How to gently term a family? Little Boy makes the days terrible

[LovetheSun]

Hello!

I recently opened a daycare (less than a year) and everything is going very well beside one little boy...

At first we had the patience but now I go to sleep stressing so much over the next day

He attend few times a week only. And I fear them! Without him everything is so peaceful.

The problem is that I truly care for him, he has a good heart. I can see he wants love and attention but his parents are paying no attention to him! Poor baby! He goes to daycare (3 in total) 7Days a week...

When he first started Mom did not say all this, we put it together by listening to her talking about their week... He even has nights babysitters.

Basically he has no education and multiple care givers.


It break my hearts but the other children are starting to rub off on his ab behaviors and that worries me (on top on us starting to be inpatients)

The other kids seem to be bother by his actions (screaming all day).

What would you do?

His mom is nice, I think she is just very young and seem overwhelmed...

[daycare]

If you have reached your limits and know you can't offer this child what they need then I would say let them go. You did everything you could and your out of your little bag of tricks. We have all been in your shoes...

I would give them a written term notice and keep it short sweet and simple.

Dear DCF,

As of xxx date we will no longer be able to provide services for your child. The number for our resources and referral drept is 555-1212.

We wish you the best of luck,
your dcp

Have you tried talking to the parents about the childs behavior?

[cheerfuldom]

Forget the "gently" part, just term. Most of the time, the huge majority, terms are painful for all parties and there is just no way to do it so that everyone leaves happy. Mom has to find new care, there is no way she is going to be happy about that. I understand you care about him and I am sure he does deserve better than constant daycare but you have to remember, you are not his parent. There are many problems in daycare that we providers cannot solve and this is one of them. Just type up a simple note and drop the bomb tomorrow. Whatever mom says, just keep repeating "I understand you didnt want to hear this news but it is not negotiable. My program is not the right fit for him" Dont be swayed if she gets mad or starts crying (both very common reactions) because all that emotion does not change the fact that you can't handle this kid anymore.

[Laurel]

Hello!

I recently opened a daycare (less than a year) and everything is going very well beside one little boy...

At first we had the patience but now I go to sleep stressing so much over the next day

He attend few times a week only. And I fear them! Without him everything is so peaceful.

The problem is that I truly care for him, he has a good heart. I can see he wants love and attention but his parents are paying no attention to him! Poor baby! He goes to daycare (3 in total) 7Days a week...

When he first started Mom did not say all this, we put it together by listening to her talking about their week... He even has nights babysitters.

Basically he has no education and multiple care givers.


It break my hearts but the other children are starting to rub off on his ab behaviors and that worries me (on top on us starting to be inpatients)

The other kids seem to be bother by his actions (screaming all day).

What would you do?

His mom is nice, I think she is just very young and seem overwhelmed...

I would just tell her that I'm sorry but I cannot watch him anymore. I might say that I am having a hard time getting him to follow the rules. I'd say that I've tried different things and it isn't working out. Sorry.

I wouldn't leave it open ended so that she thinks if he just shapes up he can stay. Then she might try for a bit, slack off, and it will be never ending. If she doesn't let it go I'd just say "Sorry, I can't do it." Repeat that as much as necessary.

Laurel

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I just termed a child who is not cooperative with me and they are in their final weeks here. I heard a lot of things...why did I never address this issue with the parent (I had for the past 3 months so I didn't respond to that), why did I not tell her how serious it was (the multiple issue reports made it apparent that it was SERIOUS or I wouldn't address it), I should have done a behavior plan (I didn't because she became aggressive and so I put in my term notice that very day as I no longer tolerate that kind of stuff), etc. Every single day my decision has been reinforced. The bad behavior has not improved at all despite many serious, stern talks while at preschool from Mom.

Sometimes, even if a parent LIKES it at your daycare it doesn't mean they need to STAY at your daycare. Same goes for even if you LIKE the child it doesn't mean they need to STAY at your daycare. It isn't fair to all of the others and it isn't fair to you.

[LovetheSun]

Thank you all for your advices!

Is so difficult to do what is right for us! I realize how many provider can have such a hard time doing what is best for us instead of the families...
And I truly admire the ones who are able to speak their mind.

After nicely telling the mom that he is giving us a difficult time and that he might need changes done in order to behave better, the mom admitted to be impatience and over tired. She does not want to deal with him
But she said things will change in the coming months so I am giving myself a 3 months deathline if things don't change I will need to find my courage.

[Thriftylady]

Honestly, I don't know that I would give three months. I would write the probation notice for a much shorter time say 2-3 weeks. I would put on there that it can be re-evaluated on XX date and be decided for termination, another probation period, or the probation can end. Then on that date follow through. It gives you an out, yet keeps you from terming right now.

[lynne]

Honestly, I don't know that I would give three months. I would write the probation notice for a much shorter time say 2-3 weeks. I would put on there that it can be re-evaluated on XX date and be decided for termination, another probation period, or the probation can end. Then on that date follow through. It gives you an out, yet keeps you from terming right now.

Some times it's not worth your time and sanity!

[LovetheSun]

Honestly, I don't know that I would give three months. I would write the probation notice for a much shorter time say 2-3 weeks. I would put on there that it can be re-evaluated on XX date and be decided for termination, another probation period, or the probation can end. Then on that date follow through. It gives you an out, yet keeps you from terming right now.

Oh I didn't think of doing a Probation! Is it a good idea.

Do you have this in your contract as well? That a probation will be giving if there is behavior issues?

Thank you!

[nannyde]

, the mom admitted to be impatience and over tired. She does not want to deal with him .

I have a chapter in my book about parents who don't want to do ANY parenting. I call them UnParents

A kid who doesn't have parents parenting him can not grow up healthy mentally. It's impossible. I feel sorry for him. I just don't get why they don't place him for adoption.

[LovetheSun]

I have a chapter in my book about parents who don't want to do ANY parenting. I call them UnParents

A kid who doesn't have parents parenting him can not grow up healthy mentally. It's impossible. I feel sorry for him. I just don't get why they don't place him for adoption.

I know is pretty sad and I feel that if I let him go I am a other person who gave up on him...

I can tell he is a sweet little boy, but he has no guideline and education.
And because he only come part time He doesn't spend enough time here for me to make a big difference...

First day he was here he throw a toy accross the room, he was so surprise I caught him! He look shocked I notice and had a talk about it. (Little boy didn't even know how to use crayons)

Could I read that chapter in your book? Is it online...?

Thank you

[Thriftylady]

Oh I didn't think of doing a Probation! Is it a good idea.

Do you have this in your contract as well? That a probation will be giving if there is behavior issues?

Thank you!

I have it in my handbook that if the provider deems it necessary a probation period may be put in place. That is about it. Then a separate form for the probation period listing why, what improvement we are looking for, how long of term, when it will be reevaluated and the choices at reevaluation. Haven't used it yet, because I am just restarting but I wish I had done it the last time I did care! It would have saved me the headache. Now if I can just find a way to do one on parents .

[cheerfuldom]

okay so you know this child is not a good fit and you know the parent is aware of it but not particularly interested in addressing it......so what exactly is going to be the benefit of waiting 3 months? this child is not going to magically change with time and more likely, going to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger and tests more boundaries. you mentioned he throws and I am guessing shows other signs of aggression.....you have liability in keeping a child you know is aggressive and you cant control. If someone else gets hurt, it will be you and your business that suffers. Why wait 3 months to find your backbone? Just write up either a probation period or a termination now. seriously, it is not going to be easier down the road. and mom will just hang out until you give her the boot so might as well do it sooner rather than later

[Thriftylady]

okay so you know this child is not a good fit and you know the parent is aware of it but not particularly interested in addressing it......so what exactly is going to be the benefit of waiting 3 months? this child is not going to magically change with time and more likely, going to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger and tests more boundaries. you mentioned he throws and I am guessing shows other signs of aggression.....you have liability in keeping a child you know is aggressive and you cant control. If someone else gets hurt, it will be you and your business that suffers. Why wait 3 months to find your backbone? Just write up either a probation period or a termination now. seriously, it is not going to be easier down the road. and mom will just hang out until you give her the boot so might as well do it sooner rather than later

Totally agree with this, but probation period MAY turn it around. Mom will then know you are serious.

[LovetheSun]

okay so you know this child is not a good fit and you know the parent is aware of it but not particularly interested in addressing it......so what exactly is going to be the benefit of waiting 3 months? this child is not going to magically change with time and more likely, going to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger and tests more boundaries. you mentioned he throws and I am guessing shows other signs of aggression.....you have liability in keeping a child you know is aggressive and you cant control. If someone else gets hurt, it will be you and your business that suffers. Why wait 3 months to find your backbone? Just write up either a probation period or a termination now. seriously, it is not going to be easier down the road. and mom will just hang out until you give her the boot so might as well do it sooner rather than later

I'm not waiting for a "backbone" I have a full house.
Is actually because I do understand life can be overwhelming and if there is a chance that the mom/child behavior will change I will take it. As everyone deserve a chance to make up for what they do wrong...

I guess 3 months does sound like a lot but His behavior can't change in couple weeks...
The grandparents are coming to help out maybe the mom is having a breakdown (and didn't share it) or maybe nothing will change and that's why I like the probation idea.

He is not physically aggressively. All the kids are safe, he isn't mean as I mention he is a sweetheart who doesn't know right or wrong and won't test our limits (caregivers) then the others kids follow (they don't hit or push) or he would say "No" to everything, jump on bed, run away when called.

I truly appreciate all Of you guys advices. I might be too soft on this, and I will definitely add the probation on my 2015 contract.