What's With All The Constant Praising?

[midaycare]

My phrase that I use it, "I like it when you ..." (Eat your peas, color in the lines, sit quietly, etc.) I use, "I don't like it when you..." (push someone, take a toy away, etc.)

Probably wrong, but hey, I'm consistent.

[SignMeUp]

Who do we catch them being? Who do we tell them they are?

That title there ^ was the name of a class I took thirty years ago. How do I still remember that? Because it made a big impression on me, and related to how I already dealt with my child care children as well as my own.

It did not, however, mean that you praised excessively, mindlessly, or non-specifically. You didn't even have to "catch them" with words. It's more a matter of noticing the good, and not giving undue attention to the negative, because when we care for young children, we are helping them form a self-image. We want that self-image to be positive, but realistically positive, not in a pumped-up, false way.

I "notice" some of my preschoolers with a grin, an ASL "thanks", a thumbs-up, or a high-5, because they already know they are doing something nice, doing something well, but I want to give them the acknowledgement.
Sometimes it's more complicated input that I want to give them, so I will say something specific to what I liked about what they are doing.

"Good job" may have its place. But like a time-out, it can be way over-used, to the point that it means nothing at all. In my opinion, that's what needs to be avoided.

[Heidi]

My phrase that I use it, "I like it when you ..." (Eat your peas, color in the lines, sit quietly, etc.) I use, "I don't like it when you..." (push someone, take a toy away, etc.)

Probably wrong, but hey, I'm consistent.

I like that, and use it too.

But......

I am sure my QIP consultant said something to like it would teach children to only feel validated when they please adults.

Uh.. Wow, the horror of raising children to please their parents and teachers!

Seriously, of course I want children to be self-motivated. But, like so many things, we learn to practice the skills first, then internalize them. We work with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers, not teenagers.

[Josiegirl]

Good Job! Good Job! Good Job!
The start of the snowflake syndrome

Prek dcg came in at lunch with a painting she'd made at school, couldn't wait to show me. I told her I thought it was beautiful and I loved how the purple was all swirly. But at least I didn't say Good Job.

[Heidi]

SNOW, lots of SNOW!!!!

Nobody got this...you know...snowflakes? Special snowflakes?

[Bookworm]

I figured it out, Heidi. God forbid Snowy's self esteem is damaged. He might have to grow up and live in the real world. I totally get the hate for the overuse of " good job". To me it sounds like they're getting praise for doing something they're supposed to do.

[Unregistered]

I have a co-worker who does this constantly. Thank goodness she works in a different room. But the kids could walk by her on their way outside and she will say, "good job, good job." Good job at what, walking?!

As a former teacher, I would often say this to child going out to recess/gym or walking down the stairs. Maybe it's an inner city thing, where I taught, but some children don't know how to walk in a line and not scream and push. I'm talking elementary age.

I'm guilty of overpraising because I know some student get no attention at home. My compliments are always sincere. Like Xavier is a good artist. If Gina asks, I'll say "You're a great singer" or "Mommy sent you in a pretty dress". I always make sure to give sincere compliments.