Can A 14mo Know He Is Doing Wrong?

[marniewon]

Just a little while ago, 14mo dcb (C) and 2 yo dcb (P) were playing together. P was sitting on the floor and making funny noises at C, which made C giggle like crazy. They continued to play in this manner for a few minutes, and then all of a sudden, while he was still laughing, C went over to P and grabbed a handful of hair and yanked. And started laughing harder! I got in C's face and said firmly, "no pulling hair. OUCH!" And this kid SPIT in my face and starting laughing again. Is this for real?? Can a 14 mo know what is wrong, do it anyway and delight in it? He has become quite the little bully, but since I've had him so long, I figure he's just a baby, doing baby things.....but he's 14 mo now. Should he be learning by now not to hit, pinch, pull hair? This is not the first time I've had to get after him about being mean to friends (or myself). Any clue what might be going on here?? It's not lack of communication or frustration - the kid was laughing! I'm dreading talking to mom about it, as I can't see much coming of it, except maybe her blaming me for his behavior (this is my screamer, who hit ME yesterday and I got after him in front of mom).

Just wondering if I'm overreacting, or is this kid going to be a problem child?

[melskids]

i have a 14 month old right now going through a terrible hitting faze. just me and his mom, right in the face. and sure, he knows what he's doing. i just stay firm and consistant and hope he outgrows it soon

[nannyde]

P was sitting on the floor and making funny noises at C, which made C giggle like crazy.

He's telling you he can't handle a high pitched frentic moment that is highly stimulating and then switch it off when it stops. He's doing what HE knows to do to continue the stimulation at the same level. He's doing HIS version of making funny noise and giggling like crazy.

If you are going to allow the children around him to get to that level of excitement then he will need transition moments in between when that ends and when the next thing begins.

Have the kids do something mid way between normal just playing and the high pitched excitement NEXT. You could seize the moment and have everyone blow ... just like you are blowing up a balloon.... and slowly release the air...

That will de-esculate and reset his mind set.

Kids his age have a very time switching gears from high to normal. He's asking you to do it for him. If you don't he will continue the frentic behavior.

[laundrymom]

hit the nail on the head here Nanny! =-)

P was sitting on the floor and making funny noises at C, which made C giggle like crazy.

He's telling you he can't handle a high pitched frentic moment that is highly stimulating and then switch it off when it stops. He's doing what HE knows to do to continue the stimulation at the same level. He's doing HIS version of making funny noise and giggling like crazy.

If you are going to allow the children around him to get to that level of excitement then he will need transition moments in between when that ends and when the next thing begins.

Have the kids do something mid way between normal just playing and the high pitched excitement NEXT. You could seize the moment and have everyone blow ... just like you are blowing up a balloon.... and slowly release the air...

That will de-esculate and reset his mind set.

Kids his age have a very time switching gears from high to normal. He's asking you to do it for him. If you don't he will continue the frentic behavior.

[marniewon]

P was sitting on the floor and making funny noises at C, which made C giggle like crazy.

He's telling you he can't handle a high pitched frentic moment that is highly stimulating and then switch it off when it stops. He's doing what HE knows to do to continue the stimulation at the same level. He's doing HIS version of making funny noise and giggling like crazy.

If you are going to allow the children around him to get to that level of excitement then he will need transition moments in between when that ends and when the next thing begins.

Have the kids do something mid way between normal just playing and the high pitched excitement NEXT. You could seize the moment and have everyone blow ... just like you are blowing up a balloon.... and slowly release the air...

That will de-esculate and reset his mind set.

Kids his age have a very time switching gears from high to normal. He's asking you to do it for him. If you don't he will continue the frentic behavior.

I'm confused - the play was ongoing, the only thing that stopped it was C pulling P's hair....P had just made the funny noise again and even as C started laughing, he walked over and pulled P's hair. Does it make a difference that the play was still going on? Do you still think it was C not knowing how to go from frantic to normal play? Or do you think it was something else? I've never seen or heard of this that you're talking about, so I'm pretty clueless here

[kidkair]

C is getting a kick out of being high on excitement. The problem is that the high starts to lower the longer the activity goes on. When it starts to diminish he wants something new but equally crazy to keep him high. Pulling hair gets a tremendous reaction and his high is back. You getting in his face continued the high and your reaction to getting spit at continued the high again. By pulling hair/hitting/spitting he is signaling that he needs a change but cannot yet handle the drop from the high. Next time he starts to get high/overly excited let them do it just a few times then calm it down. Nannyde suggested blowing air, active jumping may work too then bring the level back down again. Lighter blowing or smaller jumps then transition to a quieter activity.

One way to relate is to remember a time that you were so happy you jumped all over or laughed forever. Remember how hard it was then to return to normal. You had to eventually jump smaller jumps and laugh smaller laughs but you didn't want to. The high you were on was so good and so you remember to just a few minutes ago and are able to duplicate the emotion and start jumping again. You can do this over and over until you finally decided to calm down. You take a few deep breaths and relax into normality again. At 14 months he hasn't learned to do that so he just tries to continue it and he doesn't have the memory to get the same high from the same exact thing so he changes it. Help him come down before he tries to make it go up.

[nannyde]

I'm confused - the play was ongoing, the only thing that stopped it was C pulling P's hair....P had just made the funny noise again and even as C started laughing, he walked over and pulled P's hair. Does it make a difference that the play was still going on? Do you still think it was C not knowing how to go from frantic to normal play? Or do you think it was something else? I've never seen or heard of this that you're talking about, so I'm pretty clueless here

Sorry I missed that.

I think he's most likely at his peak of stimulation and he's letting off the steam from the build up.

I don't allow this kind of play. I don't let kids continually do any sound or movement for any length of time. When children laugh because something is funny to them they laugh for a few seconds. When they talk they say different things. When they are repeating laughing, talking the same words, doing the same flickering movements etc. the excitement level goes up too high for them to come down on their own and get back to the normal vibe.

Repetitive behavior such as making funny noises and giggling are okay for a bit but not to the point where it's taking over their play.

So when I supervise kids I'm listening for the tone of the room and the specific behavior of the kids and making sure there aren't doing anything that is going to excite them to the level they can't get out of without someone getting hurt or someone doing something they can get in trouble for.

I wouldn't expect the baby not to act out. I would try to prevent the excitement level from going to the point where he has to match or join in with what he CAN do to be a part of it or react to it.

[marniewon]

Thank you all for explaining this to me. I think I understand now, but still seems weird to me, as I don't think I've ever experienced that before (in the children I was caring for). But 3 of you agree this is probably what happened, so I'll have to take your word on it and just start watching more diligently to make sure it doesn't happen again. I was just happy because the 2 boys were actually playing together and having fun together - usually the little one is beating up on the older one or taking toys or whatever - this is the first they've actually seemed to enjoy each other's company.