How Long Is Crying Normal?

[Unregistered]

I have a 3 yo. Very sassy, normally outgoing. She started daycare 2 weeks ago. It's small center. Every day her crying gets progressively worse. The last two days she's started as soon as she wakes up. She's never been in care before so I was expecting some difficulty, but shouldn't it be getting better not worse?

At what point would you suggest I look into other options?

She says her teachers are but this morning she begged me to find her another school.

[Unregistered]

3 years is old enough to know her own mind and be able to tell you about things that really bother her. If your child says "but I want you to stay, but I want to go with you, but I want to stay home, etc." that is one thing...but finding her another school? There is something very wrong. I would talk to the director and then pull her out. There is a daycare by my home that is highly rated, but my friend's backyard faces the school playground. She says the providers are always yelling at the kids for getting dirty, being too loud, etc.

I would really listen to your daughter as this does not sound like normal clingy behavior. I think something is wrong at that daycare.

[Play Care]

There are so many variables. When I tried to send my own 3 yo dd to preschool years ago she freaked out. Crying, screaming "no mommy, no mommy! No school!"
In our case it had nothing to do with the actual school (a traditional preschool not attached to a day care) but that dd felt as though she was being punished by me and being sent away I obviously WAH, and have other kids here, she didn't understand why she had to go
In my case I kept her home as I saw no benefit in forcing the situation but saw where it could go horribly bad. She went at 4 (same school) and LOVED it. Still asks if she can go back (she just started 4th grade today :: ) Sees her old teachers out and about and still gets/gives hugs.
Are you back at work or home with another baby? This can be very hard for preschoolers when that happens, often this makes them feel as though they've been replaced . Or have you been home with her and now are back to work? How was your routine if you were home with her? It's a huge adjustment to have mommy 1:1 and now be in a classroom with one or two teachers and 14 other kids. How do the teachers say she is doing? Are you able to pop in and observe?
This can be so tough! Hope things get better soon!!

[cheerfuldom]

I think it is common for it to get worse before it gets better. I would give it two to four weeks.

[Thriftylady]

I think it is common for it to get worse before it gets better. I would give it two to four weeks.

I agree if in two more weeks it isn't better then I would start looking. I would sit her down and ask her why. Do it at home at a time that isn't stressful. Start it off easy... Did you have a good day today at school? Why are you so unhappy? Then keep it going until you understand.

[nanglgrl]

I've had children like this. They've always been children who haven't been in childcare before or if they have it was minimal. They always get over it and one in particular took 5 weeks. She was just fine while here but would come to my door kicking and screaming and as soon as the door shut she would run to it trying to escape. She would act as if she'd been tortured all day at pick up. She ended up loving it here and being one of my all time favorite kiddos. It was hard for her mom but I made it easier by sending her pictures throughout the day of her child happily engaged in play. She used those pictures to start conversations with her child at night about her day.
If I were you I would ask your child questions like "did you sing a song today?, did you play with anyone? Who did you play with? What did you like the best? Why do you cry when you go there?" Try not to use questions that put words in her mouth, especially negative words or feelings....even if she's said them to you in the morning. Kids are very susceptible and will use those emotions/words to tell their story. I hope that makes sense. If your child says anything concerning I would talk to the staff about your concerns. I would also do some unannounced visits (not letting your child see you).
How does your child do with other caregivers? Grandparents, friends, family etc that don't see her all of the time?
I wouldn't take her wanting you to find her a new daycare as a severe indicator that the place she's in is bad. It may be a bad fit for her or it just might be she needs more time to adjust. I had a schoolager this summer that would go between how much he hated my daycare and me to saying "this is the best summer ever!" and telling me he was going to miss me so much at the end of the summer and asking his parents if he could come back again next summer.
Some kids are very smart in some ways but haven't developed adequate attachment to their parents (too much attachment can be just as bad as not enough) and like everything it's something they need to work on and can take time.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

2-4 weeks to really settle in around here, typically.

[Unregistered]

Thank you all so much! I feel like I'm at my wit's end. I really don't think it's an issue with the center itself.

I've always stayed home with her, but she has always been in her church class twice a week for a couple of hours. Her first day was last Monday. She was so excited to go to school like her brothers, marched right in, never cried. The next day she started crying when we pulled up. Every day the crying had gotten progressively worse. As soon as she wakes up in the morning she asks if she has to go to school and as soon as I say yes she starts crying. It's 5:45 and she's been crying for 10 minutes already because she asked if she could just be at home tomorrow and I said no.

She doesn't cry that much at the center, her teacher said. For a few days it was bad enough that they had to remove her from the room and she hung out with the director until she calmed down. She will play for a little while and then cry for a little while. The last two days her teacher has said that it's gotten better during the day. That's because she's exhausted from crying all evening and morning before she gets there!

She always says she has a fun day day when we talk and she'll tell me different things they do during the day, etc.

Other than her church class, she's never stayed with anyone really. No grandparents or anything. So this is totally, totally new to her.

I'm sorry for rambling so much. I guess if it's within the realm of still getting adjusted, I can take it. But I don't want to keep putting her through it if it's just not a good fit and we should maybe try another option.

I really appreciate all the opinions.

[Thriftylady]

Well if she has never been anywhere before this is normal! But going with the director may be making it worse! Will the center do what some providers do? By that I mean give her a crying place, a chair or mat and say "you may go here and cry and when you are ready you can join in our fun.". It is funny how fast they quit crying and engage when they see others having fun and they are all by themselves. Usually it doesn't take long before they settle down, quit crying and get up to join the fun! By being away with the director, she isn't really given that choice.

As far as the evening crying, perhaps give her something to look forward to. Is there something on the lunch menu she loves? Will there be a cool craft? Perhaps you will have to talk to the teachers to find these things out, but I bet they will help you find these things. Just ask them to write down a few things that are going on tomorrow that are super fun or whatever each day. Give her something to look forward to!