Tears

[NoMoreJuice!]

I have a new dcb, age 3, that started three weeks ago. He was great at drop off the first few days(honeymoon) then he has started turning on the waterworks when Grandma/Dad try to leave. As soon as they leave, he turns around and has a lot of fun with his friends here, with a great big smile on his cute face!

This morning, Grandma dropped him off at 7:15 and big fat crocodile tears ran down his cheeks. Same thing happened, before she even pulled out of the driveway, he was laughing and playing. About fifteen minutes ago, at 8:45, his mother shows up. She seems very upset and says she's thinking about terming because he's so upset here. When she walked in the door, he was having a great time with his buddies and she seemed shocked, but took him home anyway. The other comment that bothered me was that she was upset that I hadn't bought a lot of monster trucks, because I knew that was his favorite toy/hobby. I had bought three, but apparently he wouldn't be crying if I had more of them.

What to do here? He's a darn nice boy, I just love him. Mom seems to not trust me. How do I create a bond of trust with her, and what do I say to her? I'm needing a script pretty please and thank you!

[Kimskiddos]

What I do with the drop off theatrics is text them a photo of the happy child as soon as possible. Often they haven't even turned off my street. That seems to go a long way in helping parents feel better.

I also explain that yes it is hard for some kiddos to see their parents leave but if they keep drop off short and sweet everyone moves on and starts enjoying the day that much quicker.

As for the toy thing, well that is just weird. Seems like parents are looking for excuses why the child cries at drop off.

[CraftyMom]

The other comment that bothered me was that she was upset that I hadn't bought a lot of monster trucks, because I knew that was his favorite toy/hobby. I had bought three, but apparently he wouldn't be crying if I had more of them.

I don't know what you should say, but that monster truck thing would annoy me! Really? He should be happy with ONE let alone three. It is obviously not about how many monster trucks he has, he is playing mom and dad, and grandma. He knows he will get his way.

So what's next when the kid is misbehaving? What will the excuse be? "He bit his friend because you only have 3 monster trucks for him to play with"

Sounds like mom is looking for any excuse

[Blackcat31]

I have a new dcb, age 3, that started three weeks ago. He was great at drop off the first few days(honeymoon) then he has started turning on the waterworks when Grandma/Dad try to leave. As soon as they leave, he turns around and has a lot of fun with his friends here, with a great big smile on his cute face!

This morning, Grandma dropped him off at 7:15 and big fat crocodile tears ran down his cheeks. Same thing happened, before she even pulled out of the driveway, he was laughing and playing. About fifteen minutes ago, at 8:45, his mother shows up. She seems very upset and says she's thinking about terming because he's so upset here. When she walked in the door, he was having a great time with his buddies and she seemed shocked, but took him home anyway. The other comment that bothered me was that she was upset that I hadn't bought a lot of monster trucks, because I knew that was his favorite toy/hobby. I had bought three, but apparently he wouldn't be crying if I had more of them.

What to do here? He's a darn nice boy, I just love him. Mom seems to not trust me. How do I create a bond of trust with her, and what do I say to her? I'm needing a script pretty please and thank you!

If he is just putting on a show for grandma, then I don't think he is big enough to play monster trucks.

I have certain toys available for those kids who come in and separate from their parent in an age appropriate manner.

I would have told mom thorough slightly gritted teeth that I spend an extraordinary amount of time selecting and buying developmentally appropriate toys for my program and if she feels that I don't have enough or the right type, perhaps she would like to donate some NIB monster trucks for ALL the children to enjoy.

[Leigh]

I have a new dcb, age 3, that started three weeks ago. He was great at drop off the first few days(honeymoon) then he has started turning on the waterworks when Grandma/Dad try to leave. As soon as they leave, he turns around and has a lot of fun with his friends here, with a great big smile on his cute face!

This morning, Grandma dropped him off at 7:15 and big fat crocodile tears ran down his cheeks. Same thing happened, before she even pulled out of the driveway, he was laughing and playing. About fifteen minutes ago, at 8:45, his mother shows up. She seems very upset and says she's thinking about terming because he's so upset here. When she walked in the door, he was having a great time with his buddies and she seemed shocked, but took him home anyway. The other comment that bothered me was that she was upset that I hadn't bought a lot of monster trucks, because I knew that was his favorite toy/hobby. I had bought three, but apparently he wouldn't be crying if I had more of them.

What to do here? He's a darn nice boy, I just love him. Mom seems to not trust me. How do I create a bond of trust with her, and what do I say to her? I'm needing a script pretty please and thank you!

Do you really WANT to keep dealing with this mom? I'd just tell her that perhaps she should find a care situation for him that has more monster trucks available so that he doesn't have to put on a crying show for them at drop off.

[nannyde]

Granny taken care of him up until now by any chance?

[NoMoreJuice!]

He was at the same daycare from 6 weeks up until the transition to my house...so I was expecting some apprehension...just thought it would come from dcb, not dcm. She seems like she's having a hard time letting go, although it was her choice to leave. The old provider was getting tons of infants, and didn't offer preschool, so dcb was sort of being left to play alone as all the other kids were little toddlers.

Am I crazy for thinking we can just work through this? I think she and I need to have a serious meeting, but I really don't know how to approach it. I'm already sending her several pics a day of her happy, smiling boy. Does she just need more time to adjust?

[nannyde]

He was at the same daycare from 6 weeks up until the transition to my house...so I was expecting some apprehension...just thought it would come from dcb, not dcm. She seems like she's having a hard time letting go, although it was her choice to leave. The old provider was getting tons of infants, and didn't offer preschool, so dcb was sort of being left to play alone as all the other kids were little toddlers.

Am I crazy for thinking we can just work through this? I think she and I need to have a serious meeting, but I really don't know how to approach it. I'm already sending her several pics a day of her happy, smiling boy. Does she just need more time to adjust?

It depends on her motives. If she is attention seeking it won't work. If she is laying a foundation to be your boss... it won't work. If she has worked out her concerns.with the previous provider (usually money, nap, toilet training) it won't work.

If it is truly about the kid then it's a matter of just SAYING he's easy and doing great and you have zero concerns. He's doing a performance for them at drop off but that's just for them and isn't about daycare. Stop discussing it as any energy is suspect. Just TELL her he is great and be done with it. Quit defending it. He is... that's all... next.

My guess is ... with her taking him when he was fine.. is that she is working it out with old provider who is cheaper than you. She is creating chaos to justify it but it's really about money.

[Shell]

Nannyde is probably right, as always. Do you think Gma is talking smack about your program? 3 trucks isn't enough?! To be passive aggressive, I might buy a ton of trucks and keep them right by the door where anyone can see (keep receipts because this isn't really the root of the problem), send pics immediately just like pp said, and even take some great pics of dcb with the trucks. I think they are looking for any excuse, so I wouldn't give them the truck one at all. Then, when it's something else, well hey, you gave it your best

[NightOwl]

"Grandma dropped off..." in my experience, there's your problem right there. I've had more trouble with grandmas than I've ever had with moms or dads combined. Grandma is the one babying him, granting his every wish, asking how high when he says jump. Not dcb's fault. GRANDMA'S fault.

And, most grandmas will call mom or dad at the slightest hint of a tear. This demonstrates her deep concern for her grandbaby and also shows mom and dad that she is actively judging their "poor" parenting choices. How do you suppose mom knew about the tears this morning? Grandma's immediate report of course.

I'm sure I sound very jaded and I currently have fantastic grandparents, ftr, but I still cringe a little when I know a grandparent is coming. Old habits, I guess.