what have i done!

[Maggie]

I went against my own rule of no school angers unless they've been with me since they were infants. I got a call on Monday from a former client, I had her now 16 year old daughter from age 2-5. She needs before school care for her 8 year old son. She's called me a couple of times over the years needing care for him but I've never had a spot, until now. I have one spot available but hadn't planned on filling it because I have my hands full as it is. I decided to go ahead and interview thinking an hour and a half in the morning, piece of cake. They came over last night she already had all paperwork from his doctor and an emergency card filled out we went over my policies and signed my contract. Things went well her son seemed quite and polite mom was telling me how well behaved he was etc. So they get up to go 8 year old and 16 year old go out first then mom started talking to me again. Two minutes later a knock on my door I assumed it was the kids wondering what was taking mom so long. Nope it was my neighbor who I have only a very casual relationship with asking who these kids were because apparently the 16 year old locked the 8 year old out of the car he was yelling at her and was calling her the N word!! He came in got a lecture from me and mom and was told he would be in trouble when he got home. I told her that kind of talk can't happen here and if I hear anything else like that I will not keep him and term on the spot. She apologized and said he only acts up when his sister is around. I really don't think this is going to go well and I am kicking myself right now for agreeing to take him.

[KidGrind]

Did she seem surprised he was using the N-word?

I am hoping it goes well with him in your care.

[Cat Herder]

I would not be as concerned with words as much as actions. He's 8. He does not know racism as adults do. It is an angry word to him. (many kids do the same with the F words)

It is common for kids to scream the worst word they know in a moment of impotent rage. The one word that will stop the world in their view. (It was an escalation reaction, big kid tantrum)

Three good things happened immediately.

1. The Community at Large told him No.
2. His Mom told him No.
3. You told him No.

That is huge... I'd bet dollars to donuts you will see an embarrassed/nervous kid on day one.

I would be more disappointed with the 16 year old. What was that?? :confused:

[KiddieCahoots]

If it helps at all.....my 6yr ds and 14yr dd sometimes fight like the dickens! But only with each other. Think it's more or a little brother/big sister norm sort of thing in families, cause people I talk to that have the same sibling dynamics express the same.
The older sister won't be around during time of care, and you set the stage instantly with what will not be tolerated.
Wait and see how it goes, and in the meantime try not to sweat it.

[Blackcat31]

I think you will be fine.

If things start looking like they aren't going well, you did leave yourself an out by telling mom you would term immediately.

Hopefully, she understood the message.

[Maggie]

I hope you guys are right. He and mom both seemed embarrassed about it and I do remember her being a parent who had no problems disciplining her daughter when she needed to.