Natural consequences

[NightOwl]

As I am once again telling dcb2 that it's a bad idea to CATCH BEES, and knowing that he has been corrected many times and has also been stung once, the thought occurred to me to ask the forum, When do you just step back and let natural consequences run their course? We don't want them to get hurt, we don't want them to be in any kind of pain, but when all talking/correcting/negotiating falls on deaf ears, where do you draw the line?

Of course, I didn't allow him to continue trying to catch bees, that would be nuts Imo, but this is what was going on when I had this thought. A natural consequence can be the best teacher in some particularly stubborn children, so is there a line in the sand that is acceptable? I would not ever let them get hurt to teach a lesson, but there are other times that "letting it happen" might help.

For example, dcg is hateful to everyone, snatching toys, "I'm not your friend", "that's MIIIIIINE!", etc. Until dcb brings out the play doe. Now she's suddenly his best bud, but he sees right thru it and says no. In this example, do you make him share? Do you allow him to refuse her participation in his activity?

[e.j.]

I believe in natural consequences as long as the child isn't in danger. In the case of the hateful dcg who gives dcb a hard time, I wouldn't make him share if he didn't want to but I don't always make my kids share all the time anyway. I'd probably suggest that dcg ask dcb nicely if he would let her know when he's finished using the play doh so she could use it after he's done with it. As she waited, I'd probably mention to her that if she would try to share more with him in the future, he might feel more inclined to share with her, too.

In the case of the bee catcher, I'd keep trying to teach him not to touch bees. He's still fairly young and probably doesn't fully understand why he shouldn't try to catch them. Bee stings worry me because of the potential of an allergic reaction so I wouldn't sit back and watch it happen in order to teach "natural consequences" If he were to be stung and have no allergic reaction....I might not feel too bad for him, though.

[Indoorvoice]

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. I rarely interfere during free play unless someone is going to get hurt, and I don't really make anyone share. I think they learn so much from each other that way. I tackle issues that come up like sharing and being kind in circle time. Bees? I'm not sure what I would do, but for sure if that boy didn't want to share with bratgirl, I definitely would just shrug my shoulders and tell her "oh, how sad!"

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. I rarely interfere during free play unless someone is going to get hurt, and I don't really make anyone share. I think they learn so much from each other that way. I tackle issues that come up like sharing and being kind in circle time. Bees? I'm not sure what I would do, but for sure if that boy didn't want to share with bratgirl, I definitely would just shrug my shoulders and tell her "oh, how sad!"

This sounds a lot like me.

[hope]

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. I rarely interfere during free play unless someone is going to get hurt, and I don't really make anyone share. I think they learn so much from each other that way. I tackle issues that come up like sharing and being kind in circle time. Bees? I'm not sure what I would do, but for sure if that boy didn't want to share with bratgirl, I definitely would just shrug my shoulders and tell her "oh, how sad!"

I do this also. When I first started out I got very involved until my DD'S special ed preschool teacher told me that she let her kids in class play and she would not interfere. When a child was upset she would discuss it over with them and ask the child how they felt and how they thought the other child felt and asked what they would do different next time. Made me change my whole way of over seeing free play.

[coolconfidentme]

I'm a fan of it with my 8 yr old g'son, fo sho. I told him not to touch the hot-wire by the horse fence. Naturally he was thinking heat hot..., so he touch it to see how hot. ZAP! He couldn't believe what happened so he picked up a wet leaf to touch it. Before I could say don't, ZAAAAP! He took a hard hit. I said, "Listening is a skill you still need to master." I walked away laughing inside.

[NightOwl]

Omg... Lol. Hot wire... I guess to a child, that translates to "heat" hot.

I'm glad to see so many of you are fans of natural consequences! I hate handing down punishments and try to avoid it if possible, so this works well for me.

[midaycare]

That's how I have always raised ds, now 6, and it's what I use in the daycare. All of the kids know the phrase "Oh bummer" because I use it so often.

[hope]

I find many parents don't like the natural consequence way of learning. When ever they are picking up or dropping off and see someone else take a toy from their child hand they want to immediately fix it. I understand. They don't know the other child well and don't see how the play will go for the next 15 minutes. I try to explain but really drives me crazy when they intervene.

[deliberateliterate]

I wonder about this every time one of my dcks walks in front of one of the kids in the baby swings. How many times would it take for them to learn if they got knocked off their feet vs the dozens upon dozens of times I have to tell them to be careful around the swings. If it were my own kids, I think I might let them get dinged, but for now, I'll keep reminding my dcks.

[daycarediva]

Natural consequence, for sure.

I would redirect the bee catcher to a safer something to catch though. Roly polys, snails, grasshoppers, etc. I would hate to make him fearful, so I would tell him that he may scare bees and when he scares them, they may sting. Roly polys aren't scared of you if you're gentle, so lets go find some of them...


As far as not sharing---I never force it.

I think it's mean to the child to force him to play with someone he doesn't like/who has been cruel to him. When nobody wants to play with a child- there is obviously something amiss that needs to be addressed with that child. "Susie you should be nicer to your friends/share your toys/not tattle/ whatever and maybe they will play with you tomorrow."

[coolconfidentme]

I wonder about this every time one of my dcks walks in front of one of the kids in the baby swings. How many times would it take for them to learn if they got knocked off their feet vs the dozens upon dozens of times I have to tell them to be careful around the swings. If it were my own kids, I think I might let them get dinged, but for now, I'll keep reminding my dcks.

We have swings too. I tell the child swinging to try to stop. I tell the kid walking in front of him, "You walk in front of him..., you will get clocked!" When they do, they look at me as I pick them up & shrug my shoulders & say, "You got clocked, didn't ya?"

[DaveA]

Sometimes I have to look at a child after they do something I just said not to and say "Told you". As long as its not a safety issue, natural consequences are an ok way for a child to learn.

[CraftyMom]

I wonder about this every time one of my dcks walks in front of one of the kids in the baby swings. How many times would it take for them to learn if they got knocked off their feet vs the dozens upon dozens of times I have to tell them to be careful around the swings. If it were my own kids, I think I might let them get dinged, but for now, I'll keep reminding my dcks.

I love natural consequences! Kids learn more from experience than if you told them 1000 times!

I HAVE let kids get knocked down by the swings, not if the swinger was going fast, just 3 year old speed, not enough to hurt, just knock them down. They sure learn that lesson quick! This is after telling the child over and over "you'll get knocked down..."

[Play Care]

As I am once again telling dcb2 that it's a bad idea to CATCH BEES, and knowing that he has been corrected many times and has also been stung once, the thought occurred to me to ask the forum, When do you just step back and let natural consequences run their course? We don't want them to get hurt, we don't want them to be in any kind of pain, but when all talking/correcting/negotiating falls on deaf ears, where do you draw the line?

Of course, I didn't allow him to continue trying to catch bees, that would be nuts Imo, but this is what was going on when I had this thought. A natural consequence can be the best teacher in some particularly stubborn children, so is there a line in the sand that is acceptable? I would not ever let them get hurt to teach a lesson, but there are other times that "letting it happen" might help.

For example, dcg is hateful to everyone, snatching toys, "I'm not your friend", "that's MIIIIIINE!", etc. Until dcb brings out the play doe. Now she's suddenly his best bud, but he sees right thru it and says no. In this example, do you make him share? Do you allow him to refuse her participation in his activity?

What is it with kids and bees?! I had the same thing this past Spring. Finally he was stung (at home!!) and that ended that. I felt bad, but was glad it seemed to end that business.