Really Could Use Some Advice

[Cozy_Kids_Childcare]

I have a DCB who I use to let take one of my trains home. I only had him and his sister. Well they left for the summer and now he wants to do it again. I have more kids now and things have changed. He has been back for three weeks and it wasn't until this week when dad started picking up that he has started this again. Tuesday. he was so bad that I taped the train bin shut and wouldn't let him play with them. When his dad walked in ( usually meet him outside but was busy changing baby) the boy goes over and untapped the bin and said I'm taking Thomas home. I went over picked him up and said no your not. He proceeded to scream at me and call me a liar because I said we've talked about this and I told you no before dad even got here.
Yesterday. I told him several times not to even ask because it wasn't happening. As soon as we go out to meet dad boy starts his huffy crying stomping feet I wanna take Thomas home. His dad was like why can't you take Thomas home. Because they are mine and not his to take home. Other kids here like to play too. I'm considering taking trains and tracks out of here all together. Am I doing the right thing by saying no this time around? Should I just give him one to take back and forth? Parents are very submissive to him and no discipline at any level.

[Josiegirl]

Can you send home a newsletter or something, stating new rules?
And NOOOO, you are not being mean by changing the way you do things!!

I've got to write another newsletter, telling parents no more borrowing anything. I have kids that ask often and it's never been too much of a problem. There were some things donated to our daycare and a dcb borrowed some of them. It took 2 weeks to get part of them back and I haven't seen the rest of it yet. And don't ask me why but I always feel bad asking for stuff back. I'm just crazy like that.

Doesn't sound like NO would be a bad word for this kid to hear. From someone! Simply tell dcf your policies have since changed.

Just wanted to add I let a dcg borrow some brand new Lakeshore musical eggs that were part of an instrument package I bought with grant money. When I asked about them later, they couldn't be found at home anywhere. Dcm said she must've thrown them out, thinking they were nothing to keep. She offered to pay for them but being the wishy-washy dcprovider that I am, I said no that's alright. Then there was another instance when I used to let a dcg borrow things. I had left my portable phone on the couch(don't ask me why, it was a long time ago) and when dcm came in to collect her things(we were outside) she took it because her dd wanted it. When I asked dcm about it she said she thought it was a play phone. She lost it and I did ask to be paid for that.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I'd put the trains away for a while. I can see why dcb had a melt down though......consistency. First he was allowed, now he's not.

[Second Home]

I would pack all the trains away for a while . I rotate through my toys anyway so the kids understand when something is gone for a while .

[Thriftylady]

I would put the trains away for awhile AND send a letter home stating any policy changes, maybe make it into a newsletter so it doesn't seem aimed at one family. Then hopefully once they have been put away for a bit dcb will get the message.

[NightOwl]

He's just in that routine. Leave Cozy's house = take Thomas home. I would pack them away for a while. Most of us rotate toys anyway, so tell dcb and dcd that they're in storage due to rotation. However, I would still send home a note/newsletter stating that you will be enforcing your rule about toys staying in your home and no more borrowing.

[Blackcat31]

Try approaching mom and/or dad AT drop off about your expectations of THEM at pick up that night:

"Dad, at pick up tonight Tommy is probably going to be upset that he is no longer allowed to take toys home from my house. I'll expect you to take the lead and help him understand that he is no longer allowed to bring my trains home."

I would INSIST the parents take control of their child once they are on your property. You should not be left standing there dealing with THEIR child while they are present.

Just because he used to do something doesn't mean he always gets to that same thing. It's life. He'll need to understand this concept at some point.

[TheGoodLife]

I swear, reading some of these thing just makes me SO upset! I can't believe some of the things that I see happening- what in the world is wrong with people?! Why would anyone thinks it's OK to just take something home with them that doesn't belong to them? I feel so bad for providers anytime I see this, and it makes me so sad thinking that this is becoming the "norm" for generations- self-entitled, self-centered ways of thinking Where are all the manners and respect- I'm not THAT old, so it's not like I'm from an older generation and I'd never, ever think of doing most of these things that other parents do! But then again, I am always praised for raising nice, polite kids- and I just wonder why other parents can't have common sense and do things similarly? (Oh yeah, it's "hard" and you can't be lazy!!) OK, off the soapbox!

Ok, that was no help, but I just had to get that out! For the OP, I'd never feel bad for saying no- and I'd also let the DCPs (or just DCD if that's who is seeing all the problems) that the trains belong to the daycare and that they need to speak with the child about not trying to take things home that don't belong to the DCb about appropriate behavior. Sounds like the DCB is a bit older, from the way you described him and he needs to understand that it is not OK to act like that!

[llpa]

I'd put the trains away for a while. I can see why dcb had a melt down though......consistency. First he was allowed, now he's not.

I agree! Get them out of sight and mind for a while. If he tries to talk about it, I would explain one time that you did allow him to take them when he was the only child there, but you can no longer do so. End of explaination. Period. If he keeps trying to talk about it, I would get busy with something else.

[Cat Herder]

Team Banish the Trains...

Daddy needs a huge dose of NO.

"DCB, I made a mistake. I should not have let you take the train home. I can't do it again. You can play with cars and trucks here, though. Go. Play Toys."

Teachable moment in personal accountability + boundaries + options = Win

[Meyou]

Those trains would be gone, gone and gone. I would tell Dad, "Sorry Dad. The trains are on vacation due to tantrums over children wanting to take them home. Since DCB loves trains so much you can buy them at Toys R Us."

[daycare]

Try approaching mom and/or dad AT drop off about your expectations of THEM at pick up that night:

"Dad, at pick up tonight Tommy is probably going to be upset that he is no longer allowed to take toys home from my house. I'll expect you to take the lead and help him understand that he is no longer allowed to bring my trains home."

I would INSIST the parents take control of their child once they are on your property. You should not be left standing there dealing with THEIR child while they are present.

Just because he used to do something doesn't mean he always gets to that same thing. It's life. He'll need to understand this concept at some point.

This This This!!! I have a dcb who is only 18 months and every day dad is letting him take home the hotwheels because he does not want to hear DCB scream if he makes him put it back.

Well I talked to the parents about it saying that I can't allow it, I don't allow anyone else to do it and it is setting the child up to fail in other environments. It's not his, he can't have it.

Because of my dcbs age, I just removed the bin of cars about 30minutes before pick up so that we don't have to deal with it.


How old is yoru DCB? can you tell him johnny, if I let you take thomas home, then all of the kids will also want to take thomas home and when you come back there will be no toys left to play with. Maybe you can ask your parents how you can earn one that you can buy at the store and keep at home for yourself....

[AmyKidsCo]

ITA with Blackcat. Approach the parent ahead of time and ask for his help - it's always good to get them on your side at the beginning. If dad is reluctant I'd say something about how they wouldn't take toys home from the Dr's office, or the church nursery, etc.

[Cozy_Kids_Childcare]

Thanks ladies. I'm gonna take them out of here. I felt bad that it is something he use to do before he was gone all summer then I took it away. He has been back for three week and this week was the first time it started. It's also the first week dad started pick ups again. I've talked with mom and dad both. Mom said he can't have what he wants all the time. Dad just well why can't you take it? Because it's not his is the answer I want to say but I just pretend like I don't hear it.

[Cozy_Kids_Childcare]

This This This!!! I have a dcb who is only 18 months and every day dad is letting him take home the hotwheels because he does not want to hear DCB scream if he makes him put it back.

Well I talked to the parents about it saying that I can't allow it, I don't allow anyone else to do it and it is setting the child up to fail in other environments. It's not his, he can't have it.

Because of my dcbs age, I just removed the bin of cars about 30minutes before pick up so that we don't have to deal with it.


How old is yoru DCB? can you tell him johnny, if I let you take thomas home, then all of the kids will also want to take thomas home and when you come back there will be no toys left to play with. Maybe you can ask your parents how you can earn one that you can buy at the store and keep at home for yourself....

He is 3-1/2. The last few days I have told him about an hour before that he wasn't taken them home anymore so don't even ask when dad gets here and that crying won't change it. He does fine till his foot hits the first step on the porch. then the water works start along with the stomping and screaming that I won't let him take home my Thomas. The dad picks him up and cuddles him. The entire time the boy has his nose wrinkled up and glaring at me with dagger eyes. I'm sure it pisses dad off. Mom has even said that he has a ton of trains at home.