Daycare Family Generosity and My Discomfort

[Unregistered]

Hi - I'm wondering if anybody can help me decide the right thing to do. I'm a registered member but logged out to help protect the daycare family's privacy. I have taken care of dcg for 2 years (she's 2.5 now). Last week DCM called me at 9 pm from the hospital, completely distraught and crying because her much older daughter (age 15) had overdosed on a bottle of over-the-counter sleeping pills. She asked me if there was any way I could take their little one overnight. So I went to the hospital and brought her home and wound up keeping the child for 7 days. I completely understood that DCM needed to be with her daughter, who was in the ICU, and with no extended family around I was truly glad I could help. DCD was still going to work but other than that he stayed with them in the hospital the entire week.
The girl is physically out of the woods, thank God, but was moved today to the psych ward, and parents are not allowed to stay. So DCM came today to pick up little dcg, thanking me tremendously and leaving behind an envelope. Inside was a check for next week's care, plus a beautiful thank you card with $1,500 in cash tucked inside. I think it is unbelievably generous but way too much money, and it makes me uncomfortable. I never asked nor expected payment. The little girl is delightful and it wasn't much of a problem at all. Secondly, I know this family is really torn-up and I feel like I am taking advantage of their terrible situation by accepting that much money. Even after 2 years I don't feel like i know the family all that well. They pay on time and are always nice and prompt at pickups, and I guess they could afford the money or else they wouldn't have given it to me, but I don't know. Would you keep it? Give some of it back or all of it back? Or am I overthinking this? I would hate for them to think I'm not grateful, because I am. It just blows me away. What do you think?

[Thriftylady]

Well there is another option, you could tell them you don't feel comfortable keeping it and tell them either XX is a fair price for the week please donate the rest to a charity, or tell them to donate it all to charity. You could even ask if they could donate it to a children's charity you both trust. I am guessing they are just very happy to have had someone to help them out in their time of need.

[cheerfuldom]

I would accept payment for the seven days care (I normally would charge for the care during the day $30 per day plus overnight care $60 per night) so I would write a note and say that I was more than happy to help in their time of need but didnt feel comfortable accepting such a large amount above what my regular charge would be for 7 days care. I would cash the check and then write them back for the overage asking that they put that money back toward their family's needs or if they wish, donate to a charity in their daughter's name on your behalf.

However, if you do decide to keep all of it, I wouldnt blame you at all for that! You took care of a child for a WEEK with no notice, picking her up and feeding her and everything else. It is okay to accept payment for that! It is not taking advantage at all. They had a need for a service which you provided. You dont have to do anything for free just because they had an emergency.

Either way you go, you have my support.

[NeedaVaca]

I would keep it and use a large portion for making the daycare better! Toys, learning materials, craft supplies, etc...The dcg would also benefit from that long term! They trusted you with their child for 7 days! They wouldn't give that much if they didn't think you were worth it, they could focus on the older child and know the dcg was in a safe place being well taken care of

[Thriftylady]

I would keep it and use a large portion for making the daycare better! Toys, learning materials, craft supplies, etc...The dcg would also benefit from that long term! They trusted you with their child for 7 days! They wouldn't give that much if they didn't think you were worth it, they could focus on the older child and know the dcg was in a safe place being well taken care of

Like this answer also! You could even put up a sign or something saying "improvements made possible by family XYZ" or something to that effect.

[Leigh]

Like this answer also! You could even put up a sign or something saying "improvements made possible by family XYZ" or something to that effect.

I wouldn't return it-they wouldn't have given it if they didn't want you to have it. Honestly, they may feel bad if you DID try to return it. The idea of giving credit for a special daycare purchase or project is great!

[KidGrind]

I would keep it. They are aware you run a business. They also realize that 24/7 around the clock care isn’t cheap.

I get you did it out of the kindness of your heart. You gave them the ability to spend time with their troubled daughter as a team.

I’d keep it all or return it all without suggestions of what to do with the money.

[TheGoodLife]

I would keep it. They are aware you run a business. They also realize that 24/7 around the clock care isn’t cheap.

I get you did it out of the kindness of your heart. You gave them the ability to spend time with their troubled daughter as a team.

I’d keep it all or return it all without suggestions of what to do with the money.

I wouldn't return some and keep some. You didn't ask and they felt that was what that time was worth. I'm sure they can afford it or they wouldn't have done it. That was a lovely gesture on your part and it is so nice that they are so thankful. I hope everything turns out well with their older daughter- how horribly scary!

[Josiegirl]

Wow, I've never had this dilemma. I think I'd ask them if you could sit down with them and discuss it. Then I'd tell them you truly appreciate their generosity and you really do not want to hurt their feelings in any way, BUT you don't feel right about keeping such a huge amount of money either. So please, can you come to a compromise?
I don't know, I wouldn't feel right keeping that amount, whether they could afford it or not. And I know from their viewpoint, they'd want to do something out of the ordinary.
The 2 most important issues here were that dcg was well-taken care of(obviously they have the utmost trust in you) and their older dd gets better.

[CraftyMom]

So glad to hear the older sister is making progress!

I agree that they offered, you did not ask, but they want you to have it.

I would consider making a bid daycare purchase, Something you've been wanting or needing but didn't have the money to spend on it. New outdoor play structure for example

[rosieteddy]

Defineately keep the money. That being said I would buy something for the daycare that you wanted but couldn't afford.Or just extra supplies or something needed.I would write them a nice thankyou telling how much you appreciated the gift. Bottom line is YOU went above and beyond in caring for this child in their time of need.Without you and your care only one parent would have been able to spend time with the child who needed them. You are trusted and were able to truly help them out.Often parents underappreciate us . There maybe extra hours expected while the older child gets the help they need.You do not want to set yourself up for no compensation for your extra care. I know I have taken children in emergencies and always excepted any money or giftcards given. At the end of the day though we feel like these kids are our family they are not and we should be compensated for anything extra.

[spinnymarie]

That's so sad about their daughter. If you wanted to, you could probably donate some to the hospital or the psych ward that their daughter is visiting, but I agree that giving it back would be ... weird.

[NightOwl]

I also think giving it back would be weird. They felt you deserved it. Why don't you? Know your worth!! You did something that the vast majority of people would not do and they wanted to show you how much they appreciate you. However, I think a heartfelt letter is in order.

Dear dcps,
I am so incredibly touched by your generosity. I truly did not expect this gift. After much thought, I've decided to purchase xyz, in your family's honor, for the daycare to further enrich my program for all the children. Again, I am overwhelmed by your selflessness and cannot possibly be more grateful.

With love,
Your provider

Or something like that.

[NightOwl]

Also, I wouldn't spend it all in one place. 😃 YOU earned it. Spend a grand on something, well.... Grand, for the daycare and spend $500 on yourself.

[MissLiz610]

I also think giving it back would be weird. They felt you deserved it. Why don't you? Know your worth!! You did something that the vast majority of people would not do and they wanted to show you how much they appreciate you. However, I think a heartfelt letter is in order.

Dear dcps,
I am so incredibly touched by your generosity. I truly did not expect this gift. After much thought, I've decided to purchase xyz, in your family's honor, for the daycare to further enrich my program for all the children. Again, I am overwhelmed by your selflessness and cannot possibly be more grateful.

With love,
Your provider

Or something like that.

I love this answer, I think this is the best way to handle it. You have to imagine that the family felt AWFUL about having to keep their younger child in your care for so long and this money is their way of making themselves feel that they did not take advantage of you! So glad it seems everything worked out for them and they are lucky to have a terrific provider like you to help them!