Help-Termination Warning letter Child with behavior problems, violent, and agressive.

[DaycareLife]

This little boy where I work has some major behavior issues.
He is 6 attacks the other children for no reason, he lies(such as he will hit a child and blame it on another) and also constantly makes excuses for why he hurt someone, and it is always an "accident", snatches the toys, intentionally throws them, cusses, and is mean and bullies; then when he is disciplined he flips out. He yells threats at not only the teachers but the kids as well cusses, throws the toys and chairs.

He has threatened to stab, tie up, and light on fire not only me but the other teachers.
He has said he wants all of the children to die
he has also said he is going to hurt his dog
he has said he will chop of peoples arms
he has also threatened to call the cops
he only says these things when he gets in trouble
he also knows nothing will happen at home.
he has also made comments about himself calling himself stupid, dumb.

Some of this might be from the fact his mother is in and out his life however it is no excuse and frankly the children do not like him here. I try my best to talk with him and I have read so much about behavior problems on this fourm and in books and online yet nothing seems to work
plus
We have talked with the grandfather many times in the past about his behavior. The grandfather doesnt seem to care nor does he think there is a problem.


This behavior is not normal and the director has talked with the grandfather about it but he just says he is old fashion.he doesnt believe the boy should see someone because how are they going to help they dont know him.
I believe strongly in the fact that talking to someone does help them I started seeing a therapist at 5 years old because of somethings I witnessed as a child and I believe it helped me very much to talk about those things even if as a child I may not have 100% grasped what had happened or why things were the way they were.

He is in the custody of his grandfather until his mother gets her life back together. He has been here a year and it is only recently his behavior is this out of control. back a few months ago he was doing pretty well and was on the right track then suddenly he is back to how he was before and it is actually worse. Today we went outside as I was tying the shoe of another child he tackled another little boy to the ground and luckily I rushed over and stopped him before he started hitting the boy in the face or choking him.

The director/owner has never termed a child before or even given a warning for termination.

I just would like to know how it should be worded. and any advice at all on if there are things that could help this boy.

She doesn't want to term yet but just show she means business with the grandfather as this is the last straw and he has had more then enough chances to help and get on board with the director in staff to help his grandson with his behavior.


I apologize for the rambling and longness of this. I just needed to vent a little and i hope it doesn't reflect negatively on me at all.

[Blackcat31]

I'm sorry but I would have termed that child a long time ago.

He is such a HUGE liability that I cant believe your director wants to continue trying.

If I were a parent in your center and I knew even half of what you wrote above was happening, I'd have pulled my child immediately.

I have some really tough kids (one even dropped off here by the police) but no way in he77 would I continue to care for a child that so desperately needs some outside intervention.

I HIGHLY suggest letting your director know that a warning letter is NOT going to suddenly "fix" this issue.

It took years to bring him to this level of anger and it will probably take double that many to bring him back to not so angry.

I commend your director for not wanting to give up on him, but honestly if she isn't in the business of helping high needs kids with aggressive and violent tendencies, she needs to let this one go.

[craftymissbeth]

Yeah he wouldn't have lasted long here, either.

But for anyone I put on probation or am warning them that they're basically on the edge of terming if they don't shape up, I have a form for that:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B04XphZ8tFQPLUI4ZFV1cmpJRGs/edit?usp=sharing

[craftymissbeth]

I don't normally jump to contacting authorities, but I would seriously consider contacting CPS... this child desperately needs help and the adults in his life aren't doing that for him

[mskaykay]

Unfortunately in the last year I have had to term three children for behavior issues (2 were school age and very similar to the one you described). You just have to come to the conclusion that trying to make things better for one child makes things hard on the other 20 in your care. You didn't fail, you just aren't what the child needs right then.

This is the term letter I generally use:

Dear Parent,

I regret to inform you that as of Date, Child Care Center will no longer be able to provide care for Child. As per the admission agreement that was signed upon enrollment, care may be terminated if it is deemed to be in the best interest of the child or other children and if center policies and procedures are violated. Due to the nature and ever increasing rate of documented incidents, we believe it is in the best interest of all the children in our program for you to find alternative care. If you have any questions, you may contact me at ######.


Sincerely,

Me

I also I have one more incident and your out letter but I believe that you should just cut your loses. The one more incident could really hurt someone.

[Heidi]

I don't normally jump to contacting authorities, but I would seriously consider contacting CPS... this child desperately needs help and the adults in his life aren't doing that for him

[Silly Songs]

I also work in a center . It is almost unheard of to tell a parent the child cannot attend . Even with others complaining . I can't tell you some of the things my kids have said and done . It looks like kids are getting more violent these days . Idk if the prob is tv or video games or what . Maybe bad parenting .
As for the boy in your situation, I think at 6 he will be starting kindergarten soon . The schools will step up and tell grandpa that something is seriously going on .

[Meeko]

We once termed a boy who behaved very much the same. If he was placed in time-out, he would sit and tell us exactly how he was going to kill us. He was only about 4 at the time, but would get REALLY graphic.

We found the best way to deal with it was by ignoring him completely. He would eventually stop, cheerfully apologize and be on his way. It was strange to say the least, but I had to let him go when he started using the same talk with the other kids and scared them.

His parents were nice people, but didn't seem to think it was anything more than "boys will be boys".

I saw the father about 4 years later and asked about the boy. The boy had got worse and worse with his behavior. At the time we spoke, he was in an institution as he had tried to kill himself twice. Not because he appeared depressed, but because he "wanted to see what it was like". He was only 8 years old and seriously mentally ill.

Sometimes bad behavior is much, much more. Your director should not take this lightly.

[itsmetolazy]

Sorry didnt sign in. Daycarelife

The director seems to think its all because of the mother.
That when he sees her or gets phone calls from her that it triggers the behavior and that it is 100% just that.
Not that there could be any sort of other reason.

She decided not to give the warning letter and yesterday just talked with the grandfather gave him tips and such. Like ignore the behavior and only focus on the good stuff.


Which are all things we have been doing for the last year and yet the behavior doesnt seem to improve.
I am the teacher he has for most of the day. There are only 2 teachers and the director. I have been here 3 years the other 5 years. We dont have a high teacher turn out rate because we are a small center.

The director is the owner and she is never here and never has to deal with the behavior. I am currently working on opening a home daycare because the lack of the director owner involvment bothers me and i much rather have the ability to run the program the way I want and with a smaller group.



Not sure if this matters much
Did I mention he likes to torture bugs. I get it boys like to kill bugs but he seeks out bugs to purpusly hurt them when we go outside. He has ripped the wings off multiple butterflies. Most of the times announcing hey im going to rip that butterflies wings off and smash its body he has ripped the legs of of spiders 1 at a time as wekk as ripping worms in half.


But any other adivce one can give or exersices or tips would be appreciated.

Maybe even more stories of your own situations. That might help convince the director. I dont think the daycare is good for him. And same for him of the daycare.

[Heidi]

I found this article that might give you some ideas:

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/5-year-old-threatening-other-kids-i-want-you-dead