No longer want a child in my daycare, how to tell parents?

[MommyEMOJ]

I'm new here and also to the day care business but looking for major advice. I am coming up on one year of running my day care and have 1 dcb that I think I need to terminate. I have had him since he was 12 weeks old and he's 10 months old now but I don't think I should care for him anymore. He used to scream and puke all day and although they have gotten a little better, he still crawls around and cries all day. His parents just keep chalking it up to things like teething and stuff. Not only that but his parents insist he is ready to eat table food/lunches with the rest of the kids but refuses to feed himself and only has 2 teeth so I don't think he's ready. When I'm feeding 5 kids their grilled cheese and veggies, I don't want to have to spoon feed him every bite. I'm fine with spoon feeding baby food when I'm NOT trying to keep everyone else happy at the table. I keep making excuses to keep him and keep trying but I think ultimately, I'm chicken to term and it's really starting to take a toll on me. I'm starting to raise my voice at everyone when I'm irritated. I can honestly say I don't think I've bonded with him since day 1. I just don't know how to say "it's just not working out" when it's been 7-8 months!! First I thought his fussiness/puking was her breastmilk, then that stopped and I thought it was the formula, then I thought it was dairy, i kept thinking it would get better but he's just so whiny all day and it's really stressing me out. Help?! I feel like a horrible person for simply just not WANTING a child in my care but I think he should go to someone who gives him what he needs.... Right?

Oh an also, every other week they change his feeding/sleeping schedule so that prolly doesn't help!

[racemom]

You said it perfectly in your post. He needs to go to someone who gives him what he needs. IT is not your or dcb's fault, it just isn't working for either of you, and that is exactly what I would tell dcm.

[rosieteddy]

I really feel for you.I have a few challenges this year myself.I know it usually gets better,but sometimes we just have to know when to give up.On the issue of feeding I would refuse to feed table food until one year old.I would tell the parents it is a nutrition issue and that breast milk and formula are more important the first year.Do the parents provide baby food? If they do insist on it ,tell them a feeding schedule that works for you.Then if they totally disregard it I would term.I have termed only 2 children in 30+ years.I came real close last april.I had a child who was a pill from Aug -april.She fussed and cried a lot ,one day as her mom was coming in I had had it.I handed her the child fussing and carring on.I said shes yours you take her.Now that was truly my breaking point.It almost seemed like the child got it (I know impossible)she arrived the next week a differant child .Ate ,slept played mostly happily.So you never know.This week starting with a 7 month old ,he fussed all day today if not held.In this job things repeat .Good luck and do what you feel is best for all concerned.

[Unregistered]

I really feel for you.I have a few challenges this year myself.I know it usually gets better,but sometimes we just have to know when to give up.On the issue of feeding I would refuse to feed table food until one year old.I would tell the parents it is a nutrition issue and that breast milk and formula are more important the first year.Do the parents provide baby food? If they do insist on it ,tell them a feeding schedule that works for you.Then if they totally disregard it I would term.I have termed only 2 children in 30+ years.I came real close last april.I had a child who was a pill from Aug -april.She fussed and cried a lot ,one day as her mom was coming in I had had it.I handed her the child fussing and carring on.I said shes yours you take her.Now that was truly my breaking point.It almost seemed like the child got it (I know impossible)she arrived the next week a differant child .Ate ,slept played mostly happily.So you never know.This week starting with a 7 month old ,he fussed all day today if not held.In this job things repeat .Good luck and do what you feel is best for all concerned.

Thanks for the advice! Rosieteddy, Unfortunately I have 2 other babies (one is my own) who are 11-11.5 months who have pretty much weaned themselves from baby food onto table food so I don't think I can use the nutritional reason. They do provide me baby food but a lot of it is those gerber trays with diced fruit/veggies that he once again, doesn't feed himself. I think I'm just going to have to face the music at some point in time. I really like DCM and DCD so it is going to be hard but I'm just not clicking with him.

[e.j.]

! I feel like a horrible person for simply just not WANTING a child in my care but I think he should go to someone who gives him what he needs.... Right?

You're not a horrible person. You've made a real effort to care for this child and it's just not working out. We can't be all things to all people - day care kids included. If it were me, I would say something like, "Dcm, I've been caring for *** for several months now and as hard as I've tried, he just doesn't seem to be settling in. Unfortunately, his fussing is starting to impact me and the other kids in my care. I've given it a great deal of thought and as much as it hurts me to say this, I have to ask you to find someone else to watch ****. The last day I can care for him is XXXX." If you can give her a list of local providers and their phone numbers, I'd do that for her.

Good luck with your decision. I know it's not easy but once he's gone, I'll bet you feel as thought a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

[preschoolteacher]

You're not a horrible person. You've made a real effort to care for this child and it's just not working out. We can't be all things to all people - day care kids included. If it were me, I would say something like, "Dcm, I've been caring for *** for several months now and as hard as I've tried, he just doesn't seem to be settling in. Unfortunately, his fussing is starting to impact me and the other kids in my care. I've given it a great deal of thought and as much as it hurts me to say this, I have to ask you to find someone else to watch ****. The last day I can care for him is XXXX." If you can give her a list of local providers and their phone numbers, I'd do that for her.

Good luck with your decision. I know it's not easy but once he's gone, I'll bet you feel as thought a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

I think this example letter is perfect.

You're making the right choice. Everyone will be better off in a more peaceful environment!

[daycare]

you know yourself best...

I look at it like this....look at your environment. How does it affect the rest of the children? Crying is a VERY DIFFICULT sound to have to hear for even a few minutes, I can't imagine how you have managed it all day. Think about the other children and how they must feel. Stressed, scared, worried, and etc.

We can't save them all and we can't help them all. Especially if the parents are not helping you to resolve the issues at hand.


search term letters on here and you will find many good ones. Keep it short, sweet and straight to the point.

Hugs to you for having to deal with this for so long

[craftymissbeth]

PP have given great advice. I agree with your decision to term.

I do have a question, though. How do your infants normally learn to self feed if you refuse to? They'll never learn if they aren't given every opportunity to do so. Also, teeth or no teeth has no bearing on whether they're ready to eat solid foods... it just has a bearing on which foods you serve. I have a 9 mo with no teeth at all and he gnawed contentedly on a stalk of raw broccoli at lunch today.

I don't mean to offend you... I'm genuinely curious.