How long would you endure...

[Unregistered]

I have a 14 month old and his 3 1/2 year old sister. The 14 month old has terrible behavior. He won't eat and just throws food and wants his sippy cup of milk. He pulls hair, hits, throws and takes toys away and every time I tell him "no no," he throws himself down in full blown tantrum. He throws a tantrum because he doesn't want to nap.

This is every single day, all day. I have talked to the parents multiple times and sent home daily reports for both children.

His sister does not listen. She wants rewards every time she is being good and if she thinks she's not getting a reward, she breaks the rules anyway because she doesn't care.

I understand that the little boy is 1 and all kids go through a phase like this. I have a 3 year old, myself. But, nothing is getting better and it's making me dread them coming every day. It's very hard to do fun things with the kids because I'm spending all my time dealing with tantrums and bad behavior.

I either need to find a way to correct behavior that will work or I have to let them go as a client. I'm at the end of my rope and it's made my home very stressful. I feel like I talk to the parents and it goes in one ear and out the other. I have tried rewards, time out, taking away privilages, talking to them (older ones) and explaining why it's wrong to act that way or do what they did. With the one year old, all I can do is put him in the pack and play when he has a tantrum (safety reasons) and redirection or telling him "no no."

So, any advice on a strategy to help the kids understand or how do I word it to the parents that either the behavior changes or I can't have them as a client?

[Unregistered]

I should add that I've had both children over a year. How long would you keep trying to make this work? I hate conflict and I don't want to make it sound like their kids are awful, but the behavior is really really bad.

[lynne]

Honestly, You've put in your time with these kids.....If it was me I'd say bye-bye. The parents don't seem to care about the behavour problems, So I'd give them notice to term tomorrow.. You should never have to feel horrible about going to work each morning.
My 2 cents

[Play Care]

Honestly, You've put in your time with these kids.....If it was me I'd say bye-bye. The parents don't seem to care about the behavour problems, So I'd give them notice to term tomorrow.. You should never have to feel horrible about going to work each morning.
My 2 cents

Start interviewing NOW. A year is too long for this to have gone on.

[daycarediva]

Can you let them go now? I might give them one last chance- since up to this point you haven't made it clear it's FIX this situation or LEAVE.

Two week probationary letter explaining what needs to improve and the end date. IF at the end the issues have not improved- you will let them go that day.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with the probation notice and go from there. If you really need the income start interviewing for a couple of weeks and then give the probation notice. You might be surprised that the term notice changes the parents attitude.

[Unregistered]

I think I should go with the probation too. I guess what I keep asking myself is am I expecting too much from a 14 month old? I can hear the parents telling me I am when I have the talk with them, so then I start asking myself the same question.

[Heidi]

I think I should go with the probation too. I guess what I keep asking myself is am I expecting too much from a 14 month old? I can hear the parents telling me I am when I have the talk with them, so then I start asking myself the same question.

no. The behavior you describe is typical The quantity of the behavior is not, however.

Having multiple children from one family, each with behavior issues, ****s up a good percentage of your space. If one of these children were "a handful", you'd have 5 others (or whatever) to set a good example. You'd have energy to deal with one. The problem is, they bring their family baggage to YOUR program. Which, is why I rarely take sibs anymore. If I do, it has to be a younger sib of a child I already have with parents I know I can work with.

I had a similar situation, and recommended a center for them. Splitting the kids up in separate rooms might work better, plus, they would have a bigger staff.

[daycarediva]

No, it isn't beyond reasonable expectations to expect a 14mo to get into a routine, sit at a high chair for meals, and not be constantly aggressive.

Is the behavior improving? (NO) So it WILL continue and then you be expected to put up with that behavior at 18m, 2yrs +

I am assuming that ALL they do is cater to him and give him his way to avoid the tantrum.

[preschoolteacher]

I had some ideas, but the fact that you've had these kids for a year makes me agree that it's time for them to go.

I suspect (like others said) that the parents don't want them to throw fits so they give into their bad behavior.

After a year working with the kids and parents, I don't believe it can be turned around.

Good luck!