Rant - Mother Won't Let Child Get His Sleep

[TwinKristi]

I have a child who "won't" nap at home on the weekends-he's the best napper I have ever seen. On Mondays, he often takes 4 hour plus naps at my house. His parents just can't believe it when they ask me how I do it. I just tell him that it is naptime and he runs in and covers up and is out in seconds-he has done this since day one-no training from me.

This was me until last week! DCB has always been a great napper despite DCM saying he sleeps horribly at home. Recently he's gotten better at home, but the last 2 weeks he has been fighting nap time and then when mom gets here he's a mess and falls asleep right before pickup or at home. If she knows he hasn't napped by 3:30 when everyone is getting up she picks him up early so he'll nap at home.

But to the OP- unfortunately when you have to work with it and can't term then you have to get creative. What's his current schedule like?

[permanentvacation]

That's just it, he doesn't have a schedule and he's making it so no one here has a schedule. I don't have anyplace he can sleep away from everyone. I used to have a schedule for my daycare which included the typical nap after lunch. But he comes in every morning exhausted and hateful. So, I have been trying to allow him to sleep when he needs to, but I truly don't think he's on a schedule at night at home, so he can't get on a schedule during the day here. Some days he comes in and goes right to sleep. Other days, I lay him down after he gets in and he won't go to sleep, but he screams and cries for hours I believe because he's so tired. Some days I make him continue to lay down longer in hopes that he will eventually fall asleep - sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. He is completely horrible until he gets enough sleep, but he won't get on a schedule. He also won't sleep through the other kids making noise and since I can't give him a separate area to sleep, I make the kids take a nap when he lays down.

Honestly, it just boils down to the fact that since the mother doesn't keep him on a schedule that works for him at home, he can't get on a schedule during the day. He simply is not a good fit here in my daycare. However, since I currently can't afford to kick him out, I have to just deal with this.

Today, he was hateful and horrible all morning. I tried to get him to take a nap this morning, but he just cried as if he was overtired but could not get to sleep. I finally let him up and decided to keep him up the rest of the day. He was hateful off and on, then finally stopped being hateful. Maybe if I keep him up during the day, his mother will not be able to keep him awake at night and she will have to let him sleep at night like he needs to.

I might be able to force his family to get him into a schedule that works for him if I DON'T let him sleep more than a normal daycare nap length and time. I've been letting him sleep here when he wants, and that hasn't helped at all. I need to break this vicious circle he is in. I'm going to try for a few days of only letting him sleep at a normal nap time here and see if it changes anything.

[KidGrind]

That's just it, he doesn't have a schedule and he's making it so no one here has a schedule. I don't have anyplace he can sleep away from everyone. I used to have a schedule for my daycare which included the typical nap after lunch. But he comes in every morning exhausted and hateful. So, I have been trying to allow him to sleep when he needs to, but I truly don't think he's on a schedule at night at home, so he can't get on a schedule during the day here. Some days he comes in and goes right to sleep. Other days, I lay him down after he gets in and he won't go to sleep, but he screams and cries for hours I believe because he's so tired. Some days I make him continue to lay down longer in hopes that he will eventually fall asleep - sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. He is completely horrible until he gets enough sleep, but he won't get on a schedule. He also won't sleep through the other kids making noise and since I can't give him a separate area to sleep, I make the kids take a nap when he lays down.

Honestly, it just boils down to the fact that since the mother doesn't keep him on a schedule that works for him at home, he can't get on a schedule during the day. He simply is not a good fit here in my daycare. However, since I currently can't afford to kick him out, I have to just deal with this.

Today, he was hateful and horrible all morning. I tried to get him to take a nap this morning, but he just cried as if he was overtired but could not get to sleep. I finally let him up and decided to keep him up the rest of the day. He was hateful off and on, then finally stopped being hateful. Maybe if I keep him up during the day, his mother will not be able to keep him awake at night and she will have to let him sleep at night like he needs to.

I might be able to force his family to get him into a schedule that works for him if I DON'T let him sleep more than a normal daycare nap length and time. I've been letting him sleep here when he wants, and that hasn't helped at all. I need to break this vicious circle he is in. I'm going to try for a few days of only letting him sleep at a normal nap time here and see if it changes anything.

You can’t force a family to do anything with their child. YOU CAN start interviewing perspective families and put yourself in a position to terminate without skipping a beat.

[permanentvacation]

I constantly advertise and don't get any decent calls. There are way too many licensed daycare centers and homes as well as illegal babysitters in my area. Many licensed home daycare providers have shut down their daycare because of the inability to get enough kids. I just might be the next to close.

[permanentvacation]

Since he never took a nap yesterday, the grand mom couldn't keep him awake after 8 last night. (He really needs to go to bed at 7 but they purposely keep him up til 9:30 so his mom can see him after work.) Since he went to bed at 8 last night, he's tired, rubbing his eyes, and moving slowly, but he's not crying this morning!

I gave the grand mom a big speech about him needing his sleep last night when she picked up. She said she might try to start picking him up around 4 to take him home and give him a nap from 4:30-6:30 so he can then get up and see his mother, then go to bed at 9/9:30. We'll see if she starts doing that or not.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Since he never took a nap yesterday, the grand mom couldn't keep him awake after 8 last night. (He really needs to go to bed at 7 but they purposely keep him up til 9:30 so his mom can see him after work.) Since he went to bed at 8 last night, he's tired, rubbing his eyes, and moving slowly, but he's not crying this morning!

I gave the grand mom a big speech about him needing his sleep last night when she picked up. She said she might try to start picking him up around 4 to take him home and give him a nap from 4:30-6:30 so he can then get up and see his mother, then go to bed at 9/9:30. We'll see if she starts doing that or not.

I really hope they work with you for the child'd sake (and all the rest of your daycare's sanity). :hug:

[permanentvacation]

Yes, I hope they do too. It really bothers me when a parent puts their wants ahead of their child's needs.

[permanentvacation]

I all but quit! I finally got Grand mom to understand that he needs his sleep and she started putting the child to bed at 7 like he needs. But now, since mom can't spend time with him at night, she is hanging all over him at drop off time! So, he's not tired, but is whining and doing this forceful 'ahhh ahhh' cry thing all morning after I peel him away from Mommy! Ughhh!!!

[Heidi]

I all but quit! I finally got Grand mom to understand that he needs his sleep and she started putting the child to bed at 7 like he needs. But now, since mom can't spend time with him at night, she is hanging all over him at drop off time! So, he's not tired, but is whining and doing this forceful 'ahhh ahhh' cry thing all morning after I peel him away from Mommy! Ughhh!!!

Look, she misses him. Although that is unpleasant, I don't really get what you want you DO want from her? It sounds like, from here, you are telling them what's wrong, but not what they CAN do, kwim?

How about suggesting (kindly) that she spend a few minutes in the morning with him, one-on-one, at home? "Hey, dcm, our days are going so much better now that dcb is getting to bed at a reasonable hour. He seems to be enjoying himself SO much more here. But, I was thinking, since he misses you so much, and seems to be having a hard time separating, I have an idea. How about, you bring him a half hour later, but spend that time just being with him, one-on-one? I'd be happy to give you some activity ideas, or you could just read to him and snuggle. I bet you'll BOTH have an easier then, and we can keep the morning drop offs quick and easy."

You can also suggest the "secret handshake" goodbye, etc.

[permanentvacation]

Yeah, I just care that he needs more sleep. I really just care about his needs, not the mother's wants. The fact that the mother chooses to go on mini-vacations every weekend which makes her need to work extra hours to pay for them, makes me feel that she is putting her wants ahead of his needs. So I don't feel bad for her that she misses him during the week. She is choosing to enjoy more interesting weekends rather than see him daily. I guess that's why I haven't thought of suggesting to her how to spend more time with him in the morning.

The only thing I have suggested they do is let him get his sleep. His grandmother suggested that she pick him up at 4, let him nap 4:30-6:30 then he can be awake to visit with mom and go to bed around 9. I think that would work if Grand mom did that. So far, she's picked him up at the regular time and put him to bed for the night at 7. If she would start picking him up at 4 and giving him an early evening nap at home, I think everything would be fine. He'd get his sleep and mom would be able to spend time with him after work.

I have tried to let him sleep late in the afternoon here, but the other parents are questioning why he's asleep, I would be in trouble with my supervisor if she sees him sleeping that late, and sometimes I know he needs to sleep, but can't get to sleep through the noise of the other kids. Plus then I have to rearrange the schedule and can't go outside for our normal afternoon outdoor time.