Labeling a Child as 'Bad' (OT/own Child)

[midaycare]

Ditto! Document everything right now before you forget - what he said, what you said, what the teacher said. When/how you tried to contact the teacher and what response (or lack thereof) there was, etc. It sounds like the teacher knows she's in the wrong and doesn't want to face it. She's basically bullying your child and it needs to stop.

[Meyou]

I would escalate this to the principal level with the reply you got from the teacher. I would insist on a meeting with the teacher and principal. Something is not quite right here and your ds is the one suffering. Even if he IS super naughty and needs a firm hand how she seems to be acting is far beyond what I find acceptable for school especially with the descriptions of the incidents.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

My son is 6, 1st grade, doing fantastic academically. He is socially immature and struggled in the beginning of K last year. Finished strong behaviorally, socially and academically. Great reports from school/K teacher. He is most likely ADD/ADHD or Aspergers. He will be going through testing in March (pediatrician and I are waiting until he is 7).

His teacher this year continually sends home 'bad day' notes. Nothing specific, general "struggled to be kind today". When pressed, she either never responds to the email or voicemail or it isn't productive.

EG. A child spit on my son during reading centers last week. Ds said he told her to stop. She continued to spit. My son moved, was reprimanded for moving on the carpet. He lost all of his 'dollars' (reward system). The spitter moved to be next to my son, was not reprimanded and spit on him again. My son then told the teacher, and was given a time out.

The teacher agreed with the chain of events, but said my son needs to learn how to handle conflict on his own and stop tattling. He was told not to move because he always does and moved anyway. The other child did not move to be closer to him, she moved to be away from the window.

Today ds said he got up to use the restroom before raising his hand. The teacher pointed it out to the entire class as 'DS'S NAME is having BAD BEHAVIOR AGAIN." He lost a ticket. Other kids are calling him the bad kid.

I have hearsay info from a classroom Mother, too. Ds is 'that kid' and is labeled as much.

Is this situation reparable? How would you go about this? I just feel like she doesn't like my kid. That happens, I get it. If it were child care, I could just find different care. I'm sure the school is not going to be behind a classroom change.

My Mama Bear hairs just stood up and I feel MAD. That is not acceptable. I would go to the Principal after each incident until either the teacher's behavior changes OR they move my child.

[Second Home]

This really upsets me because of all the problems my son had the last few years at his school , including a very bad teacher .

Teachers are supposed to be the advocate for the child , someone for the child to trust , to go to when they have a problem and need help . The teacher should not belittle a child or call them names , and I consider calling a child bad unacceptable .

You need to schedule a conference with the principle now , forget the teacher . You have already tried and she is not willing to do it in a timely manner .

Write down all the events as you may forget what happened in each incident . Document all the punishments your ds got but the others did not , ask why was only your child reprimanded . Why was your child not allowed to explain what happened .

Look into filing a formal report about the spitting and any other incidents . I have learned that just calling and talking to the teacher or principle can easily be ignored/forgotten the minute you leave the building . A paper trail is best .

[CraftyMom]

I wouldn't worry about the school not being ok with a classroom change. If that's what it takes for your son to be respected by his teacher then press for it, please!

My daughter was diagnosed in 1st grade with ADD, not hyper, just trouble with focusing. Since she is not hyper she often overlooked and felt bad about herself for not "getting it" the way everyone else did.

Over the years there have been 3 teachers that she really didn't click with. In every one of those years she struggled academically and would come home calling herself stupid, saying the teacher hated her, hating school, MAJOR meltdowns at homework time, the whole nine yards. She would have trouble focusing and needed help but was afraid to ask because "the teacher didn't like her" so she would silently be confused and lost interest and would drift off into daydreaming and her grades suffered. Instead of helping her the teachers were annoyed with her because she wasn't paying attention. Then when she did ask for help they were short tempered because they, and I now agree, didn't like her.

I looked into an IEP each of these years and was always told "let's wait and see, this is just a tough year". The following years she had teachers that she LOVED and did well, but still struggled with her ADD. Her grades were good enough that she wasn't failing, but still she was getting a lot of just passing grades, which only came after a HUGE amount of struggling with homework and constant prodding from home, not to mention how many meltdowns daily before and after school and fighting over homework.

She is now in 8th grade and I FINALLY put my foot down and INSISTED on an iep meeting after her worst year yet last year. Again they tried the "let's wait and see" bull. Not happening again.

Looking back, I wish I had known then what I know now...that these teachers were rough on her, and didn't like her. At the time I thought she was being overly sensitive, but looking back I see so much more clearly. Darn hindsight! I wish it was this clear back then! I only realized how much she struggled when my second daughter started school last year and I had something to compare it to. What my oldest daughter went through was not necessary and I have a HUGE amount of guilt that I will never get rid of.

Anyway, I believe the teacher really does not like your son and will make him hate school. It happens, the teacher isn't going to like everyone. She may even take out all her frustrations on him, just because.

I strongly urge you to call TODAY! Talk to the principal, talk to the superintendent of schools if you have to. Switch him to another class. If he does in fact have ADD/ADHD or if you suspect then I wouldn't wait to have him tested. My doctor does them at 6. If down the road you feel he needs an iep then insist on it, they will not suggest it to you, you have to press for it.

I always thought that the school was there to help and if they felt my daughter needed help they would tell me. I was so wrong. They did everything they could to skate around it for so long, It made me think my daughter was over reacting and just needed to try harder. These particular teachers were rough on her and looking back I see that during those years (2nd, 4th and 7th grades) she developed an extreme hate of school that could have been better if she had a better experience.

Don't wait until open house, definitely don't wait until the teacher conference. Do it now! I wish I did! I wish I had someone on the outside to tell me that this wasn't normal. I wish during those difficult years I had pressed for a different teacher. Like I said, Darn hindsight!

[CraftyMom]

And absolutely PUT IT IN WRITING!! If it is written they have to act! Another fact I did not know until this year!

[momofsix]

:hug:
You've already been given some great advice. The top things I agree with are
-skip meeting with the teacher. It's already gone too far with her. Go straight to the principal.
-demand he be switched to another teacher right away. This teacher already has her issues with him. Even if she were reprimanded by the principal-her feelings aren't going to change and any changes she did make would only be superficial.
-make sure your ds knows that you support him 100% and will stick up for him if he's being bullied
Good luck!

[KiddieCahoots]

:hug:
You've already been given some great advice. The top things I agree with are
-skip meeting with the teacher. It's already gone too far with her. Go straight to the principal.
-demand he be switched to another teacher right away. This teacher already has her issues with him. Even if she were reprimanded by the principal-her feelings aren't going to change and any changes she did make would only be superficial.
-make sure your ds knows that you support him 100% and will stick up for him if he's being bullied
Good luck!

.....

Crafty, thank you for sharing. That hit hard with me, as a kid I had very similar issues. Please don't beat yourself up, you are clearly a great momma bear!

[daycarediva]

Oh crafty that sounds all too familiar. I have had experience with ONE teacher bully with my oldest daughter- she is ahead of grade level, and this teacher called her stupid repeatedly. It went so far as for me to hide an audio recording device to get it on tape. DD had ZERO issues with other teachers before or after. Her classroom placement was immediately switched when I played that for the principal----and the teacher was a no-show to that meeting (not even knowing the 'proof' I had).

Ds has open house tonight and I will be speaking to the teacher then. If I am not 100% satisfied, I will be bringing my concerns to the principal immediately following that conversation.

I wish teachers could be more open about it. I am NOT meshing with this kid, and I think it would serve him better to have a different placement this year. Why is it taboo to NOT like a child? His teacher last year just adored him, and his classroom teachers assistant has become our weekend sitter!

I have had kids in care who I didn't click with at first, and I put in extra effort to get to know them and make that connection. I have also let children go because I COULDN'T bring myself to like them at all. (of course I never told parents that...)

Ds's behavior is NOT really bad/awful either. He is wiggly/fidgety, sensory seeking but we have really made progress and his last years teacher was awesome with tips to help and his behaviors all but eliminated with her support. (books, something to squeeze in his pocket, rule and schedule reminders before the next transition, etc) His previous teachers (K and prek, and me in a group care setting : all said he was very kind, polite, respectful, just wiggly. If you don't have the experience (and lets face it, patience) to deal with a more active/distracted child, everything they do will drive you batty.

[deliberateliterate]

I haven't read any of the responses or follow ups, but I'm so mad for you, and upset for your son.

The teachers in both my kids K and G1 class encourage the kids to react exactly how your son did in the face of bullying. Ask for the behavour to stop, remove yourself from the situation, then tell the teacher if it doesn't. It seems like your son is damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't.

The more I think about this, the angrier I become. I'm sure you are, but please insist on a parent/teacher meeting. UGH.

[CraftyMom]

.....

Crafty, thank you for sharing. That hit hard with me, as a kid I had very similar issues. Please don't beat yourself up, you are clearly a great momma bear!

[CraftyMom]

Oh crafty that sounds all too familiar. I have had experience with ONE teacher bully with my oldest daughter- she is ahead of grade level, and this teacher called her stupid repeatedly. It went so far as for me to hide an audio recording device to get it on tape. DD had ZERO issues with other teachers before or after. Her classroom placement was immediately switched when I played that for the principal----and the teacher was a no-show to that meeting (not even knowing the 'proof' I had).

Ds has open house tonight and I will be speaking to the teacher then. If I am not 100% satisfied, I will be bringing my concerns to the principal immediately following that conversation.

I wish teachers could be more open about it. I am NOT meshing with this kid, and I think it would serve him better to have a different placement this year. Why is it taboo to NOT like a child? His teacher last year just adored him, and his classroom teachers assistant has become our weekend sitter!

I have had kids in care who I didn't click with at first, and I put in extra effort to get to know them and make that connection. I have also let children go because I COULDN'T bring myself to like them at all. (of course I never told parents that...)

Ds's behavior is NOT really bad/awful either. He is wiggly/fidgety, sensory seeking but we have really made progress and his last years teacher was awesome with tips to help and his behaviors all but eliminated with her support. (books, something to squeeze in his pocket, rule and schedule reminders before the next transition, etc) His previous teachers (K and prek, and me in a group care setting : all said he was very kind, polite, respectful, just wiggly. If you don't have the experience (and lets face it, patience) to deal with a more active/distracted child, everything they do will drive you batty.

Let us know how it goes at open house

[Thriftylady]

I agree with letting us know. And remember we all standing with you!!

[BumbleBee]

How did the talk with the teacher go diva?

[daycarediva]

It didn't go well. She was very resistant to speaking to me about the issues, and said that if it was warranted, she would have contacted me. Ds's behavior changed when we got to the room. He got very quiet and sullen. The dollars are on a bulletin board, and each child's name/folder was OVERFLOWING. Ds has 1. When we walked by the dollars and the reward bin (they can use dollars to buy books, small toys, free play time in the classroom, no homework tickets, etc) ds said "I can't pick from the reward bin because I'm bad. Bad kids don't get to pick."

I started crying. I left the room (and left ds with dh) and went to go speak to the principal. He said the he was aware my ds was struggling- yet the teacher just said that it wasn't enough to warrant contacting ME to discuss?- I didn't send DS Friday. The principal called me and I told him my concerns, we have a meeting Tues.

I bumped into his K teacher on the way out and she asked how he liked first grade and I was honest. She told me this teacher just had a baby, came back from maternity and didn't want to return to work at all. She also has a history of having issues with certain kids other teachers didn't have issues with.

Dh and I have discussed private school. There is a catholic and a Montessori school close enough to transport ds to.