baby jail

[jenboo]

I have a 2.5 year old DCB. He is stressful to say the least. I have mentioned him many times before. I've never seen a child more strong willed. He constantly breaks every rule I have (no grabbing toys from friends, no climbing on furniture, no throwing toys, etc). He also encourages and tells the other kids to break the rules. They all feed off of him and it gets crazy. Parents are wonderful and I know their whole family. They are doing everything they can think of to get him to listen. He is a risky different child when he doesn't have an audience. He also 100% regressed in potty training. He was fully potty trained abs now he won't even tell him if he peed his pants.
Anyway, I set up my play yard today and had him pick two toys and two books to take in with him (he was chasing all the kids down and taking any toy they had).
For those of you who use the "baby jail" what are your guidelines?
It's been so nice with him in it... Everyone else has been playing so well! It's like night and day!
BTW I have 5 2 yr old boys and an 8 month old girl.

[Heidi]

I would say, maybe that's what he needs. He may get overstimulated and having that space to himself may be a good thing. A couple thoughts, though.

1. Make sure he has your state's minimum area. Ours is 35 sq ft per child, so anything less than that would be considered confinement. Do you have enough space to give up a 5x7 area?

2. Make it a positive thing, and teach him to choose it. "Sam, when you get wild, you're showing me you're overwhelmed. I'd like you to go to your alone-zone (a cute name always helps) for a while and calm down. I don't know if I'd do a lot of choosing with him. Set the area up ahead of time with a few books, some sensory bottles, and a few favorites. Maybe a mirror, too, if you have one. Maybe rotate the toys and books out weekly.

The long range goal would be for him to say "I need alone time!".

Here are some great ideas:

http://www.pinterest.com/explore/calm-down-corner/

Dang, if you had enough room, you could make two such areas. One for him, one for the others kids. Or, you could not gate it off, and just make it an alone-zone for anyone to use.

[jenboo]

I didn't even think about needing the minimum sq ft. Ours is 35 too. My area is small so a regular sized super yard takes up a lot of space.

He has to be gated or he won't stay in an area. I wish I could video him. I would physically have to hold him to keep him in an area. He won't stay put.

[cheerfuldom]

You know what, I agree that he is over-stimulated. I would have the parents explore sensory processing disorder. The fact that he has regressed with potty training and is constantly looking for physical stimulation sounds just like my second daughter. She is a sensory seeker and these kids need A LOT of physical activity, specific techniques to help them calm their bodies and A LOT of direct supervision. I would imagine that a larger group care situation is not going to be a good fit for him no matter what you do......

[jenboo]

Looking into over simulation, the only part that seems to match up is the defiance.
Here is an example that occurs often.
DCB 1 (the one I'm having trouble with) will be the first one to arrive and will be sitting on the carpet playing with cars nicely.

DCB 2 will arrive. DCB 1 throws the cars, tackles DCB 2 runs around the room screaming saying "get me!". DCB 2 of course laughs and chases him.

DCB 1 and 2 are cousins BTW.

Another example.
DCB 1 knows that's when we are finished eating lunch we sit to read books. All the other kids are sitting down reading. DCB 1 goes over to the mirror on the wall in the library and starts making funny faces in the mirror and screening. I remind him that it's time to read and I help him pick a book. I go back to cleaning up lunch and he continues to do the mirror thing again but this times gets his friends to do it too. Now I have 5 kids running around screaming.

Here is a potty training ex.
DCB arrives. We have a talk and I ask him where we go potty etc. He tells me in the potty not our underware. I tell him to tell me when he needs to go so I can open the baby gate for him. 10 min later we get ready to go outside. I ask him if he needs to go potty and he says no I'm good. Then a minute later he pees his pants. I ask him where we go potty and he says in our pants! While smirking and laughing.

If I remind him tables arent for sitting on, we sit in chairs he will smirk, laugh and say watch me as he climbs back on the table.

This is our day all day long.

Does this still sound like a sensory disorder? If so, I'll talk to his parents about getting him evaluated.

[cheerfuldom]

No with those details, he just sounds wild and not at all interested in pleasing the adults around him. He would rather get everyone worked up because that is how he has fun. It doesn't help that he has a cousin because that is just as bad as a sibling IMO. At this point, I would just suggest they put him in a school that caters to his "high energy" as you are no longer the right fit for him. A real disorder would display in a way that an evaluator can see that the child is not in control of his actions. What you are describing sounds completely deliberate especially since he can describe exactly the rules and expectations.

[jenboo]

No with those details, he just sounds wild and not at all interested in pleasing the adults around him. He would rather get everyone worked up because that is how he has fun. It doesn't help that he has a cousin because that is just as bad as a sibling IMO. At this point, I would just suggest they put him in a school that caters to his "high energy" as you are no longer the right fit for him. A real disorder would display in a way that an evaluator can see that the child is not in control of his actions. What you are describing sounds completely deliberate especially since he can describe exactly the rules and expectations.

I was just looking up addiction to negative attention and it sounds just like him. It's so frustrating. I want to give it one last chance before I talk about terming with his parents. They are trying so hard. He is just so difficult.

[Heidi]

No with those details, he just sounds wild and not at all interested in pleasing the adults around him. He would rather get everyone worked up because that is how he has fun. It doesn't help that he has a cousin because that is just as bad as a sibling IMO. At this point, I would just suggest they put him in a school that caters to his "high energy" as you are no longer the right fit for him. A real disorder would display in a way that an evaluator can see that the child is not in control of his actions. What you are describing sounds completely deliberate especially since he can describe exactly the rules and expectations.

[cheerfuldom]

I was just looking up addiction to negative attention and it sounds just like him. It's so frustrating. I want to give it one last chance before I talk about terming with his parents. They are trying so hard. He is just so difficult.

go ahead if that is what you want to do but it sounds like you have done everything you can and the parents are at a loss too. I dont see that "one more chance" would do anything other than prolong the transition to new care. You will give him that chance (a couple weeks?) and then have to give notice period and end up dealing with this kid for at least another month. not worth it IMO