Won't Potty Here But Will Potty There...?

[Kabob]

So this is yet another potty training thread...sorry!

I have a 27 month old dcg that has been potty training for 3 months now. Dcm said that at home dcg will either refuse to sit on the potty or she will randomly run to the potty and go on her own. At her back up daycare she apparently had been going very consistently with "lots of success" (no idea what the other provider did...dcm just said proudly that dcg was pooping and peeing multiple times a day there).

Here, dcg will only sit on the toilet if I ask her to (every 2 hours I ask or I try to time it when I know she normally has a bowel movement). I have to help her with everything still (so she's still working on the basics) and then when she sits she just sits there for a few seconds then tells me she is all done. She has yet to do anything on the toilet. Sometimes she asks to sit on the toilet (and does nothing) and then jumps off and asks for a sticker or toy immediately.

Am I doing something wrong? I use a toilet seat and not a potty chair as I don't have a lot of space in my bathroom. I keep track on my daily activity sheets how often and when dcg sits on the toilet (usually every couple of hours unless she refuses) as dcm's comments make me feel like I'm not doing enough here.

Really...I do want dcg out of diapers since she has such sensitive skin that I'm constantly fighting a diaper rash.

I feel like I'm failing here though since she has "successes" elsewhere and is doing absolutely nothing here...and that's not the first time a parent has said that to me...apparently everyone's children poop and pee on toilets at every other daycare but here...then they come here and they just play instead of poop. ::

[Blackcat31]

I bet her success is nothing more than words.

Her behavior is telling you the truth.

You can't force her to go. You can only offer her the opportunities and the support but you can't make her.

I am betting her back up provider is just saying the child goes. Or she is just putting her on the toilet ever 30 minutes and calling each "catch" a success.

Also as far as home behavior goes.... that's home. Daycare environments are totally different than home.

I focus only on what a child can do here. What they can or can't do at home has little bearing on what they can do here....especially if the method used at home (running around naked, reminders etc) can't be replicated here.

[lovemykidstoo]

So this is yet another potty training thread...sorry!

I have a 27 month old dcg that has been potty training for 3 months now. Dcm said that at home dcg will either refuse to sit on the potty or she will randomly run to the potty and go on her own. At her back up daycare she apparently had been going very consistently with "lots of success" (no idea what the other provider did...dcm just said proudly that dcg was pooping and peeing multiple times a day there).

Here, dcg will only sit on the toilet if I ask her to (every 2 hours I ask or I try to time it when I know she normally has a bowel movement). I have to help her with everything still (so she's still working on the basics) and then when she sits she just sits there for a few seconds then tells me she is all done. She has yet to do anything on the toilet. Sometimes she asks to sit on the toilet (and does nothing) and then jumps off and asks for a sticker or toy immediately.

Am I doing something wrong? I use a toilet seat and not a potty chair as I don't have a lot of space in my bathroom. I keep track on my daily activity sheets how often and when dcg sits on the toilet (usually every couple of hours unless she refuses) as dcm's comments make me feel like I'm not doing enough here.

Really...I do want dcg out of diapers since she has such sensitive skin that I'm constantly fighting a diaper rash.

I feel like I'm failing here though since she has "successes" elsewhere and is doing absolutely nothing here...and that's not the first time a parent has said that to me...apparently everyone's children poop and pee on toilets at every other daycare but here...then they come here and they just play instead of poop. ::

I would point this out to mom if she criticizes what she does at your house. How can she say anything to you if she's not having success at home? I can bet the other daycare woman is padding her success a bit too. Just keep doing what you're doing. When a parent says something to me about toilet training I always say "I've never had one go to kindergarten in diapers, so try not to worry about it."

[Kabob]

Yeah, I suspect she's been caught in the process before elsewhere so that was chalked up as a success. She really has no clue what to do on the toilet. Come to think of it, her successes at home were due to her running around naked and her mom catching her in the process.

I told dcm that most likely she'll start having successes here once she starts figuring out her urge to go means she needs to go on the toilet.

Just hate potty training since parents always seem to push it so much and play the blame game if it doesn't work...I'm just happy she is happy about sitting on the toilet...my ds won't even touch the toilet and he's older than dcg...

[Blackcat31]

Yeah, I suspect she's been caught in the process before elsewhere so that was chalked up as a success. She really has no clue what to do on the toilet. Come to think of it, her successes at home were due to her running around naked and her mom catching her in the process.

I told dcm that most likely she'll start having successes here once she starts figuring out her urge to go means she needs to go on the toilet.

Just hate potty training since parents always seem to push it so much and play the blame game if it doesn't work...I'm just happy she is happy about sitting on the toilet...my ds won't even touch the toilet and he's older than dcg...

Stop being a player in that game.

If mom asks for updates, don't give her detailed reports of what happened or didn't happen just say "She's trying" and that is ALL.

Every time mom asks more, just keep saying, "She's trying." If you feel compelled to say more just add "She's trying but it is a process"

Don't allow mom to drag you into it any deeper. Just continue to say the same thing. You aren't lying, you are being truthful. She IS trying to the best of her abilities.

Just continue to offer DCG the opportunities, support her while she is learning the necessary self-help skills and leave the rest to mom.

When you change her diaper/pull up, have her put her own pants back on. Have her take them off herself when it's time to get changed. Little things like that take time but they help. That is why so many parents just go the naked route. They can skip the time it takes to teach their child to dress/undress so naked is easier.

Then comes daycare where the child can't run around naked and the child simply starts to not care about going potty because it is too much work for them to struggle with their clothing....etc. etc...

Just do what you are doing and don't let mom draw you into a verbal back and forth about this. DCG is trying.

When she is trained, you'll both know. She will be able to SHOW you her abilities verses mom just telling you what they are.

[Kabob]

Yeah, I teach all my standing dck how to pull up/down their pants for changes. Unfortunately, dcg wears really bulky cloth diapers so she struggles with her pants and then when she gets them up, she usually undoes a button on the diapers in the process so I have to redo the diaper. But we're trying! I can tell she usually doesn't mess with clothes at home.

I'll stick to keeping it simple...I hate the comments parents make where they suggest I'm not doing anything so that's why their child isn't having success. I tell them that they will learn when they are ready.

Even my family is pressuring me to potty train my own son...they are constantly asking if he is potty trained yet and suggest that he is not trained because I'm not making him sit on the toilet. I ask them why they are so concerned and tell them he already is learning...he can dress and undress himself, flush, wipe, wash his hands, even operate the lights/door. Just tired of the pressure...

Enough with the potty pressure!

[Blackcat31]

Y.

I'll stick to keeping it simple...I hate the comments parents make where they suggest I'm not doing anything so that's why their child isn't having success. I tell them that they will learn when they are ready.

When you get comments like that, you just say "The parent is ALWAYS the leader in teaching their child the necessary skills. I ONLY provide the environment to support those skills"

Usually when you turn it around on the parents, they start to see YOU view this as THEIR responsibility. Which it is.

I had a DCM that was pushy about this too....I finally had enough of her snide, passive aggressive comments about potty training that I finally told her I would be willing to take on the task of potty training her child since she was adamant about it being my responsibility but I was not going to do it for the regular daily rate she was paying me...it was going to cost her an additional $20 per day. I told her to just let me know when she wanted me to take control so I could adjust her next invoice.

What do you know...she never mentioned toilet training again.

[midaycare]

I bet her success is nothing more than words.

Also know as, "My 27 month old is so smart and a special snowflake!"

[nanglgrl]

I agree with the others. A little story here:
Years ago I watched my sisters children (gasp..working with family..and in the end it did get messy but I digress). I planned a vacation and a fellow daycare provider and acquaintance was going to keep my sisters children. Before my trip my niece was in no way ready to be trained but when I got home I got reports of how she was doing so great at the back-up sitters house (my sister wasn't seeing it at home and in fact my niece was avoiding the potty like never before).
This was when I first started so I felt like a failure because according to the other sitter she was going on the potty 100% while with her. Time passed with me having no luck and because of difficulties dealing with my sister I told her to find new daycare and she decided to take them to the back-up sitter full time.
I talked to this sitter on a regular basis and one day I called and one of the toddlers must have gotten to the phone before she heard it. As I was about to hang up on the blubbering toddler I heard yelling and swearing in the background, what sounded like a smack and my niece crying immediately thereafter.
I called my sister to immediately pick up explaining to her that I heard the sitter yelling to stay on the potty along with some expletives and then what sounded like physical abuse. My sister immediately left to pick up and upon arriving could hear the sitter yelling and swearing from the street. She went to the window and witnessed her daughter sitting on the potty and crying. This was at least 1/2 hour after I had called so my niece had to have been sitting there for quite a while. Of course she gathered her children immediately and I called DHS.
Come to find out not that this woman's idea of potty training was sitting them on the potty until they went. It didn't matter how long and from what I heard it sounded like she used intimidation and abuse to make them stay there.
Of course this isn't the case every or even most of the time but a lot of people think if you sit them there long enough and they go it's a success. After this happened I talked to another friend and daycare provider who had clients leave her to got to his provider after using her as a back up. They left her because their child was doing so well with potty training at this other providers house. I think she used it as a way to get clients because it is one of those things that parents love to brag about.
My niece didn't up being potty trained until she was 5, I think due to the earlier trauma.
The lady is no longer in business. DHS did nothing but I told every provider I knew what I had witnessed since so many people used this lady as a back up and my sister told all of the ladies current clients and within a year she was out of business.
If you can imagine me listening on the phone to her yelling and cussing and me sitting there not being able to do anything. When I heard that slap I think I stopped breathing for a second!

[daycare]

WORDS WORDS WORDS.....DON'T BUY THEM

I have parents try to tell me this stuff all the time..... I don't buy into it.

I know what is going on here and that is all I can control, but as we know PTing we can't control any of it. It is 100% up to the child to want to go, it is our job to offer them the opportunities to go. Kind of like eating. we can offer them the food, we can't force them to eat.

I require a short meeting with the parents when we start PTing. I won't help them if they don't attend. During this meeting I go over what we will do and won't do. I talk about what their responsibility is and what mine will be. I also tell them that I will give it a full 2 weeks and if I don't see any progress, we are going to stop, give the child a break and then start all over again. There is nothing worse than potty training a child and making it a very frustrating experience for everyone involved, especially the child.

I think Nannyde has an article about it somewhere?????


Perhaps you can arrange a time to talk to the mom and let her know how you handle PTing at your house.....

I find that when we don't set the rules/expectations, the parents try to set their own and it's often not what we are willing to deal with .

[Kabob]

Thank you for sharing your experiences!

I do have a potty policy that dcm is fully aware of that we covered again when she announced she was training dcg. She just was making me feel like I wasn't as good as the other daycare with her comments. Time to talk about her expectations versus mine...

After reading about nan's niece, I no longer feel like the worst mom and daycare provider in the world for not making my kiddos sit on the potty!

Sometimes it's easy to wonder if you're doing the right thing when the only feedback you get all day is from toddlers and their parents.