Labeling a Child as 'Bad' (OT/own Child)

[daycarediva]

My son is 6, 1st grade, doing fantastic academically. He is socially immature and struggled in the beginning of K last year. Finished strong behaviorally, socially and academically. Great reports from school/K teacher. He is most likely ADD/ADHD or Aspergers. He will be going through testing in March (pediatrician and I are waiting until he is 7).

His teacher this year continually sends home 'bad day' notes. Nothing specific, general "struggled to be kind today". When pressed, she either never responds to the email or voicemail or it isn't productive.

EG. A child spit on my son during reading centers last week. Ds said he told her to stop. She continued to spit. My son moved, was reprimanded for moving on the carpet. He lost all of his 'dollars' (reward system). The spitter moved to be next to my son, was not reprimanded and spit on him again. My son then told the teacher, and was given a time out.

The teacher agreed with the chain of events, but said my son needs to learn how to handle conflict on his own and stop tattling. He was told not to move because he always does and moved anyway. The other child did not move to be closer to him, she moved to be away from the window.

Today ds said he got up to use the restroom before raising his hand. The teacher pointed it out to the entire class as 'DS'S NAME is having BAD BEHAVIOR AGAIN." He lost a ticket. Other kids are calling him the bad kid.

I have hearsay info from a classroom Mother, too. Ds is 'that kid' and is labeled as much.

Is this situation reparable? How would you go about this? I just feel like she doesn't like my kid. That happens, I get it. If it were child care, I could just find different care. I'm sure the school is not going to be behind a classroom change.

[Thriftylady]

I would want a meeting with the teacher, principal and maybe couneslor. Your child may have some issues, but there is no reason for the teacher to blame him for everything. Also her calling him out in front of the whole class could start a bullying situation. I was on the receiving end of that in school, and it causes major issues to the one being bullied, I still suffer in some ways with the lingering effects. SHE has to change her behavior. It is true that sometimes people just don't "click" together, but she can't take it out on your son. Is there another teacher he can move to? Fight for him.

[Controlled Chaos]

I am sorry your son is struggling at school.
I would suggest a meeting with the teacher and possibly principal. Go into it with a "Let's come up with a plan". Try to make her part of your team. :hug:

[NeedaVaca]

Wow...I'm really upset just reading this! I would absolutely not tolerate that happening! I know kids need to learn to deal with things at school and we can't do everything but in this case I wouldn't be able to stop myself and would do everything in my power to have this resolved to my satisfaction.

Spitting is disgusting behavior and the other child SHOULD have been reprimanded! That is just insane to me that your ds got in trouble for moving instead of the spitting child! Yes, he needs to learn how to handle conflict and by telling the teacher he was doing it exactly right!

I feel like this teacher is a bully and 1st grade is important, if he hates it it could set the mood for the rest of his school years. As a matter of fact, spitting on someone is being a bully as well and my school has zero tolerance policy.

I would request a meeting with the teacher and principle and go from there.

[Thriftylady]

Wow...I'm really upset just reading this! I would absolutely not tolerate that happening! I know kids need to learn to deal with things at school and we can't do everything but in this case I wouldn't be able to stop myself and would do everything in my power to have this resolved to my satisfaction.

Spitting is disgusting behavior and the other child SHOULD have been reprimanded! That is just insane to me that your ds got in trouble for moving instead of the spitting child! Yes, he needs to learn how to handle conflict and by telling the teacher he was doing it exactly right!

I feel like this teacher is a bully and 1st grade is important, if he hates it it could set the mood for the rest of his school years. As a matter of fact, spitting on someone is being a bully as well and my school has zero tolerance policy.

I would request a meeting with the teacher and principle and go from there.

Actually it is considered assault. Ask any police officer!

[daycarediva]

I emailed her about today's note. She responded that we can discuss it at parent teacher conferences next month. Sorry, but a MONTH is far too long to let this continue. If Ds is disrespectful, struggling, not following directions or anything else SPECIFIC I would ABSOLUTELY back her. He NEEDS to listen to his teacher, be kind, polite and respectful. Ironically, other than being 'wiggly' and needing more breaks, his teacher last year said those exact things about him.

We have open house Monday. I will be requesting a conference then. If she doesn't agree, I'll go to the principal.

Ds has been saying he hates school, he is bad, he's stupid, the teacher hates him, and LOTS of these types of stories are coming home. His friend/his friends Mom both agree that this teacher doesn't care for him. Friends Mom said she saw ds separated from the group for burping loudly, it WAS ds the first time, teacher turned her back, and the other kids started doing it. DS lost a dollar, the other kids did not. Teacher turned her back again, same kids burped, she blamed ds, ds got a TO because he had no more dollars left. When he tried to 'tell' he was reprimanded for 'tattling'. The teachers note home the same day was about taking responsibility for his behavior.

[daycarediva]

Actually it is considered assault. Ask any police officer!

It's NASTY. I was pretty horrified about it, to be honest. Ds is repulsed by bodily fluid, and the minute he came home he went to change his shirt. Ds says SPIT, teacher says "blew raspberries". It may have been raspberries, but ds definitely said he was spit on.

[Thriftylady]

I emailed her about today's note. She responded that we can discuss it at parent teacher conferences next month. Sorry, but a MONTH is far too long to let this continue. If Ds is disrespectful, struggling, not following directions or anything else SPECIFIC I would ABSOLUTELY back her. He NEEDS to listen to his teacher, be kind, polite and respectful. Ironically, other than being 'wiggly' and needing more breaks, his teacher last year said those exact things about him.

We have open house Monday. I will be requesting a conference then. If she doesn't agree, I'll go to the principal.

Ds has been saying he hates school, he is bad, he's stupid, the teacher hates him, and LOTS of these types of stories are coming home. His friend/his friends Mom both agree that this teacher doesn't care for him. Friends Mom said she saw ds separated from the group for burping loudly, it WAS ds the first time, teacher turned her back, and the other kids started doing it. DS lost a dollar, the other kids did not. Teacher turned her back again, same kids burped, she blamed ds, ds got a TO because he had no more dollars left. When he tried to 'tell' he was reprimanded for 'tattling'. The teachers note home the same day was about taking responsibility for his behavior.

See now the burping thing, that just sounds like first grade behavior to me. I mean yeah you tell them to knock it off blah blah and maybe tell them what will happen if they don't, but to them it is funny at that age. I can remember my son was in first grade when I got PG with DD. He told my mom that he only wanted a brother "because boys can burp and fart and stuff". I mean they are acting their age it sounds like to me.

[melilley]

Oh my, :hug:. That is terrible. As a mom,my heart breaks for what your son is going through and what you are going through by hearing about what is happening. While I do agree that children need to find ways to deal with things at school, there are different ways to go about teaching them how to do that, not by shaming them or allowing things to go on just because a child tattled, if the other child won't stop then that teacher needs to intervene, especially at that age. Sad. I hope she will have a conference with you, I wonder what she will say to you face to face.

I remember once when my dd was in 2nd grade, another child kicked her on the bus and did some other things. My dd was broken up about it and didn't want to ride the bus and cried, but I had to work so she had to ride it. Something so little like that broke my heart.

[melilley]

It's NASTY. I was pretty horrified about it, to be honest. Ds is repulsed by bodily fluid, and the minute he came home he went to change his shirt. Ds says SPIT, teacher says "blew raspberries". It may have been raspberries, but ds definitely said he was spit on.

Raspberries or not, it's still spit and is nasty. How would she like it if she had a "raspberry" blown on her?!

Sorry, I'm getting mad for you and your ds.

[midaycare]

We had a difficult teacher last year. Ended up switching schools. My DS was being bullied. A kid smacked him in class, he got a head wound on the bus, and he got pushed off of high playground equipment. The school refused to talk to me. No problem ... New school. DS is happy and well liked.

His best friend sounds like your DS. He is doing really well in school, too, but he had strong support at school.

[Indoorvoice]

As a former teacher, this is absolutely unacceptable behavior on the teacher's part. You should definitely go to the principal. Let us know how it goes. I'm fuming for you!

[NeedaVaca]

I emailed her about today's note. She responded that we can discuss it at parent teacher conferences next month. Sorry, but a MONTH is far too long to let this continue. If Ds is disrespectful, struggling, not following directions or anything else SPECIFIC I would ABSOLUTELY back her. He NEEDS to listen to his teacher, be kind, polite and respectful. Ironically, other than being 'wiggly' and needing more breaks, his teacher last year said those exact things about him.

We have open house Monday. I will be requesting a conference then. If she doesn't agree, I'll go to the principal.

Ds has been saying he hates school, he is bad, he's stupid, the teacher hates him, and LOTS of these types of stories are coming home. His friend/his friends Mom both agree that this teacher doesn't care for him. Friends Mom said she saw ds separated from the group for burping loudly, it WAS ds the first time, teacher turned her back, and the other kids started doing it. DS lost a dollar, the other kids did not. Teacher turned her back again, same kids burped, she blamed ds, ds got a TO because he had no more dollars left. When he tried to 'tell' he was reprimanded for 'tattling'. The teachers note home the same day was about taking responsibility for his behavior.

This teacher sounds like she needs a lesson on the difference between "tattling" and "telling" or "reporting". uuggh-I feel for you:hug:

[lynne]

I think that teacher needs a come to jesus meeting.... My oldest son was bullied by a teacher and Oh Boy I let loose on her....I have zero tolerance for adults that bully children....( it happened to me as a kid).School is suppost to be safe.

[AmyKidsCo]

As a former teacher, this is absolutely unacceptable behavior on the teacher's part. You should definitely go to the principal. Let us know how it goes. I'm fuming for you!

Ditto! Document everything right now before you forget - what he said, what you said, what the teacher said. When/how you tried to contact the teacher and what response (or lack thereof) there was, etc. It sounds like the teacher knows she's in the wrong and doesn't want to face it. She's basically bullying your child and it needs to stop.