REALLY? I am So Mad

[daycare]

Maybe a doormat is not a good description, but I just don't feel so great.

I strive to run a great program. I have my teacher credentials, I have a great place and I have a lot of great families.

The other day I tell a dcd about his daughters day. I tell dcd that she had a good day and is working on PT. Really she is no where near ready, but they are forcing her.

DCD gets mad when he asks me if she had any accidents and I respond she is working on it. Immediately, he starts in on DCG saying. IF you want to go to big girl school then you need to go to the toilet, no more of this baby business. (btw dcg is 2.5) I stand there and look at DCD with glaring eyes. I tell him, you can bribe her all you want, but if you keep putting her down, it's only going to delay the process.

THen DCD says to me, well when do you think YOU will have her PTed?

I look at him and say what do you mean. He says well we bought her all her big girl stuff to go to real school and we are just waiting to enroll her, but can't until she is fully PTed....

I told him in a not so nice voice, don't ask me, ask her. SHe is the one who gets to decide.

So here we go again. Why do I always feel like parents do this to me. They rant and rave about how wonderful my program is, how much I have taught their child and how much they want their child to participate in my pre-kinder program when they are old enough. BUt then they throw the POTTY TRAIN MY CHILD SO I CAN LEAVE AT ME.

I am so mad that I feel like terming.

am I letting my emotions get the best of me here?

[SignMeUp]

am I letting my emotions get the best of me here?

Yes. And. No.

I hear ya. I do. In recent years, I have felt as if the better my program gets, the more parents expect. And the more they expect, the more likely they are to pull for "real" preschool. Makes no sense to me.

And really? When do THEY, the PARENTS think THEY will have the child potty-trained?

[Shell]

I would be furious! So you are supposed to put in all the work, just so they can pull?! Well, at least his intentions are clear. Some parents will just wait until pt is done, pull, and leave us scrambling to find a replacement. I wouldn't term now, but if I found a replacement, I definitely would, and would tell dcd that since they planned on leaving anyway, you need to open the spot up to someone that needs care for an extended period.

[daycare]

I would be furious! So you are supposed to put in all the work, just so they can pull?! Well, at least his intentions are clear. Some parents will just wait until pt is done, pull, and leave us scrambling to find a replacement. I wouldn't term now, but if I found a replacement, I definitely would, and would tell dcd that since they planned on leaving anyway, you need to open the spot up to someone that needs care for an extended period.

Thanks for responding.. I know that families are always going to do what they feel is best for their child, I mean who wouldn't.

It just burns when they say it your face.

[Leigh]

Seriously, **I** would start looking for a replacement. I'm not giving you advice here, but if they want to leave, anyway, AND they are putting potty training a child who is not ready on you, I would just say forget them and replace them. I don't blame you for being mad, I would be, as well.

[Controlled Chaos]

I can't believe a parent would do that?! I probably would have laughed and said something along the lines of "You are not making me feel very motivated when you tell me you are leaving!" and "Potty training is a parents' responsibility, I am just here to support the child and the process".

Good luck.:hug:

[nannyde]

I wouldn't have another potty training discussion with them. I would tell them you don't work on potty training on children who are leaving care. It's too labor intensive and only worth the investment if the child is staying. If they backtrack and say she is staying require them to sign a new termination notice time of six months. If they won't sign then you won't work on training.

The mom is going to be livid when she finds out he let that cat out of the bag. When the truth comes out it's usually from the kid or Dad.

[Unregistered]

Wow he really knows how to motivate his daycare provider eh! I would begin advertising, and the only potty training I would do is if the child initiated it. I wouldn't hamper a child's progress if their was any, but I certainly wouldn't bother working at it especially when the child it not ready.

I love the idea of letting them know you do not potty train children who are leaving. You can politely decline to be involved in potty training now, and his wife can chew him out at home for his actions later

[Unregistered]

potty training

I had one really concerned about that too and nothing else really and left without telling me anything, could have been that

[Josiegirl]

Wow, dcd is clueless and has a lot of gall. Can you talk with dcm about it? Do you have a specific written policy for potty training that you can print out to remind them how you do things? Yeh, I'd have a hard time pushing the training.
Why is it potty training can bring out the worst in even good dcps? I have a dcm who is wonderful! But when her 3 yo dcg started having accidents she wanted me to put her in TO. I wouldn't do it. Now I have a dcm who told her 3 1/2 yo that she was too old to be wetting her bed??? She has been trained for awhile but night time accidents are the last to stop. I also have dcps who are in a hurry for their 19 mo and their 2 1/2 yo to get potty trained. Dcm made a comment how difficult it was trying to train 2 kids. I said something to the effect she should try it when there are 4 other kids running around. I'm waiting for the 2 dcks to actually show an interest and for the parents to get with a consistent program about it. I do not have the time to play 'sit on the potty every 10 minutes cause it's fun' game.

[coolconfidentme]

I wouldn't have another potty training discussion with them. I would tell them you don't work on potty training on children who are leaving care. It's too labor intensive and only worth the investment if the child is staying. If they backtrack and say she is staying require them to sign a new termination notice time of six months. If they won't sign then you won't work on training.

The mom is going to be livid when she finds out he let that cat out of the bag. When the truth comes out it's usually from the kid or Dad.

THIS!
Look for a replacement family ASAP...., & stop with the potty training. Let DCD do it.

[CraftyMom]

I wouldn't have another potty training discussion with them. I would tell them you don't work on potty training on children who are leaving care. It's too labor intensive and only worth the investment if the child is staying. If they backtrack and say she is staying require them to sign a new termination notice time of six months. If they won't sign then you won't work on training.

The mom is going to be livid when she finds out he let that cat out of the bag. When the truth comes out it's usually from the kid or Dad.

[taylorw1210]

I just had the same thing happen to me a few months ago. The poor boy showed up with a "potty watch", the parents made me feel like I was too lazy to PT their child, they kept raving about how well he went on the potty at home (and then let it slip a few times that was not the case), talked about how they want to put him in pre-school but can't until he's trained (he was also only 2.5), etc. They ended up leaving and I think the kid is still not PTd. Our really good relationship ended up ending on a really sour note. I allowed myself to get pretty twisted up about it, but it's over now and I would definitely do a few things differently next time.

[Blackcat31]

So if the topic of potty training had never come up, you would not have had any idea that this family was planning on enrolling in preschool elsewhere?

If that is the case, then I understand your feelings but still don't think it is something we (as child care providers) can be upset about.

If you want to be a preschool and compete with preschool (as defined by parents) then I wouldn't even entertain enrolling a child who is not toilet trained.

Obviously in this parents eyes, "big girl school" is a school where big girls go.

I don't agree with the parent about pushing his DD so hard to train but that (the training) is on the parents as I don't involve myself with that too much other than supporting the progress a parent has made at home. I don't tell parents how to train their kids or when unless asked.

It ****s that parents want to pull and leave your program, but in all honesty you can't change how parents view your program. If I were a parent that felt the definition of "big girl school" was a place for potty trained children only, I would not enroll in a program that has children in diapers...kwim?

I am in NO way devaluing your program or your credentials but am only trying to offer a parent perspective in regards to what parents view as daycare and preschool.

I have teaching credentials too. I offer a preschool curriculum and pretty much the same things brick and mortar preschools do still enroll children in multiple age groups and children in diapers thus making me daycare in a parents eyes. Even if I have more of an education that the gal running the preschool down the block that takes only preschool aged children and operates from 8:30-2:00.

Either way though, I'm sorry you are hurt by this dad's words/actions.

:hug:

[Soccermom]

I would gently remind DCD that DD loves being in your care and is perhaps not getting on board the potty train wagon because DCD keeps telling her that being potty trained = Leaving your care.