Feeling Like I'm Failing My Own Kids, Need Some Perspective Please

[hsdcmama]

I need some perspective on this, as I haven't been doing daycare all that long. I am so, SO stressed out, run down, exhausted, and feeling like I am failing my own kids while doing daycare. It has been a much tougher transition from stay at home homeschooling mom to working over 50 hours a week mom than I thought it would be, and it's weird because even though I am working in my own home, with my kids here all day since we homeschool, I feel like we never get to spend any time together as a family. My kids have started acting up in ways that I know are because they aren't getting enough attention, but I just don't know what to do about it. It breaks my heart when my 4-year-old asks me every day, "Mommy can you play Legos with me?" And I have to tell him no because the Legos have to stay in the playroom (where all the choke-ables are), and mommy has to stay out here with the baby. Maybe I am being too sensitive, but I've been trying to fight past this feeling since I opened 9 months ago, and it just keeps getting worse. It's this crazy paradox where I am physically home with my family, but we don't get hardly any "family time", you know? I have not enjoyed these past 9 months, but financially I can't afford to close. Have any of you felt like this, and does it get better (please tell me it gets better) over time?

[cheerfuldom]

Deep breaths! we are all here for you!

What hours are you working? How many kids are you taking and what ages are they? How old are your own kids?

Are you having any issues with particular daycare kids or daycare parents?

What do support to you have at home outside of daycare hours? spouse? family or friends that can chip in with babysitting or outings for the kids? homeschool support group?

Maybe we can help with ideas and support. The transition is hard so we understand! I have four kids under 7 so I totally get your post. It is a lot harder than people think it is.

[Cradle2crayons]

I need some perspective on this, as I haven't been doing daycare all that long. I am so, SO stressed out, run down, exhausted, and feeling like I am failing my own kids while doing daycare. It has been a much tougher transition from stay at home homeschooling mom to working over 50 hours a week mom than I thought it would be, and it's weird because even though I am working in my own home, with my kids here all day since we homeschool, I feel like we never get to spend any time together as a family. My kids have started acting up in ways that I know are because they aren't getting enough attention, but I just don't know what to do about it. It breaks my heart when my 4-year-old asks me every day, "Mommy can you play Legos with me?" And I have to tell him no because the Legos have to stay in the playroom (where all the choke-ables are), and mommy has to stay out here with the baby. Maybe I am being too sensitive, but I've been trying to fight past this feeling since I opened 9 months ago, and it just keeps getting worse. It's this crazy paradox where I am physically home with my family, but we don't get hardly any "family time", you know? I have not enjoyed these past 9 months, but financially I can't afford to close. Have any of you felt like this, and does it get better (please tell me it gets better) over time?

Yes, it does get better. What helped me nd my kids was to communicate. Acknowledge their feelings. Plan things for after hours so they have something to look forward to..

.. "Sweetie, come give me a big hug!! You have been so patient sharing me with the daycare kids today. After everyone leaves, let's pack a picnic dinner and all go to the park!!"

With my two, I schedule separate time nd together time. Yes it's hard. Especially considering some weeks I've worked literally 7 dys in a week!!! My kids favorite thing is "mama date night" every other weekend, one child spends the night in my room on Friday night and the other on Saturday night. They get to pick the movie, we have popcorn and snacks in my bed. THEY LOVE THIS. Including my 11 year old daughter. Even though I don't get much rest becUse my daughter ends up sideways with her feet in my face . It means the world to them. Then during the weekend day, we do things together. They help plan what we do.

Just the excitement in planning and looking forward to it all week is ll my kids need to be patient. Of course, I throw in stuff in the afternoons too like playing basketball etc.

[hsdcmama]

Deep breaths! we are all here for you!

What hours are you working? How many kids are you taking and what ages are they? How old are your own kids?

Are you having any issues with particular daycare kids or daycare parents?

What do support to you have at home outside of daycare hours? spouse? family or friends that can chip in with babysitting or outings for the kids? homeschool support group?

Maybe we can help with ideas and support. The transition is hard so we understand! I have four kids under 7 so I totally get your post. It is a lot harder than people think it is.

My hours are 6-5:30, and right now I have a 5-year-old, 2-year-old (32 months), and 1-year-old (16 months).

2-year-old dcb is a potty-training nightmare; he has zero interest in using the potty, but his parents are firmly adamant that they will not go back to diapers. I even told the parents that I didn't think he was ready, he NEVER tells me if he needs to go potty, so all day long I feel like I do nothing but monitor this kid's bladder.

My other 2 kids are siblings, with great parents, no issues so far there.

After daycare, my kids have karate 2 days a week, and we have church praise band practice every other Wednesday. The karate days are really hard, because we leave the minute dc closes, and don't get home again until 7:45. Usually my husband will come right home and take them so I can get dinner started, and then I go pick up the older 2 when their class is done. It's nuts, but they all love karate so much, I know they would be upset if we made them quit.

Other than that, I just have no energy any more. When the dc day is done, all I want to do is curl up in bed and snuggle with my kids, but there is dinner to be cooked and dc messes to be cleaned up and laundry to be done and dishes to be washed... the list is endless. I am never "caught up". I get the kids in bed (usually not too gently anymore because I am so exhausted & just want to go to bed myself), and finally crash at about 11 every night. Then get back up at 5:30 to do it all again.

[CraftyMom]

I need some perspective on this, as I haven't been doing daycare all that long. I am so, SO stressed out, run down, exhausted, and feeling like I am failing my own kids while doing daycare. It has been a much tougher transition from stay at home homeschooling mom to working over 50 hours a week mom than I thought it would be, and it's weird because even though I am working in my own home, with my kids here all day since we homeschool, I feel like we never get to spend any time together as a family. My kids have started acting up in ways that I know are because they aren't getting enough attention, but I just don't know what to do about it. It breaks my heart when my 4-year-old asks me every day, "Mommy can you play Legos with me?" And I have to tell him no because the Legos have to stay in the playroom (where all the choke-ables are), and mommy has to stay out here with the baby. Maybe I am being too sensitive, but I've been trying to fight past this feeling since I opened 9 months ago, and it just keeps getting worse. It's this crazy paradox where I am physically home with my family, but we don't get hardly any "family time", you know? I have not enjoyed these past 9 months, but financially I can't afford to close. Have any of you felt like this, and does it get better (please tell me it gets better) over time?

It's tough! I have 3 kids myself and often feel the same way, like I have no time for them. In the beginning it was harder. What helped me was changing my hours and being choosy about the kids I enroll. If the kids don't mesh with my kids it just isn't going to work. I have to always be making a conscious effort to spend time with my kids during the day, and not to say any phrase about not being able to do things with them because of the daycare kids.

It gets easier, but I have to emphasize that a big part of it is having the right kids that are the right fit, including babies

[Play Care]

It's tough! I have 3 kids myself and often feel the same way, like I have no time for them. In the beginning it was harder. What helped me was changing my hours and being choosy about the kids I enroll. If the kids don't mesh with my kids it just isn't going to work. I have to always be making a conscious effort to spend time with my kids during the day, and not to say any phrase about not being able to do things with them because of the daycare kids.

It gets easier, but I have to emphasize that a big part of it is having the right kids that are the right fit, including babies

It IS hard, but don't make it harder than it has to be. Parents who want 2 yo potty trained? BUH-bye. Parents who need center hours? BUH-bye. For me the main benefit of this job is that it works for my needs. The second it doesn't things need to change.

[hope]

Those are some long hours. I suggest trimming down your day by starting with a later drop off time or earlier pick up time. Parents can make it work. Can you hire a sub for one day a month? Or maybe for two hours a week even. Taking a few hours out of your week to spend with just your own kids really helps. What is your nap time like? If all the dcks are napping at the same time you can spend nap time with your own kids.

[NeedaVaca]

Since financially you need the money, imagine if you didn't do daycare. You would work outside of the home and see your kids even less. You would still be tired from work and would have to come home to the evening routine/chores. Try to focus on the positive things. Cut out whatever is giving you the most stress-potty training dcb? Is he having accidents in your house? Pull ups until he is accident free for 2 weeks-this is not the parents decision, it's yours! Cut back hours?

Do as much as you can to make your nights easier. I will sometimes make several meals in a single day so that I have really easy dinner nights for my DD gymnastics nights. If I am making lasagne I make 2 and freeze one. Clean daycare throughout the day, do laundry during the day. I never do any daycare work in the evenings and I get a lot of my normal household chores done during the day.

[Butter Biskets]

I am feeling the EXACT SAME WAY as you (op)!!! It seems never ending doesn't it? I try to do someone else suggested, in reminding myself that other moms have to come home and do the same jobs, but for some reason it seems worse now that I am home. I think it is because we always have people coming to our homes every day and therefore it needs to be pristine for drop offs and pick ups. Other working mom's can let things slide and leave the dishes until later, but we can't, because we are quietly judged everyday for our house keeping and the environment that we are taking care of other peoples children in. I count down the days to the weekend so that I can finally have a break, but breaks never happen. There are always other commitments, deep cleaning to do, laundry, errands, etc. I can't offer any advice because I am in the same boat, but I hope it helps to know that there are people who are experiencing the same thing and are too tired to pack a dinner and go to the park to eat.

[cheerfuldom]

My hours are 6-5:30, and right now I have a 5-year-old, 2-year-old (32 months), and 1-year-old (16 months).

2-year-old dcb is a potty-training nightmare; he has zero interest in using the potty, but his parents are firmly adamant that they will not go back to diapers. I even told the parents that I didn't think he was ready, he NEVER tells me if he needs to go potty, so all day long I feel like I do nothing but monitor this kid's bladder.

My other 2 kids are siblings, with great parents, no issues so far there.

After daycare, my kids have karate 2 days a week, and we have church praise band practice every other Wednesday. The karate days are really hard, because we leave the minute dc closes, and don't get home again until 7:45. Usually my husband will come right home and take them so I can get dinner started, and then I go pick up the older 2 when their class is done. It's nuts, but they all love karate so much, I know they would be upset if we made them quit.

Other than that, I just have no energy any more. When the dc day is done, all I want to do is curl up in bed and snuggle with my kids, but there is dinner to be cooked and dc messes to be cleaned up and laundry to be done and dishes to be washed... the list is endless. I am never "caught up". I get the kids in bed (usually not too gently anymore because I am so exhausted & just want to go to bed myself), and finally crash at about 11 every night. Then get back up at 5:30 to do it all again.

I would insist that the parents provide diapers OR I would just spend the $10 a week for a pack and put him in diapers myself. You can still keep potty training him but now you can relax about cleaning up accidents. There is no way your current system will work and it is driving you crazy anyway.

What is the parents work schedule (the parents of the siblings)? Are you sure these parents need 11.5 hour of daycare each day?!?! I would start interviewing for a replacement for the two year old and look for someone that is on the same schedule as the siblings. you WILL burn out working your current hours. No one can sustain that for very long at all. That is too much with your household and schooling responsibilities.

[nannyde]

I had very strict rules in place to protect my sons home life. I had him on an opposite schedule when he was a baby. I did the evening shift also for the first 11 years of his life and had a firm 7 pm bedtime for the dc kids.

He never ate a meal with a dckid in his life... his room off limits etc. I wrote a blog on this. I can link it if you want.

Get strict to protect your childrens home life. You can still give the kids a great day.

[melilley]

I sometimes feel like this, but then it passes and I feel lucky to be able to stay home. I have an 11 year old dd and 2 year old ds. They both seem to enjoy having other kids here though.

As for the dck who isn't ready to potty train, that would be stressful and I would not put up with it! I, along with most of us here, have a policy on potty training, that way parents know what you will and won't do.

Here, in order for the kids to be able to wear underwear, they must be dry for 2 weeks at home and also must stay dry here. If not, no underwear! Im not going to ruin my things. Potty training can be stressful for some and it shouldn't be that way for the provider or child.

[AmyLeigh]

I completely understand how you feel,as I am in a similar boat. I homeschool my 5 yo, 8 yo and 11 yo. Thankfully, my dcks and their parents are great, so no complaints there. But after daycare, we have dance and gymnastics two nights a week, church activities two nights a week and on weekends. I grocery shop and run other errands the evenings my kids are in their classes, which frees up Saturday afternoons for us, which is our family time.
I agree that your hours are very long. Can you advertise for another family whose schedule matches one of the families you already have, thus shortening your day? Use your crock pot to cook meals, ask dh and even ds to assist in the housekeeping. My 5 yo dd is awesome at picking up toys, and my older children have chores that help me manage the basics. If I get behind, it's all hands on deck.
I would venture to say that if you really look at your day, you are spending more time with your children than you realize. Keep your head up, mama. You are doing a good job.

[hsdcmama]

i am feeling the exact same way as you (op)!!! It seems never ending doesn't it? I try to do someone else suggested, in reminding myself that other moms have to come home and do the same jobs, but for some reason it seems worse now that i am home. I think it is because we always have people coming to our homes every day and therefore it needs to be pristine for drop offs and pick ups. Other working mom's can let things slide and leave the dishes until later, but we can't, because we are quietly judged everyday for our house keeping and the environment that we are taking care of other peoples children in. I count down the days to the weekend so that i can finally have a break, but breaks never happen. There are always other commitments, deep cleaning to do, laundry, errands, etc. I can't offer any advice because i am in the same boat, but i hope it helps to know that there are people who are experiencing the same thing and are too tired to pack a dinner and go to the park to eat.

^^^ this.

[hsdcmama]

What is the parents work schedule (the parents of the siblings)? Are you sure these parents need 11.5 hour of daycare each day?!?! I would start interviewing for a replacement for the two year old and look for someone that is on the same schedule as the siblings. you WILL burn out working your current hours. No one can sustain that for very long at all. That is too much with your household and schooling responsibilities.

The siblings are only here from 7-5, and the 2-year-old is here from 6-3:30 or 4. It's not one family's hours in particular but a combination of the 2 that make it long. I will be changing my closing time to 5, because it really is just too difficult to rush right out the door on T & Th nights after the last dc kid leaves. Since I don't have anyone who stays till 5:30 it will be an easy change.

Unfortunately it is very, VERY hard to get any new kids in. Where I live there seems to be more dc providers than families who need them; I got a call last week from another dc lady in my area asking me to refer any kids I can't take to her bc she's having a hard time getting kids. The 2-year-old is in Pull-Ups; we tried the underwear thing for a bit, but after he pooped/peed in his undies, didn't tell me, and then stomped his pee-soaked self all over my couch & carpet I put a stop to that. I told dcd I am putting him in Pull-Ups until he is fully trained.