I Made A Decision.....

[marniewon]

I'm giving my screamer until the end of this month to change his attitude and to STOP THE INCESSANT SCREAMING and then I will be terming him. I've had him the longest, over a year now, but he is driving us all insane. A few weeks ago someone suggested that the early part of the week was an adjustment period for all (most) kids, but last week his "adjustment period" lasted all week! He's been here, full time since he was 6 weeks old - he knows the routine here and should be able to figure it all out, but he isn't.

I think if everyone is happier when he's gone, then it's in everyone's best interest (especially his!) for them to find a different provider. At this moment, as is his custom, he is screaming through nap. Luckily I don't have any other kids today, but I can't stand the screaming - already have a splitting headache

[Live and Learn]

I am right there with you marniewon. My screamer has been in rare form today....same kid who I have had to send home sick 4 times since Sept. I am actually thinking of terming today....we shall see.

[countrymom]

does he scream at home. I would let him stand in the corner and let him scream there, I'm mean and obv. its now a learned behavior, basically the more he screams the more attention he'll get.

[marniewon]

I am right there with you marniewon. My screamer has been in rare form today....same kid who I have had to send home sick 4 times since Sept. I am actually thinking of terming today....we shall see.

I'm so close to terming right this second! I have been trying to revamp my handbook and I had to quit because I am just so angry over the screaming that I feel I'm being too hard on clients just because of this one child, so I'll have to do it later when I'm more calm I've only termed one family before, and mom knew it was coming, so it made it a lot easier. I don't want to do it face to face, but feel anything less than that is unprofessional. I know she won't see it coming, because just a few weeks ago SHE was ready to term ME, but after explaining to her WHY I was telling her that he was screaming all day, to get her take on it and learn their schedule at home, then she figured all was fine. Especially since I don't tell her anything now. I don't bother to tell her he didn't nap, or he screamed all day or anything else. She's not going to put him on a schedule to help him or me, so what would be the point.

Got a little off track..... Good luck with your screamer - and if you do decide to term, you will be a lot happier! The other child I termed was a screamer and I can't tell you how nice and happy and calm and stress-free it was around here after he left!!

[marniewon]

does he scream at home. I would let him stand in the corner and let him scream there, I'm mean and obv. its now a learned behavior, basically the more he screams the more attention he'll get.

See, that's the thing - mom says he NEVER screams at home! But my take on it is that he has no reason to - a little whimper and they cater to his every demand. And he's 14 months old - no way will he stay in the corner or anywhere else I put him. BUT....when he screams for no reason or attention or because he's angry with me, he does get a time out, in another room, in a pnp. It's just that my house is too small to get him far enough away from the play area to NOT hear him screaming very loudly.

[Live and Learn]

Termed today...now the lovely experience of having to see parents for 2 weeks before final day.

[kidkair]

Just curious: Does he know any sign language? Could a lot of his screaming come from lack of communication skills? I know communication skills are some times low when Mom and Dad cater to the kid too quickly. If the parents are catering to the point of low communication skills you should bring that up to them and if they are not willing to help get him to communicate his needs with words or signs then I would proceed with your plan of terming in a month.

[marniewon]

Termed today...now the lovely experience of having to see parents for 2 weeks before final day.

Good for you! How did you do it? Face to face or in a letter? Or other? I'm sure you will be much happier when he/she is finally done.

[marniewon]

Just curious: Does he know any sign language? Could a lot of his screaming come from lack of communication skills? I know communication skills are some times low when Mom and Dad cater to the kid too quickly. If the parents are catering to the point of low communication skills you should bring that up to them and if they are not willing to help get him to communicate his needs with words or signs then I would proceed with your plan of terming in a month.

He doesn't know sign language - I tried to work with him a bit, but he never caught on. As for lack of communication skills being why he screams, I guess it could be, but it seems that he only screams when he doesn't get his way, or when he's angry. If I tell him no or move him away from something he's not supposed to touch, he screams. If I restrain him in any way, he screams. Another classic one is - at lunch time - when he throws his cup, it's gone. I don't play the "pick it up so he can throw it again" game. I watch him, and I know he's not accidentally dropping it, he's throwing it. When he starts throwing his food, he's done eating. He's been sitting in a high chair, feeding himself (for the most part) for 3 months now. He knows that every time he throws food/drink, it's gone, he's done. But if I remove him from the high chair, he screams. When I put him down for nap, and he fights sleep, he screams. Today he screamed for an hour and a half at naptime. He was tired. He was rubbing his eyes, getting cranky and yawning while he was still up. So I gave him his bottle and put him to bed (after he was done with the bottle). I always wait for him to "tell" me he's tired before I put him down for nap, otherwise he won't sleep. He had no reason to not sleep at nap, but at the beginning of the week, he is always like this. Like he knows that at home mom or dad will get him out of nap at his first peep, so if he cries long enough, I'll get him up too. Unfortunately for him, I go in there, check to make sure he doesn't need a diaper change, pat his back for a minute and tell him to go to sleep and then I walk out.
And he screams louder. Until he finally falls asleep, or it's the end of rest time and I get him up. I guess the point I'm making is, if he is screaming instead of talking (because he doesn't have the words yet), even if he was talking, what he would be saying would not change the outcome. If he told me he was still hungry, after throwing food, he would still be done with lunch. If he told me he didn't want to nap, it wouldn't change the fact that he still needs to nap.

It seems to me that he is just a whiny kid. Maybe spoiled, used to getting his way, although in some ways I can't see mom doing that, but in others I can. I've seen her tell him no when he was doing something, but I have also seen her continue to let him do what he was doing when he wasn't listening to her "no". Today, I was holding him while she was getting his stuff together, and he hit me. I grabbed his hand and told him "no hitting". Not in my mean mommy voice, but not sing song, I'm-just-kidding voice either. He knew I meant it, but I wasn't mean or rude. Mom stopped talking mid-sentence and just looked at me, like "how dare you talk to my kid that way" for just a moment, then continued on. Another thing they encourage and think is cute is that he climbs up on grandma's coffee table and plays on it. I mean, full body up on the coffee table, playing around. That's not allowed here, but mom thinks it's funny and allows him to do that at grandma's. My own grandchild, though I love her dearly, would never be allowed to behave that way in my home. It's called teaching respect for others.

I don't know what the answer is here, but I'm about at the end of my rope and beyond wanting to try to figure it out. Mom doesn't want to seem to help and I'm doubling my load (including a brand new baby) in just a few weeks - I don't need this disrupting every aspect of our day.

I do appreciate the suggestions though - I hate to give up on anything/anyone unless/until I know I've tried every possible idea to make it work.

[Live and Learn]

marniewon-
I termed face to face. Not easy for sure. upset stomach all afternoon anticipating the conversation. I feel that face to face was the right way to handle the situation in this case. I have termed twice before. Once on the phone - bad idea. Once face to face...much better. I know I have made the best decision for my little group of ankle biters....2 more weeks, then winter break, then a harmonious mellow group again.....can't wait.......

[kidkair]

With everything that is going on I agree that you should term. It's clear that mom is not helping and that she expects different things than you do in raising him. With a new baby coming soon I would term him and give myself a less stress week before the new baby.

I term face to face with a written statement as well when possible.

Good Luck!

[TGT09]

Boy, I don't know how you do it. I had a screamer and luckily she took a break (mom didn't need me) and came back a bit better a few weeks ago.

[countrymom]

it seems like mom lets this kid what ever he wants and he has no boundries. Don't feel bad for terminating, I would rather have a good group than deal with a screaming spoiled child. I too don't allow any child sit on my tables --dirty butts don't belong on clean tables, but the hitting, that would have been the end of it. And you know that wherever he goes they are going to have the same problems, and whats scary (ok funny) that when he gets older he's going to get worse if they don't nip it in the butt, and then you can say "I told you so"