Really Could Use Some Advice

[llpa]

He is 3-1/2. The last few days I have told him about an hour before that he wasn't taken them home anymore so don't even ask when dad gets here and that crying won't change it. He does fine till his foot hits the first step on the porch. then the water works start along with the stomping and screaming that I won't let him take home my Thomas. The dad picks him up and cuddles him. The entire time the boy has his nose wrinkled up and glaring at me with dagger eyes. I'm sure it pisses dad off. Mom has even said that he has a ton of trains at home.

shame on that Dad for enabling his child's anger and sense of entitlement. I would just come out and say " these are for everyone not just some. I made a mistake by letting dcb take it home to begin with. I can't let that happen again" and I would say it to dcd in front of his child. Then say "see you tomorrow dcb!" And shut the door

[nannyde]

::

He is 3-1/2. The last few days I have told him about an hour before that he wasn't taken them home anymore so don't even ask when dad gets here and that crying won't change it. He does fine till his foot hits the first step on the porch. then the water works start along with the stomping and screaming that I won't let him take home my Thomas. The dad picks him up and cuddles him. The entire time the boy has his nose wrinkled up and glaring at me with dagger eyes. I'm sure it pisses dad off. Mom has even said that he has a ton of trains at home.

I would celebrate the performance when Dad arrives. I would be very cheery and say "DCB I know you are going to cry when your Dad gets here because you want the train. Go for it. Big cheesy grin... Then when Dad comes put on a BIG fat smile and say... I'm waiting.... Once he starts... "YOU did it!!! I was right!!! Big cheesy grin...

Okay well that was really good. Now tomorrow.. I think you should maybe stomp your feet and say "I WANT the Thomas" instead of "I want the THOMAS" train. Can you try that tomorrow? The day after tomorrow I think you should try "I want the Thomas TRAIN". ::

If he is going to perform... I expect an academy award winning performance by Friday.

The issue isn't the wanting of the train... that's a kid for you. The issue is the scene with the Dad. It's time to celebrate and maybe even video tape... so he can watch it during lunch on the wide screen. happyface

Don't get upset.. do the tantrum and have some fun with it. I would have him laughing his head off after a week of seeing himself perform. I would just turn it into a joke and have it be lighthearted.

It's not really THAT big of a deal so don't let it be.

[Heidi]

::

I would celebrate the performance when Dad arrives. I would be very cheery and say "DCB I know you are going to cry when your Dad gets here because you want the train. Go for it. Big cheesy grin... Then when Dad comes put on a BIG fat smile and say... I'm waiting.... Once he starts... "YOU did it!!! I was right!!! Big cheesy grin...

Okay well that was really good. Now tomorrow.. I think you should maybe stomp your feet and say "I WANT the Thomas" instead of "I want the THOMAS" train. Can you try that tomorrow? The day after tomorrow I think you should try "I want the Thomas TRAIN". ::

If he is going to perform... I expect an academy award winning performance by Friday.

The issue isn't the wanting of the train... that's a kid for you. The issue is the scene with the Dad. It's time to celebrate and maybe even video tape... so he can watch it during lunch on the wide screen. happyface

Don't get upset.. do the tantrum and have some fun with it. I would have him laughing his head off after a week of seeing himself perform. I would just turn it into a joke and have it be lighthearted.

It's not really THAT big of a deal so don't let it be.

and you, once again, get the "creative solution" award for the day. It just might work!

[Rockgirl]

I'm too OCD about my daycare toys to ever let one out the door! Lol.

[Shell]

Sometimes we so things that we come later to regret. That time is now, and you now have a new rule. Dcd needs to respect that, period. I would do as pp's mentioned, and explain this to dcd once again- you can't allow any toys out, it's not fair, and you can't start loaning out your toys. I might go as far as to print out an ad for the toy with the price. We all know this is about control, and not the toy, but you can at least start there.

[Play Care]

Try approaching mom and/or dad AT drop off about your expectations of THEM at pick up that night:

"Dad, at pick up tonight Tommy is probably going to be upset that he is no longer allowed to take toys home from my house. I'll expect you to take the lead and help him understand that he is no longer allowed to bring my trains home."

I would INSIST the parents take control of their child once they are on your property. You should not be left standing there dealing with THEIR child while they are present.

Just because he used to do something doesn't mean he always gets to that same thing. It's life. He'll need to understand this concept at some point.

happyfacehappyfacehappyface

[daycarediva]

I'd put the trains away for a while. I can see why dcb had a melt down though......consistency. First he was allowed, now he's not.

Agree, I'd speak to whoever picks up also. Can't cry over something that isn't there.

When I reintroduced them "Now Joey the trains can stay out as long as you don't cry to take them home..."

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't remove the trains.

I think it's a punishment for all kids then because of one child's behavior.

He's 3. I think he is perfectly capable of understanding that just because he did something before, doesn't mean he gets to always do it.

He used to wear diapers
He used to be feed via a bottle or nursed
He used to not be able to speak
He used to be 2
He used to be the only kid at daycare
He used to stay home

Life changes all the time...... He needs to adjust to these changes and making everyone suffer or go without is setting him up to think that HIS behavior will always be the behavior in which all happenings/rules etc are based.

What happens next week when he starts focusing on the Hot Wheel cars because the trains are no longer out. Then the following week, it's whatever toy he can snag on the way out the door.

I don't believe it has anything to do with the train. It has more to do with who the boss is or rather who thinks they are the boss.



OP~ Maybe you should consider purchasing a train that DCB's dad can rent.

$50 each time DCB takes it home. Wonder how fast his tune would change when it's HIS money we are dealing with?

[daycare]

OP~ Maybe you should consider purchasing a train that DCB's dad can rent.

$50 each time DCB takes it home. Wonder how fast his tune would change when it's HIS money we are dealing with?

BRILLIANT!!

The child is playing you against dad and trying to Power over you with his Full Time Boss. Don't play the game.

I agree that it is not about the trains its about the child manipulating dad and getting dad to power over you to give in.

He is 3, he can understand a lot of words. Sorry johnny, I can't let you take them home anymore. Imagine what would happen if I let everyone take a toy home with them. OH MY GOSH, we would have no toys at daycare and everyone would be really sad because there would be no toys to play with. I want you to have the most fun when you are here, so the toys all have to stay here. Thanks for listening like a big boy.

[Thriftylady]

Oh my gosh!!!! I just fell in love with the letting dad rent option!

[Cozy_Kids_Childcare]

I wouldn't remove the trains.

I think it's a punishment for all kids then because of one child's behavior.

He's 3. I think he is perfectly capable of understanding that just because he did something before, doesn't mean he gets to always do it.

He used to wear diapers
He used to be feed via a bottle or nursed
He used to not be able to speak
He used to be 2
He used to be the only kid at daycare
He used to stay home

Life changes all the time...... He needs to adjust to these changes and making everyone suffer or go without is setting him up to think that HIS behavior will always be the behavior in which all happenings/rules etc are based.

What happens next week when he starts focusing on the Hot Wheel cars because the trains are no longer out. Then the following week, it's whatever toy he can snag on the way out the door.

I don't believe it has anything to do with the train. It has more to do with who the boss is or rather who thinks they are the boss.



OP~ Maybe you should consider purchasing a train that DCB's dad can rent.

$50 each time DCB takes it home. Wonder how fast his tune would change when it's HIS money we are dealing with?

I didn't think about all you said. I think your right. He will just find the next best thing. Hit them in the pocketbook!

[Naptime yet?]

I think I get the "worse provider" award. I had a 2yr old who wanted to take cars home. Mom seemed ok with it; I told dcb you have two choices: you give me the car & I'll put it in a certain place where you will find it in the morning OR I will take it from you and you may or may not find it tomorrow morning and mommy can deal with your tantrum on your way out the door. And you have 30 seconds to decide: go!

I tell the older kids, your toys stay at your house, my toys stay at mine. And don't ask mom or dad if you can take MY toys home because you can't, only I can give you permission.