"Gifted" and bossy

[preschoolteacher]

My son is 24 months. He talks in complete sentences with correct grammar. He is a smart little guy and functions intellectually about 1-1.5 years beyond his age, based on my own experience working with 3 year olds. I used the word gifted for lack of a better description. I'm also probably experiencing some mom bias

I want to help him develop socially. He is a major extrovert and is happy as can be in a crowd and with many kids. The problem is that he is much more verbal than the other kids his age and kids a little older. He creates complex imaginative games... And bosses the other kids around more and more frequently. He's polite... Says please and thank you as he's telling them what to do... But he wants it his way!

He is able to identify his emotions and says he's scared, frustrated, sad, mad, grumpy, happy, and so on. He recognizes and responds to these emotions in the other kids too.

How would you approach this? Specifically, he wants someone to play and that child says no. Or the child will play but not in the way he wants.

I wonder if he'd do better being with older kids more often? The other kids are not playing the kinds of games he wants to play. He wants to build a car (blankets, furniture rearranging), drive it to the store, and then have a tow truck pull it from the ditch. The other kids are not developmentally there. They play more one-step games like feed the baby, or they use toys as intended (build with blocks) when he wants the blocks to be the dirt in his dump truck.

Ideas?

[Heidi]

I would def. say that if you can get a few older kids enrolled, he may enjoy that.

My daughter attended another program for a week before her 2nd birthday (I had a ratio issue). The director told me that by hour 2, she was in with the 3-5 year olds. She's 17 now, so that was a while ago.

Here is a website that I've found to be really helpful.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

[Blackcat31]

My son is 24 months. He talks in complete sentences with correct grammar. He is a smart little guy and functions intellectually about 1-1.5 years beyond his age, based on my own experience working with 3 year olds. I used the word gifted for lack of a better description. I'm also probably experiencing some mom bias

I want to help him develop socially. He is a major extrovert and is happy as can be in a crowd and with many kids. The problem is that he is much more verbal than the other kids his age and kids a little older. He creates complex imaginative games... And bosses the other kids around more and more frequently. He's polite... Says please and thank you as he's telling them what to do... But he wants it his way!

He is able to identify his emotions and says he's scared, frustrated, sad, mad, grumpy, happy, and so on. He recognizes and responds to these emotions in the other kids too.

How would you approach this? Specifically, he wants someone to play and that child says no. Or the child will play but not in the way he wants.

I wonder if he'd do better being with older kids more often? The other kids are not playing the kinds of games he wants to play. He wants to build a car (blankets, furniture rearranging), drive it to the store, and then have a tow truck pull it from the ditch. The other kids are not developmentally there. They play more one-step games like feed the baby, or they use toys as intended (build with blocks) when he wants the blocks to be the dirt in his dump truck.

Ideas?

I'd focus more on that (the bolded part). Although he may be more advanced than other kids his age in regards to language and speech, it doesn't mean ALL his other skills are as advanced.

My son is/was (he's 23 now) VERY similar. Very advanced with language and communication but lacked the skills to understand that everything couldn't be done his way or played his way.

Learning to play WITH someone else (where each contributes equally) is not something kids seems to grasp until a little closer to 3 or even older for some kids.

IMO, when one skill or area is advanced, it's important to remember that it doesn't mean ALL the skills/areas are advanced and sometimes we either have to work hard at getting them (skills/areas) all on the same level or we just have to wait until they all catch up with each other.

Sounds like you have an awesome little guy on your hands. It's going to be hard sometimes for him when his peers don't understand on the same level as he does but with a little time and patience, (and support from his mama!) he'll figure it out.

[SignMeUp]

One of my now-kindergarteners has the same traits you describe, and I mean absolutely no offense in saying that his social skills are at age level, while his other skills are advanced. This takes nothing away from his wonderful, smart, unique self!
Work with him, just as you would any other child his age. Keep social expectations high. Model appropriate language. Give him appropriate words to use when a situation comes up.
My boy is a delight at five, who can hold interesting, emotionally deep conversations, much of it on a near-adult level. He struggled with social skills this summer, but I believe he had some pre-K anxiety. This is an explanation, NOT an excuse for unseemly behavior, KWIM? About two weeks ago, he settled in again and I think he will do fine in school, because his parents and I worked as a team, both to provide for his cognitive appetite, and to build on his interpersonal skills.

[bananas]

My daughter is the same. She is also newly 2 and is very verbally advanced for her age and has a very vivid imagination (likes to pretend there's porcupines hiding in the closet, likes to pretend she's taking the engine off the "beaver" (type of airplane) so she can fix it before she buckles up and flies to the restaurant, likes to bite her granola bar into isosceles triangles..). The other kids her age really don't understand her kind of play, but she gets along VERY well with my 3 year old DCG - they're best buddies! They sat at the top of the slide today and had over a 10 minute long conversation about pretending they were fighting fires on the fire engine... without the 3 year old there my daughter would be very bored!

Likewise, my daughter is .... challenging. She can be so overly dramatic and whiney and was the world's worst colicky baby.

[mamamanda]

He sounds a lot like my son! Almost identical. We had the same type of issues. Mine just turned 3 this summer and we have worked a whole lot this year on explaining that sometimes people have different opinions or want to play different ways and that's ok. Being different isn't the same as being wrong. He is starting to get it, but its a process. In the interim you might make sure you are offering your ds plenty of opportunities for the type of play he is ready for. Explain that the other kids might not want to play his way, but make sure they aren't allowed to interfere with his play either. I had a rough time because the other 2 year olds would try to mess up his playsets when he'd spent 30 minutes building them. Also, I found offering him more advanced level toys even if I had to separate him from the res
t of the kids while he played with them helped. He thrived on sets with little pieces when others his age were still trying to eat everything so we had to have certain toys that he played with at the table, but giving him access to them helped a lot. Best of luck to you!

[preschoolteacher]

In the interim you might make sure you are offering your ds plenty of opportunities for the type of play he is ready for. Explain that the other kids might not want to play his way, but make sure they aren't allowed to interfere with his play either. I had a rough time because the other 2 year olds would try to mess up his playsets when he'd spent 30 minutes building them.

Oh my gosh, YES. This happens CONSTANTLY.

He will spend a great amount of time building something. He always has a plan in his head about what he needs, and he will turn around to grab another piece for his building or whatever... and in that second, the other 2-year-olds will have taken apart what he just worked on. He gets SO frustrated!

I have been at a loss about what to do. I feel mean shooing them away from what he builds because I don't want to play favorites with my son. And keeping them away from him is not helping him learn to play with the other kids. But they really aren't able to do what he's doing, and they often destroy what he makes.

What has worked is giving them their own materials and doing "play spaces." Everyone has to stay in their own zone. They can have the same stuff that he has to build with, but most of the time they just keep trying to go over to what he's making instead of making their own thing.

[preschoolteacher]

Likewise, my daughter is .... challenging. She can be so overly dramatic and whiney and was the world's worst colicky baby.

Oh, yes. Lots of drama over here! He has a low tolerance level for frustration, I think, especially when tired/hungry.

He was a very high-needs baby, too.

[Blackcat31]

He was a very high-needs baby, too.

A friend of mine is a nurse practitioner and has a young adult son around the same age as mine.

Both of which are similar to what you described your DS as. We got to talking with a couple other friends who has sons that were also similar.

We noticed a few similarities with our kids...

• high needs babies
• born in the fall
• early walkers
• advanced language/verbal/literacy skills
• high risk pregnancies
• sensory issues
• high IQ's
• mistakenly diagnosed with ADD/ADHD/ODD
• introverted
• little or no sense of humor
• takes things literally
• light sleeper or little sleep
• respiratory issues or frequent colds/ear infections
• VERY mechanically inclined/high math aptitude

wonder how any of those you can relate to?

[preschoolteacher]

A friend of mine is a nurse practitioner and has a young adult son around the same age as mine.

Both of which are similar to what you described your DS as. We got to talking with a couple other friends who has sons that were also similar.

We noticed a few similarities with our kids...

• high needs babies
• born in the fall
• early walkers
• advanced language/verbal/literacy skills
• high risk pregnancies
• sensory issues
• high IQ's
• mistakenly diagnosed with ADD/ADHD/ODD
• introverted
• little or no sense of humor
• takes things literally
• light sleeper or little sleep
• respiratory issues or frequent colds/ear infections
• VERY mechanically inclined/high math aptitude

wonder how any of those you can relate to?

I can relate to several!

Definitely was a high-needs baby.
Born in the summer, not the fall
Walked at 12 months, so average rather than early
Definitely advanced language /verbal /literacy skills
Typical pregnancy, but complications during delivery, emergency c-section, and two-week stay in newborn care center before we could go home
No sensory issues I'm aware of
I'd guess a high IQ, unsure
No diagnosis for ADD, etc., or signs of it
Extremely extroverted, absolutely dislikes being alone and thrives in a crowd
Is the "class clown" at daycare and gers a kick out of making the kids laugh
Not sure if he takes things literally
Sleep has been our biggest challenge! He wakes up often
Really rough winter last year with several hospitalizations for respiratory issues
VERY mechanically inclined. Awesome spatial intelligence. He can "see" in his head how pieces and shapes will fit together before he moves them, and is able to direct someone exactly where, at what angle, and facing which direction he wants them to put a certain piece when he's building.

Interesting!