Always In Trouble But Mom Only Wants Good Reports

[permanentvacation]

Now, in his defense, he is 2 years old. But... He is constantly doing something that I have to fuss at him for. He takes toys, kicks the other kids, hits the other kids, or nicely puts his hands on the other kids and continues to do so when they and I tell him to stop touching them, he forcefully scream/cries at me any and every time I say one word to him or he just stares at me with a 'make me' look on his face completely ignoring what I tell him to do or not do, he crawls across the floor at nap time, calls out the other kids names during nap, etc. I honestly feel like I don't go 10 minutes without fussing at him.

The only things he does that I don't have to fuss at him for is eating and playing outside.

The other day, I told his grandfather at pick up time that he continuously took the other kids toys so much that they finally had enough of him and one of the other children started hitting the mess out of him. I told his grandfather that in case the child had bruises or marks show up later that night so they would know what happened to him. As soon as I saw the boy hitting him, I went over and stopped him, but he did get a couple of good hits in before I got to them.

The next day the mother came in and told me not to tell them anything bad about the child and that his grandfather said that I never have anything good to say about him. I told her that I was afraid bruises would show up later and wanted to make sure they knew why the child had bruises and that I need the child's family to know about his negative actions here so they can remind him at home not to do those things here at daycare (don't take other's toys, no hitting, no kicking, etc.). She repeated herself about not wanting me to tell them anything bad about him.

Now, in the mother's defense, she has since day one, told him 'be good' every morning when she drops him off. My point is that those words aren't working. I think she needs to specifically say things like "Don't hit the other children" I don't even know if he understands what ' be good' means. It's not specific enough for him.

So, I have definitely learned that I am completely on my own with teaching him to behave at daycare since his family doesn't want to know anything bad that he does therefore they certainly won't be working on helping me correct his inappropriate behavior. And I guess I will have to be some parrot with a repeat button and just say something like ' he played really well outside today.'

Oh, and if you read my other post, yes, this is the child that the mother takes out late because she wants to go on some late night outing. I asked her when the ball game (that she took her son to on Monday night) ended and when they got home. She said it ended about midnight, they got home around 1am and she tried to have the two of them go to bed at 1:30 IN THE MORNING, but he was too excited and wouldn't calm down to go to sleep. I have no idea what time he actually fell asleep. She said when she woke him up the next morning, he immediately started crying and said, "No Mommy. Sleep" meaning no mommy, don't make me get up, I want to sleep. But she got him up and brought him to daycare. She told me about getting home late, that he's really tired and hateful. Then told me to "have fun" and left for work. He was ungodly horrible all day. The rest is discussed on another thread here.

Ugh....

[daycare]

I have termed only a few kids in my care. Normally I am terming the adult...

I would not be able to have this kid in my care. I don't do hitting of any kind. I would have suspended the older child for 1 day for their hitting actions on a younger child and then gave them one more chance too.

But if this kid is able to push everyones buttons that it resorts to that, it sounds like this kid is just not a good fit for your program

I would let this kid go for everyones safety, including his own

[KiddieCahoots]

So he's obviously sleep deprived. There's a huge chunk of the problem right there.

I have a similar situation that derives from lack of sleep and over pampering.
My mom who can only handle the good reports too, otherwise it comes back at me. So I've weighted out all my options, and for now have decided to adopt the motto, "what happens in daycare, stays in daycare", and try and make the best of it. And when my little one starts to grow horns, I put him back to bed. I know that's not always doable though.

Otherwise, that family may just not be the right fit. Some families just refuse to hear it, and would rather stay in denial about (spoken in Gollum's voice) "my pree-cousssse" ::..................

[NightOwl]

Say WHAT?! They don't want to know about his bad behavior? Well take a number honey, no one wants to hear their child misbehaves, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen!
No, I would not keep this family. Not just because of the child's issues, but because of mom's total lack of involvement with helping you to solve those issues. In my FCC, we have a partnership. If a family cannot or will not participate in curbing bad behavior, then that's plenty for me to term.
Talk to mom. Tell her you are concerned about his behavior and how it affects the other children. Tell her that, without her help in this, she could be facing a termination. Even if you're bluffing, she doesn't know that.

[sugar buzz]

Say WHAT?! They don't want to know about his bad behavior? Well take a number honey, no one wants to hear their child misbehaves, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

LOL! :::: I know, right? As a parent, I didn't even know that I had that option! I just went to a 7th grade parent info night where 15 minutes was devoted to the ins and outs of detention. Wait until school.....hehehe!

[AmyKidsCo]

So he's obviously sleep deprived. There's a huge chunk of the problem right there.

I definitely think he's sleep-deprived and if he got enough sleep everyone would be happier.

"what happens in daycare, stays in daycare",

That's always my motto. I only tell parents about problems if nothing I've tried worked and I need their "back up" - otherwise I handle things myself and that's the end of it.

[permanentvacation]

I have been telling myself that I would love to know how his family reacts when he gets in trouble in kindergarten/1st grade.

I have told his mother that I need to let her know about the things he does wrong here so she and the family can help me/we can work together to teach him how to behave appropriately. She still didn't want to be told about his bad behavior.

I can't afford to drop him - yet. I only have 4 kids and 2 might leave to go to the free public preschool by Aug. 27th. If they do leave, I would only have this child we are talking about and one baby.

I just enrolled in college full-time and applied for a loan as well as FASFA. If I get my loan, I am very much considering terminating this child. But if I don't get the amount of loan money that I am hoping for or more children, I financially have to keep this child. But he is seriously wearing me out, making the other children all but hate him, and making me dread every morning at the thought of him arriving at daycare.

Another thing that I have thought of is that during the summer (now) we don't do any school work or educational activities. I am thinking and hoping that maybe he will behave better once I start our preschool program in a couple of weeks. I think that will occupy him more and he will get more direct attention from me through structured activities. Over the summer, we pretty much just play and I think it's too much free time and unstructured time for him. Maybe I should say something like that to his mother. Maybe I should start doing some preschool activities and see if that helps him calm down. However, I don't think I should have to start doing more work just because he can't behave. But to try to make the day better for everyone in daycare, maybe I will try a couple of activities and see if it helps him. He will not be here tomorrow. So I think I will do some activities starting Monday.

[Shell]

So he's obviously sleep deprived. There's a huge chunk of the problem right there.

I have a similar situation that derives from lack of sleep and over pampering.
My mom who can only handle the good reports too, otherwise it comes back at me. So I've weighted out all my options, and for now have decided to adopt the motto, "what happens in daycare, stays in daycare", and try and make the best of it. And when my little one starts to grow horns, I put him back to bed. I know that's not always doable though.

Otherwise, that family may just not be the right fit. Some families just refuse to hear it, and would rather stay in denial about (spoken in Gollum's voice) "my pree-cousssse" ::..................

:: great post!

[permanentvacation]

I typically have the 'what happens in daycare stays in daycare' attitude also. Except when a child's behavior changes drastically. I feel the parents need to know about a strange drastic change in their child. Or if I have been working on trying to correct a problem for so long with no results that I feel that I need the parents to help me correct his behavior by reinforcing proper expectations at home. Which is this case. He's been here a long time - 6 months to a year. He used to be a great child with no behavioral problems. But as he got older, closer to 2, his 'terrible two's' attitude came on hard and fast!

Yeah, he is definitely sleep deprived. His family not wanting to know anything negative about him does not help him nor me. They all just want to think he is the cutest little thing. And that attitude from the family is not ever going to help him become the person that he needs to become.

[MOM OF 4]

Say WHAT?! They don't want to know about his bad behavior? Well take a number honey, no one wants to hear their child misbehaves, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen! No, I would not keep this family. Not just because of the child's issues, but because of mom's total lack of involvement with helping you to solve those issues. In my FCC, we have a partnership. If a family cannot or will not participate in curbing bad behavior, then that's plenty for me to term.
Talk to mom. Tell her you are concerned about his behavior and how it affects the other children. Tell her that, without her help in this, she could be facing a termination. Even if you're bluffing, she doesn't know that.

AGREE!

I think she needs to hear it so she can fix it, and I'd tell her just like that. Or she'll have issues with her snowflake in Elementary, Jr High, High, College and Jail.

[spinnymarie]

The next day the mother came in and told me not to tell them anything bad about the child and that his grandfather said that I never have anything good to say about him.

I'd start keeping a log of sorts. And tell her a bad-news sandwich:
Your child is such a great eater! The hitting has to stop, though, so I'm going to put him on probation and if his behavior doesn't improve I'm going to let you find another daycare that works better for you. I'll be sure not to tell you how it's going, though!

[Cat Herder]

he is 2 years old

1. He takes toys, kicks the other kids, hits the other kids, or puts his hands on the other kids when they and I tell him to stop touching them

2. he forcefully scream/cries at me

3. he just stares at me with a 'make me' look on his face completely ignoring what I tell him to do

4. he crawls across the floor at nap time, calls out the other kids names

I honestly feel like I don't go 10 minutes without fussing at him.

he continuously took the other kids toys so much that they finally had enough of him and one of the other children started hitting the mess out of him. I

*** told his grandfather that in case the child had bruises or marks show up later that night so they would know what happened to him. ***

The next day the mother came in and told me not to tell them anything bad about the child and that his grandfather said that I never have anything good to say about him.

I need the child's family to know about his negative actions here so they can remind him at home not to do those things here at daycare (don't take other's toys, no hitting, no kicking, etc.). She repeated herself about not wanting me to tell them anything bad about him.

I have to agree with the mother here. I am sorry. He is two. The behaviors you listed here are age appropriate, expected and completely manageable in group care. If he was 4 I'd be with you.

I am not trying to give you a hard time.

I think you may simply have a bad mix of personalities right now in your group. Something needs to be done to stop these kids from having access to one another to prevent this obvious escalation.


Informing parents of the constant age appropriate issues is akin to telling them you don't know how to manage a group and has the potential to ruin your business. I have seen it happen to other providers.

Please consider this as a suggestion to review your setup and not a personal attack. That is how it is intended.

[permanentvacation]

Cat Herder,

I know you are not trying to give me a hard time and are trying to give suggestions/advice to help me. The thing is that I have done daycare for 25 years. I know all of these behavioral problems are typical of a 2 year old. But my point is that he is way over the top with them. I have had plenty of 2 year olds, but with him, it is one thing right after another all day long. His behavior is worse than any other 2 year old I've watched, except for special needs kids. But I am 99.9% sure he is not special needs. I think it's just that his family simply wants to think he's cute and just love on him rather than teach, train, and correct his behavior. He has been acting like this for a good 4 months or so by now and the other kids are just now showing (by hitting him) that they have had enough of him. I actually give the other kids credit for nicely putting up with him this long. I really don't fault them for finally getting fed up with him. No, I don't condone them hitting him, but I understand that after about 4 months, they've had enough of him. I've all but had enough of him and am trying to reach out to his mother and family to help me to correct his behavior, but they don't want to know anything negative about him. So it is obvious that I am just beating my head against the wall with trying to teach him to behave.

[Cat Herder]

Cat Herder,

I know you are not trying to give me a hard time and are trying to give suggestions/advice to help me. The thing is that I have done daycare for 25 years. I know all of these behavioral problems are typical of a 2 year old. But my point is that he is way over the top with them. I have had plenty of 2 year olds, but with him, it is one thing right after another all day long. His behavior is worse than any other 2 year old I've watched, except for special needs kids. But I am 99.9% sure he is not special needs. I think it's just that his family simply wants to think he's cute and just love on him rather than teach, train, and correct his behavior. He has been acting like this for a good 4 months or so by now and the other kids are just now showing (by hitting him) that they have had enough of him. I actually give the other kids credit for nicely putting up with him this long. I really don't fault them for finally getting fed up with him. No, I don't condone them hitting him, but I understand that after about 4 months, they've had enough of him. I've all but had enough of him and am trying to reach out to his mother and family to help me to correct his behavior, but they don't want to know anything negative about him. So it is obvious that I am just beating my head against the wall with trying to teach him to behave.

OK. Then I would guess you also know it may be time for that star on the calendar.

It ****s. I have been there. Every so often we have a kid we can't reach. We are not super human. If this kid is beyond what a seasoned vet can deal with then the parent needs the lesson, not the kid. lovethis

Give mommy her no with some education.

[permanentvacation]

That's pretty much what I have decided to do... as long as I get the college loan money I requested. In one of my last posts, I mentioned that his behavior might get better once our preschool program starts up again. So if I get my loan money, I think I will give him a couple of weeks after we start preschool to see if his behavior gets better. If not, I will have to stop watching him.