignMeUp]

For picking up, I would leave a specific set of toys (hopefully something she used) for her to clean up. "WHEN you've picked up, THEN we can play outside".

For eating, I think I'd agree with PP and hand her the utensil at the last moment.

For missing an activity -- SHE is missing an activity. Don't let her do it later so as not to miss out. Don't allow other things out. Encourage your other kids to stay, because it's fun

[Play Care]

I would not let that go. If she refuses to clean up, I'd pick her up and move her away from toys and tell her "no more toys until after lunch (or whenever) because you didn't clean up when you were told". If she picks up her fork first, serve her last, and don't give her a fork until everyone else has been served. If she does the same thing after being disciplined, then repeat the consequence as much as necessary. This child needs consistency, it seems, and you need to make sure that EVERY instance is dealt with.

This. I've had a couple of these kids go through here.

[AmyKidsCo]

Honestly, after this week I'd prefer quiet disobedience to the constant arguing back!

Maybe try the opposite tack. Rather than give her extra attention, give her a logical consequence - "Oh, I only have stickers for children who helped clean up." Serve her plate last. If she tries the same thing again put her in a separate area with a book or puzzle until she's ready to follow the rules...