I Know Someone Here Can Help....And I Need It!

[GKJNIGMN]

I swear I have tried everything I have read on this site but I don't know what to do anymore. I have a DCG who is just over 1 1/2 years old. She screams and cries the entire day. I have had her full time since she was 9 months old so it isn't an adjustment thing.

This child now screams and yells the entire day. If my son isn't actively playing with her, she is screaming. If one of us leaves the room to use the bathroom, she is screaming. When I lay her down at nap time, she screams. If I redirect her from doing something, she throws herself on the floor and screams. I homeschool my oldest child so I tried moving her to another room on another floor to let her cry it out. She screamed bloody murder for an hour and a half and then mastered climbing out of the pack n play. She went with me to pick up at school yesterday and was wimpering or crying the entire time. I refuse to force my kids to play with her.

She wasn't like this from 10 months until maybe 3 months ago and I am almost 100% sure that it is completely based on the fact that her mother caters to her every want and need. She is finally smart enough to carry that over to my house. DCM still cosleeps because she can't get her in a crib or pack n play. In my favorite or her parenting examples, so to give you an idea, she was getting a ride to drop DCG off with me and then to work and suddenly decided one day that she would walk the 40 minutes here and then bike to her job a good 30+ minute bike ride across town because DCG didn't like the lady that was giving them a ride.

She has been crying and screaming loudly for the last 30 minutes since she was dropped off not because she didn't want to come to me - she is happy to do that - but because I put her in the pack n play with toys while I am getting other kids ready for school.

If anybody has any suggestions I am ready to learn what I am doing wrong. If it just isn't fixable, I am ready to term.

[Josiegirl]

Wow, you poor lady! I couldn't take that much screaming. Instead of putting her in the p'n'p while getting kids ready for school, what if you place her in the high chair and give her something to play with? What does she do if she's allowed to play beside you?
When I first started a 12 month old here awhile back, she wanted to be picked up a lot when I just couldn't. So what I did was set up a bottom drawer in my kitchen with plastic containers, change out other contents every few days(wooden spoons, cups, blocks, etc.) and it kept her busy for quite awhile, especially when her friends would come and join her.
If she doesn't get over this soon, I wouldn't keep her. My sanity would be too important.

[Shell]

Term. Dcm has her spoiled rotten, and unless she changes, the child isn't going to. Send them on their way, and eventually, after a few new care givers, dcm might see she has created this situation. The bike story is crazy, btw. :hug: for dealing with this for so long.

[Blackcat31]

I swear I have tried everything I have read on this site but I don't know what to do anymore. I have a DCG who is just over 1 1/2 years old. She screams and cries the entire day. I have had her full time since she was 9 months old so it isn't an adjustment thing.

This child now screams and yells the entire day. If my son isn't actively playing with her, she is screaming. If one of us leaves the room to use the bathroom, she is screaming. When I lay her down at nap time, she screams. If I redirect her from doing something, she throws herself on the floor and screams. I homeschool my oldest child so I tried moving her to another room on another floor to let her cry it out. She screamed bloody murder for an hour and a half and then mastered climbing out of the pack n play. She went with me to pick up at school yesterday and was wimpering or crying the entire time. I refuse to force my kids to play with her.

She wasn't like this from 10 months until maybe 3 months ago and I am almost 100% sure that it is completely based on the fact that her mother caters to her every want and need. She is finally smart enough to carry that over to my house. DCM still cosleeps because she can't get her in a crib or pack n play. In my favorite or her parenting examples, so to give you an idea, she was getting a ride to drop DCG off with me and then to work and suddenly decided one day that she would walk the 40 minutes here and then bike to her job a good 30+ minute bike ride across town because DCG didn't like the lady that was giving them a ride.

She has been crying and screaming loudly for the last 30 minutes since she was dropped off not because she didn't want to come to me - she is happy to do that - but because I put her in the pack n play with toys while I am getting other kids ready for school.

If anybody has any suggestions I am ready to learn what I am doing wrong. If it just isn't fixable, I am ready to term.

I think you already know the answer.

DCM created this monster, DCM can fix it.

It should NOT be up to you to deal with/manage behaviors that are taught AND supported at home.

If you honestly think you could work WITH mom in fixing this, go for it but it will take some hard work and follow through not only on your part but mostly on mom/dads. If you don't think she (DCM) will do that, then I certainly would not devote any more time or efforts in helping this situation.

Either set up an action plan with mom that requires steady improvement (if only for your sanity and mental well being) or just term.

Sometimes, it just isn't a good fit and when two environments are just playing against each other it will never work.

[cheerfuldom]

term. it is not our problem to fix every issue that every kid has. you gave this three months of constant screaming and that is more than many people would have put up with. I would just tell mom that you are terming because you are no longer the right fit for little miss. She is unhappy and crying all day, you have done your best to work it out and now think it is time to give them the opportunity to find somewhere that little miss is more content. "Blame" it on yourself if you have to. Give them notice per your contract and let mom know that if little miss is having a really hard day than you will just have to start sending home each day between now and then. Do not change your mind! If mom gets rude or whatever, term immediately.

[Thriftylady]

There is no way you are going to change the behavior with dcm behaving as she does. This isn't a behavior problem with the child nearly as much as it is with the parent. I would give mom a two week probation notice and list 3-4 things that need to change. Put on it when you will revisit the probation (a date) and discuss with mom if enough improvement has been made to keep the child. If not, it is termination. In the meantime, advertise and interview because I don't know if I would count on mom being on board.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I agree with other posters that it is probably time to let them go. I had a DCB here from birth until 2yo, and his sister from birth to 4yo. The DCD was difficult to say the least, and I firmly believe it was his home environment that caused DCB to cry/scream at every transition and redirection. DCG was the same way until about 3yo. Neither parent was able to handle both children at the same time, to the point of where neither was able to take them out in public alone.

My point is, I put up with it for four years, because I was fond of the kids despite their constant tyranny. They finally moved across town, and I was so relieved. The peace we have now is wonderful. I should have pulled that trigger long ago, and so should you. :hug:

[GKJNIGMN]

I greatly appreciate the advice.

She actually does fine if she is in the highchair but for her own development I don't want to use that as a solution. Plus I am certified with the state and I am sure they would look down on that. Playing next to me is ok unless another child isn't paying attention to her or she wants to climb on the furniture and I stop her then it's just crying. Even right now, she is playing with some duplo blocks walking around the room yelling/crying.

She is my only daycare child by choice right now but the money will not make me keep her. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overlooking something I could be doing.

I will let DCM know today that she is on 2 week notice. She can work with me to get DCG to the point of being able to entertain herself somewhat and stop all the yelling or she can find another daycare.

[GKJNIGMN]

Maybe I will pass on that 2 week notice. She has been here since 6:45 this morning. She ate lunch and started to fall asleep so I put her for her nap at 12:19.........it is 1:08 and she is still screaming at the top of her lungs. My head is killing me

[Thriftylady]

If it makes you feel any better, my 9 month grandson is the same way. They live with her parents, and between the four of them and all the visitors someone is always holding or playing with grandson. If he even whimpers they will do anything to entertain him so he stops. I have put them on notice that although I keep him once in awhile I nor any provider would ever keep him full time.

[Is it bedtime yet?]

Could she be in pain? Ear infection, tummy issues, teething, etc...?